Sunday, February 29, 2004

clumsy

ok i'm not really an advocate of posting song lyrics but this is such a smart song that i jsut have to put it up. by no means do i feel the way the song does. but its just smart. hahaa ok. see u llater

Every time i stretch, I knowck the coffee off the bed
and wake up with the mess that i have left.
And every time i try to dance, I fall down
Running through the clumsy things i've said.

Tell me you're not giving me the runaround
Tell me I'm not clumsy as you said.
Tell me that you're giving me the go ahead
I'm stepping off a cliff, now i've got nothing left

`cause
Every time i stretch, i knock the coffee off the bed
and wake up with the mess that I have left.
And every time I try to dance, I fall down
Running through the clumsy things I've said.

Give me the go ahead
Give me the go ahead
I'm stepping off a cliff, and I am clumsy

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mervyn at 2/29/2004 01:12:00 PM

Saturday, February 28, 2004

the con artist.

once again, as usual, i'm here on one of my late nights, entertaining myself with this blog once again.

anyway went out with bra, and we slacked arnd the place and he tried to act smart again, as usual, just like he does all the time. but fuck he's just wasting my time! anyway this very interesting conversation took place.
-on a girl who gave blowjobs to a whole bunch of guys
b : "they all come and then she blow them lah"
i start laughing hysterically.
m : "but if the come already how she blow them?"
b : "they come then she blow lah!!"
m : "but she has to blow then they come right?"
b : "yah that's why they come and let her blow lah"
(by this time, i'm laughing til i almost fall onto the floor and can't talk properly, whilst holding an ice cream in my hand which is dripping all over the place.)
m : "ok but the main point is, if they come already, how she blow them still? she blow them for what?"
b : "ok. which come u talking about?"
(i start laughing til i die again haahahaahaha) ok that was really funny. very very very funny.
don't get the gist of it? hahaha den u shudnt be reading this blog in the first place. oh and u must understand, this girl is a true life girl, and she blew a whole group of guys one after another. so i was quite amused hahaha.

well that was pretty absurd. ok so we went to all the bookshops to act smart and read his econs books. and i got tricked into buying a karl marx book which was essentially about capitalism, which i thought was abt his socialist policies. now how funny is that, karl marx talking abt capitalism. and surprisingly, its very clear and easy to understand. and he illustrates the wage theory thru SHILLINGS! can u imagine, 2 shillings for 6 hours of labour-power. hahaha... 2 shillings is like how little...
also bought 2 books which would help me in my literature, one sylvia plath and one on the metaphysical poets. think i wanna help subsidise my book purchases by doing some illegal stuff. breaking the copyright law and photocopying these stuff and sell it away. let's start with the Econs S ppl, then to my classmates, then i'll sell whole manuscripts of stuff. yah i think i'll do that. the Econs S ppl have a shortage of a book called the methodology of economics, which is apparently extremely important.. ha. and i'm getting it in a few days time. and the book costs around $46 SGD. i sell a few chapters to them for 10 bucks they also buy. then i can earn 5 bucks per copy. and if i sell 6 copies i can cover the cost of my book(ordered it online so it was cheaper) and then i can sell the karl marx book. i sell one for 8, and i earn 5 and i sell 2 and i have covered my cost. FREE BOOKS! what an ingenious idea, only can come from mervyn tan, the greatest.

oh ya and i will win the 1000 bucks in the econs quiz. and then i'll be happy. for a few days at least.

when i was in the bath just now, this thought came to my head. and that was, the existence of human conflicts and animosity stems from the fact that we do not accept the other person for who they are, and do not accept that such a person can exist in our lives. therefore, the simplest way to resolve this is to think that everyone is a jackass, a complete idiot. and so u won't find that their flaws are alarming, or screwed up, cos u expected it from them, and thus u'd be better able to accept their flaws. it is only when ppl lead ppl on to create a false impression that such inability to accept their flaws come about. ok but screw this analysis of huiman relations, its screwing around with my head.

anyway i finally finished the investment essay, which i was sposed to do this time last week. didnt manage to do it last night due to the wine. damn. shouldnt have had the wine. today's a special day. its the 29th of february. but i can't really be bothered. cos to me, a date is just a date. and it has no significance to me. what matters to me is what u can accomplish within the day.

oh me and bra went arnd showing ppl some magic tricks, and there was one that positively freaked everyone out. they had a look of shock on their face as if i were a devil or something like that. how cool was that. as if i was engaging in some sort of voodoo. they were all like "what the hell!" hahahaa damnn cool. should try this some other time man......
ok

i think i have nothing much else to say also. and i went to order 2 books today. ok that's all for now i think. i guess i'll have more to say next time. i miss the one. i wanna talk to her. she looks like a fun girl. she's sporty to boot. hmm, fits my ideals. not bad. ok good night, im off to do some reading, realised that i have loads and loads and really bloody hell truck loads of stuff to read. like a university student. ok goodnight one and all. sweet drms and take care..


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mervyn at 2/28/2004 05:21:00 PM

my 1st 3 months.

as i look at how the j1's end their first three months, i think back about the days long gone. in retrospect, i think i had fun in my 1st 3 months. at least we got to go out alot. we did spend quite abit of time after sch having loads of fun. that was cool. haha. sadly, the situation now ain't like that. everyone's so caught up with life. with studies. with their own problems.

i remember in first 3 months, i was a real jackass! hahaha.. cos i was so ahbeng. what with my dyed hair and all. and ear piercing too. what an idiot i was. then there was ahlam, kah hui, james, kiat, jingming etc, etc, and the girls were really idiotic too. ppl like wendy, xinying, puay san, peishan, junjing, etc. etc. i mean, its like we met from very very different backgrnds, actually this is like a damn new feeling, not like in sec sch when we were all young and didnt know a thing and met each other. in jc, its like we already have our own thinking mindsets, etc. etc. so its really a fusion of diverse characters. and all that. and frankly, it was interesting. the only thing was that the romantic in me wasnt quite satisfied cos there was no chiobus hahaha. all along in my head, ok let this be a secret, which isnt very secretive anyway since im writing this here, but all along i've had my ideal notions and fantasies of romance and love. i've read the teenage textbook/workbook 3 times over so u should know what that notion of jc romance is like. i've watched moulin rouge a million and one times so you should know how i perceive every romance should end (death. haha) but the years have passed me by. like a whirlwind they have gone. and in the space of a yr, i've not accomplished anything great. i haven't fell in love in my sense of romance. puppy love is still love init. ok whatever. this conersation would normally lead me to conversations on THE ONE, but we'll leave that for a later paragraph.

so as i was saying, my 1st 3 months class were really a motley crew. pity they didn't stay on as a class. that was really sad. but well, the sweet memories remain. but. i'll always be reminscient of those memories. and everytime i think abt it, i regret. i dun know what's there to regret but i just feel a deep sense of regret. and i don't know why.

when i look at ppl arnd me, i regret not studying harder. i know that i am of a certain intelligence level, i'm not being a boast or anything like that, but i can confidently say that i'm smart enough to get very very good grades. but i didnt take control of the one factor which i could control. the degree to which i studied. and the stuff which i studied. and i regretted that. if only i had really put in some REAL effort, im sure i'd have done much better. im such an idiot, a jackass even i feel like kicking myself real hard.

so i will try to get 4As. cos i don't wanna feel the same sense of regret anymore. i know that 20 years, even 30 years from now. i'd look back and make my sons do all the things that i never got the chance to do. i think i'd be a very selfish father. but i guess most fathers are like that. they'll want their son to do accomplish something that they never go around to do. i think i'll want my sons to go to dunman high, and make their lives worthwhile there. WHY AM i planning my life on a saturday afternnoon when i should be out in the sun? oh screw it. but nvm. i'll want my son to be a good sportsman. i want him to run effortlessly. i'll want him to be a good guy. not like me. im a bad guy. i'll want him to have gd genes. hahaha which indirectly means i'll have to marry a pretty woman. but by my time and age im sure u'd be able to engineer even ur son's looks. so screw it.

anyway as i was saying before, the puppy love thing. do u know tt after the math test ytd, as i was walking to class, i saw the one, and when i got near her and she passed me by, my heart was beating so fast it was gonna fly out of my mouth. but of cos, being the very cool guy that i was, i didnt even look at her and just looked straight. but the rush of adrenaline was crazy. ha. im totally infatuated. i'm a goner this time. hope she remains arnd, then perhaps we could like. talk to each other? hahaa. ok i know. i'll retain one year. can anyone help me?!?! hahahahaa....

anyway that's all i have to say. my econs seminar question is this.
Consider the suggestion that economic instability is inevitable in a market economy and slow growth inevitable in a command economy. if anyone can help me with this, PLEASE DO! hahaa... ok that's all i have to say for now, i'm going out soon to meet my gay partner, my dearest one and only darling brian. ya i'm gay. ok hope u girls are not too upset. kk gdbye. listening to because of you now. its real sweet.

cos im losing my mind when you're not arnd
it's all because of YOU (you know who you are.)



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mervyn at 2/28/2004 06:41:00 AM

Friday, February 27, 2004

the results day

hi blogger. im sleepy and got 5 glasses of cabernet sauvignon just now so i should be sleeping soon.

anyway sch today was hectic. very hectic. i didnt have a break til 2pm. so i was hungry to death. and the break at 2pm was given by myself ie. i went to class very late. anyway nothing major happened in sch today, just tt i finally satisfied my curiousity, at a big price, but i believe that this is an investment that will pay off over time, so i'm fine with it.

after sch, had econs S. which was quite interesting, cos we got our seminar topics. my seminar topic seems quite interesting. what with the marxist theories and all that. this would be a nice time to explore the marxist and smithist theories. haha... damn now my eyes are glassy.

had a wedding dinner after that, at holiday inn. just went with my mum. its really sian and boring, and all.

as i was attending the wedding dinner, i told myself that i should get married within 10 years time. which gives me effectively 10 years to find a good girl, court her, and marry her. oh and whilst im doing that i'm sposed to find a job and get some money to book the grandest ballroom so i can invite many ppl. not that i want to, but so that my family can invite alot of ppl. and my grandfather will invite lotsa ppl. hahaha... and my bride. ok lets not talk abt that thats too explicit and too lovelorn and delusional of me. but hey, everyone has dreams! and some realise them.

today, there was some sort of attempt to mix the cliques in class. haha. that's all i can say. ha. ha. ha. ok that's it. im very mean. think i'll tell my father to book sultan shoal during the june holidays. can go there and relax, fish and basically laze around in the sun. ok think ill doo that. anyone wants to go? oh ya but got pre u sem. have to go to sch early tmr. going to sleep now i guess
goodnight.

for the course of true love
never did run smooth.
but the course of true lust
never did either.

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mervyn at 2/27/2004 04:43:00 PM

Thursday, February 26, 2004

the day i played soccer with girls

hi, shall make this a short entry, tho i have time to blog cos im downloading something and doing some other stuff at the same time so i think i have time to blog but ah dun wanna talk too much. lazy.

anyway nothing much happened today, fabian was a killer with his popping fireworks, that was a true classic. other than that, the day flashed by me. whilst i was talking to econs lee after class with a bunch of ppl, the one passed me by. i was so captivated even by her back view... HELP ME IM INFATUATED! well, but still, she's damn cute, and chio lah. she got a nice pout also man. nice legs too. okie so thats enough, learnt that i should not aim to get distinctions in econs S. and learnt that i must read more. ok i think i will. have to work out a new timetable. to lead my life for me.

slacked arnd the place during my free period, thought abt stuff the whole day. am really confused now. but still i should try to sort out my brains. im experiencing literature disease. or the crazy poet disease. u know the one that every literature student gets once in a while from reading too much demented poets and thinking about this stupid thoughts of the novelist. and then u think too much and u eventually end up crazy. maybe its just me. who else would think of screwing up the whole economy after learning stuff in economics? who else would link the lessons in history to creating your own form of nationalist movement?!?! maybe its just me.

from www.horoscope.com, friday's chinese proverb is "Of all the thirty-six alternatives, running away is best. " yes i would love to runaway from it all. anyway i think now i wan to make a difference in my life. as i think back abt how my life has passed me by, i kinda regret.

played soccer with the girls during pe. had my own kinda fun playing arnd with them and making them run circles. hahaha. tho that's quite mean. but aiya its so boring. should play some kinda game called who can run 2.4 the fastest. or something like who can run to the top of the stairs first.

anyway after sch went home, slept on the bus, read my book, blabla etc, den went to pick joelle up frm sch, which is like 1 minute walk from my house. its just crossing the road. wished i was still in primary school haha then i could just go to sch like that everyday. hahaha what a mindless thought i have. hahaha. but its very funny. she's very cute.. but she looks so ugly in sch!!! hahaah she looks terrible!! with her specs and now that her two teeth dropped out.. yuxxx hahaha.. ook i guess thats abt it. nothing much to say now also. oh ya den she was eating her donuts and i asked her to give me one and she asked me why i was so stupid didnt eat it before she come back.. hahaha idiotic girl but she gave me one in the end...

ok lah i think i'll end here. i'm very excited abt today going to get something for myself later. in the afternoon after sch. gd luck, (tho it wont really help much) to those who are receiving results later. always remember (tho i think u'll read all this after u all collect results) that in life, it doesnt matter how hard u fall, or how bad the fall is. all that matters is how fast u stand up.

ok im such a pessimist. also remember, yin shui si yuan (remember the source when u drink water) if u get good grades, thank ur teachers! and also remember, i can be in the sky cos im on the shoulders of giants. ok, so thank ur teachers again. hope that the one will get gd grades. and come to arts. hahaha ok that's all. gdnite one and all. perhaps i could give the one econs tuition when she comes to arts. peer mentoring programme. she takes math too. ok i'll give her math tuition. i can even recite shakespeare to her. ok that's all for now. good night everyone. sweet dreams. to me.

cos my life
is rebuilding itself.

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mervyn at 2/26/2004 04:01:00 PM

Wednesday, February 25, 2004

the day my life fell apart

hey. today, was a day, which kinda sucked. as predicted by my horoscope. it really kinda sucked, and it was a 2 star day. went to sch late and got qstned by ms chua why i wasnt in line. but that's usual aint it. went to 04s27 to tell them abt the open dialogue session and they were very sian abt it. frankly, it doesnt concern them cos they're j1s and some of them wanan leave anyway. or some can't stay. either way, very few will be left. just like my poor class last yr. only 5 ppl from my 1st 3 months class were left.so sad.

sch passed me by in a blur. i was so sleepy that i actually drew lines on my paper during whitby's lesson (last period) i was like writing den i dozed off and my pen just slid across the whole paper. hahaha and that happened a number of times. dunno why i was so sleepy. then during the talk by i duno who i just completely slept. and i overslept on the bus and ended up one stop after my house. what a terrible day. stayed back after sch to see VJ make a mockery out of NJ. i still have the utmost respect for VJC. their coach is really a alex ferguson. king of mind games. and crazy and eccentric fitness maniac. actually i wont mind that kinda life. better than my mindless existence right now. but still, i don't regret my choice in coming to NJ actually. cos at the end, NJ is still the most established brand name. and it's all abt branding nowadays. altho i'm quite disappointed tt my sec sch frens arent here to talk cock with me but its ok i guess, at the end of the day, all i wan to do is graduate from here with some stuff. and nj sure has given me lotsa opportunities. and i appreciate that. but still, all i wanan do is just graduate. altho i'll miss sch life. but still.

i really am very thankful for my class. they help prepare me for working life. for office politics. and how to deal with people u don't like. and its quite obvious thru the way in which our seats are arranged. u can tell alot abt the class. and why is the class always so quiet during lesosns. aren't they sposed to be scholars? scholars without a mouth are nothing. they only know how to talk to put on a show. dun they know that its very funny when the teacher just stares at u and u stare back and u completely dunno what to say. i think they know but just cant be bothered cos the teachers arent giving them scholarships anyway. i think scholarship boards shud base their selections on like classmates opinions, spycam in class etc etc. but obviously im constructing my own fantasy world once again, so that' doesnt work.

i need a new phone and i wanna get the siemens SX1. do i have the money? no. ok so once again, i am limited by money. oh this is a great interesting something that happened just now. i went to the shop and save near my house and as i was checking out, i saw this indian girl, wrapped in the most conservative of saries, and this indian man, who looked terrible, checking out condoms. hahaha. and the woman was standing besdide him looking so coy and shy she moved away eventually. and the guy was like examining every packet and reading the contents on the box. hahaa.. and he was there for close to 5 mins, and was eventually satisfied and walked saway with a very satisfied look on his face, whilst clutching the box of condoms. and then i looked at the couple and tried to imagine them engaging in any form of relations. and i started laughing. IT WAS SO FUNNY. hahaha cos both of them really looked like idiots. and they're indian. how'd they find each other in the dark?!?!

anyway im listening to sad love songs right now and lamenting the sorry state of my love life. oh so this is cool and that's cool that a and b all like me but i like neither of them and i'm totally gay. but its true. i think i'm sick of girls now. they cause me so much problems, and waste my time and money. im better off being gay. i think i wouldnt mind being gay. at least i can go to the gym everyday and have a nice body. just like my shuai idol teacher. he's my role model man!!! but frankly, girls are so so so so so so so so so irritating. never thought i'd be saying this but i am.

i guess this is getting to be a rather long entry and basically, my whole day was really screwed up and kinda sucks. and so, im just ranting on this blog. maybe i'll have peace of mind tonight. i need a masseuse to give me a scented oil massage with candles and maybe a little hot wax. perhaps some handcuffs would do fine. ok no i just need a soothing massage. and u can screw off because i dun need sex with that. maybe i just need to die for awhile and come back to life after i've relaxed. ok that's all. goodnight to all of u. and ya bitches better watch out, cos what goes around comes around. and it'll screw u in the ass real bad. REALLY REALLY BAD.

gdnight!!!!!


for, sin's so sweet
as minds ill bent
rarely repent.

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mervyn at 2/25/2004 03:33:00 PM

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

the good day

hi blog. so what's new today? today's a tuesday. a tumultous tuesday. and as usual, i woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. got to sch very late, jus as they finished singing the national anthem. had to run all the way to the parade square to make sure that i was there the moment they were dismissed so tt miss chua would see me, turns out she was late too. well, ok let me explain this. basically, the stupid college works on a system where ppl tap their cards for attendance. my card, is with a friend, who has to come early everyday. and so, i'm never late, and always in school. so i have to come and show her that im not late. when actually i stroll in when the sch is still singing the national anthem. u might think this makes little difference, but trust me, the traffic is very different within a matter of 5 minutes. and i thought she was sposed to be reading announcements, turns out her shift of announcement reading was over. damn.!

anyway, turns out she came into lecture 10 minutes late, raising our hopes for 9 minutes that she wouldnt be in school. her lecture went by pretty uneventfully cos i didnt have the notes, and so i just stoned. luckily i went out of the lt after the lecture in btwn math to go to the toilet and she stopped me to remind me to go to detention and i told her the absurdity of the situation but that i'll go for detention still, and surprise of all surprises, gilbert lee walks into econs an hour later and tells me i have been released from the dungeons, the gulags, freed from the catacombs. could u imagine how overjoyed i was? YOU CAN? cos frankly, i wasnt! but that's a subject for another time. i was already psyched on attending my first detention in my whole school history and there it was ruined. ok so i still have an impeccable track record of no detention, but i wanna join the detention club! clara started it. hahaha ok tts bull. ok the way im saying it is like detention is like sex and i'm a detention-virgin. ok but of course, we shud not cheapen it that way. (detention not sex)

so gilbert lee's lesson was MCQ, which turned out to become 1/5 MCQ and 4/5 his life stories again. ok they're quite interesting but some muggers in the class probably wanna do their MCQs. mugmugmugmugmugmugmgugmug, what stupid use will an A have in ur lives? wads the use of econs in ur life except making money? nothing!! i think our most important lessons in school is learning how to interact with others. not the mclaurins formula, john donne's poetry, or even, the general price level. and interaction means playing politics also lah. like screwing up ppl's lives. helping ppl to rebuild their screwed up lives. blabla, etc. etc. then it was break, and hist lect. hist lect was hectic and ms ng goes at a pace that is so quick, so fast, yet not exceedingly fast tt u can catch up yet it leaves u with no time to stone, sms blabla etc. amazing how she does it. maybe its jsut the RJ thing. haha. efficiency at its very best. then it was benzie dio's tutorial which passed by like a whim, but only at the end did it get kinda interesting as he started telling us juicy stuff again. dear mark went to the gym, so during mark's period, we had a free period!! it came so unplanned, and so unexpected that we all stained our.... timetables. ok tt was so corny.
oh and i exposed ms chua's (math) scandal. MUAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA she was soooooooooo afraid and uptight hahaahahhaahahahaahhaha so funny. but i was just joking anyway.

stoned arnd after sch, talked to davina and wadshername and went to see THE ONE. wow i tell u the one is so attractive la, i could just spend my days talking abt her. yes. i am an infatuated schoolboy. but every schoolboy is entitled to his own infatuations no? i remember the last time i was this infatuated was in sec 4. but the one looks like the girl tt i was infatuated with, so this might explain everything. but still, it doesnt mask the fact that i still dunno her yet. maybe i will go and know her soon. but that's what i say everyday.

the one is so beautiful and
she brings joy to my dullest days;
nights spent thinking of her beauty
go on forever til i fall

ok thats a octosyllabic lined quatrain for my little the one.

and so soccer was so boring. i hate soccer nowadays. it sucks, it sucks, and i hate watching soccer, playing soccer, everything soccer. ok not hate. its a strong word. i just feel so sian abt it. now i understand what brian feels like which madee him become a quitter in the VJ team. haahaha

went to the hospital after sch, it was quite ok, my grandfather's ok except his blood sugar is alarmingly high and he should get it down asap. but he's fine. and that's good. haha... hes still as sharp as ever. i believe he'll get himself well soon cos he's a great chinese doctor.

life was prretty good to me today, i had quite a fun day. played with joelle at the hospital. she looks so terrible now with her specs and her two front teeth gone. but its very cute hahaha she's so funny and cute.. very fun to play with her. she was washing her hands with the antiseptic at every door cos i taught her to. hahaha very funny. life's pretty gd anyway and i guess im rather idiotic nowadays tho cos life's so gd.

some real nice songs are going thru my head the whole day. but that's abt it for the time being, think i'll go rest. didnt really write much of any value in today's entry. but im tired. and u should forgive me. k gdnight one and all, or gd morning, or afternoon whenever u're reaidng. kkk byebeye. sweet drms.


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mervyn at 2/24/2004 04:45:00 PM

the economist blog

hi everyone, pls visit the economist blog at http://economistmerv.blogspot.com. altho not all of u have economist subscriptions, u can still read the economist online at this blog!!! this would be beneficial to ur understanding of current affairs! and it would help me too.
so dun be shy, visit the economist blog at http://economistmerv.blogspot.com !!!!!! you can make a difference in ur life by reading the economist today!!!

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mervyn at 2/24/2004 06:50:00 AM

Monday, February 23, 2004

the day she passed me by.

hi blog. its 0123 now, and ive just abandoned my history essay. i've done 2 pages i guess i'll just have to finish it up in sch tmr. well, its been a tiring day, ok not really, was feeling rather sick in the evening just now. but im fine now. i'm nocturnal.

wasnt feeling too good after sch today cos i heard that my grandfather's in hospital. apparently he' got an eye cataract tt's so big its crushing his temple. and now they realised that he has very high diabetes, so tts quite bad. but he drinks alot of alcohol and smokes alot, but ok he's been quite fine so far. and he's dehydrated too. hopefully he gets well soon. maybe i can go visit him tmr after sch, tho it wont be probable. cos still have soccer after detention. arghhhhhhhhh ok nvm, but i should go and visit him cos im his favourite grandson! and he's my favourite grandfather! ok but screw it, school suxxx. anyway i just hope that he gets well soon. he cure so many ppl of their sickness so he should have some gd karma and get cured too right.

so when i saw cand's frens at the bus stop i was quite sian also cos i didnt feel like talking to anyone. lucky my bus came quite soon and i didnt have to talk to them much anywya. they were crashing and were taking a bus home from the nj busstop. but i saw the one when i was coming down the stairs so that kinda made me happier a little, but then i still was unhappy and dao-ed the whole world. watching shi zi lu kou now and i should get this done with so that i can turn off the lgihts and turn on the aircon as soon as shi zi lu kou ends and sleep. i think i'll need a little origins peace of mind for later.

was thinking of applying for the MAS JC award but realised that perhaps my grades were too lousy. argh, if only i knew the importance of the o levels, i wouldnt have played so much. this statement has been said before, the system doesn't allow for mistakes. and once u do something, that decides ur whole life forever. in a fishing village, would anyone say tt u can't go out and catch fish again if tthe fish got away with ur hook today or ur net was torn? no righT? duh! but i dun really need the $1000 of the award do i? ok maybe i do, i do want a little cash to increase my disposable income, which is miserably low now. i need money. money makes the world go round, and money is the root of all evil, and i'm the leaves, the branches, the sprout of all evil!!!! SO WHERE ARE MY ROOTS?!?!!?

ok enough crap, today they bought a $27 cake for esther. im not complaining abt the price tag, but if they bought a $27 cake for everybody, then its ok. but they didnt. clara's cake cost $12, someone else's was like $5? wads so special abt esther tt she deserves a $27 cake? even the person tt commands the most respect in class doesnt deserve that much. $27 split up by 16 ppl is arnd $1.50 per person. and they didnt even ask us whether they could spend that obscene amount of money. they just did. ok la im not being a sour grape here lah, but its just the principle of it is all wrong. its not because i don't like esther, but rather u shud see the principle behind it, but of course, do disregard this cos after all its her birthday and she shouldn't be upset on her birthday. nobody wants to be upset on their birthday right? in fact, nobody wants to be upset. but my dear jiemeis, if u are reading this, i certainly hope that you all don't get offended and upset by the things i write here about u, cos frankly, nobody invited u here to read this, and furthermore, u all made that independent choice to come here to read it after being "told" by certain sources of information. and u should know that i'm one who holds no punches. anyway i think that's all i have to comment about the significant event of the school day. which i was bitching abt with bings just now.

yea thats abt it think i'll end here, hopefully i'll have a great day tmr in sch ( my horoscope says it'll be gd.) and ya, everyone stay cool and funky, i'll update u more on my detention tmr. which is SO wrong. but life's like tt and when life screws us upside down, what can we do. there was this very meaningful thing i read frm don't know where on "we can't control what happens to us. but we can control our reaction." and tts been one of my guiding lights all along " not how hard u fall but how fast u stand up." but now, it seems like some ppl are trying to break my legs and hands so i can't stand up. bUT NO WORRIES! THAT'S WHAT PROSTHETIC LIMBS AND CRUTCHES ARE FOR!!! ok good night to one and all, sweet dreams. to myself, of course. of the one. so pretty. so sweet.

END OF TERM INTER-JC BASH
CHINA BLACK
MARCH 15
BE THERE.
pre-sale tickets now, (gals $15 guys $18)
contact Mervyn 91767768 or Brian 97264784

mervyn at 2/23/2004 05:25:00 PM

the chemistry of love

the chemistry of love.
interesting read. go read it, the economist is good for everyone.

mervyn at 2/23/2004 04:16:00 AM

hi anyone has any reccomendations for books which track the evolution of world history (anthropology) and how ppl migrated from one place to another to form new nations.
e.g. the chinese migration to japan, american's migration to india, and british migration to australia.

and i was just informed tat i have to go for detention for an offence which i didnt do. ie. absence from chinese new year coincert (when i got the cip hours for helping out backstage in the CNY concert.) how absurd is that. frankly, too much red tape really sucks. this is so stupid. if u can't get someone to come for ur concert (which i did) why not make it so attractive that ppl actually WANT to come and have an incentive to come instead of doing this kinda stupid stuff? and better checks and balances pls, but we must not forget, this is a sch and the way it is run is very hard to manage. ok screw it anyway. im in bytz now rotting my life away when im sposed to be at some stress management talk which is obviously a waste of time,m so im managing my own stress here on my own by coming to bytz. and besides, all the teachers are locked away in the sanctuary attending some meeting, so nobody is here to police me, i have to police myself. and life is very stressful!


ok goodbye

mervyn at 2/23/2004 03:57:00 AM

Sunday, February 22, 2004

the new room

hey. today's a sunday. ok im updating this on monday morning tho. like 1 something. anyway, today was quite a fruitful day, tho i woke up quite late(1245 hours) but still, went to ikea after that, with my mum.

ate some stuff at the ikea cafeteria. the swedish meatballs aint as nice as ppl say they are. ate spaghetti, which kinda sucked cos it was vegetarian. the salad's serving was too small. ok the chicken wings were ok, but other than that, it kinda was ok, la average. the coffee brew was really strong and fragrant tho, and i had 4 cups of it, which resulted in me getting a overdose and i was on a caffeine high from 2 - 5. which really sucks cos i was feeling really jumpy and hyper but of cos i refrained frm jumping arnd the place and tried to sit down but of cos, caffeine really sucks and screws with me. lucky i stopped having the 5th cup after a few sips cos i said i might just die. but still, the coffee was nice. shall go there and have more coffee around the near future. bought loadsa stuff at ikea, mainly the table and the moving cabinet for my study room ( the one that i converted into a study room today, which used to be the laundry room.) see how geared up i am to turn into a lean, mean, mugging machine?! that's right. mervyn tan is going to be the lean, mean, mugging machine mervyn (alliteration at its best) and get his common test AAAF(for maths) ok AAAB lah, predicted grade AAAA, s paper distinction, prelim grade AAAA, a level grade AAAA and eventually, u will see my name on the newspaper (boy commits suicide due to too much stress when too many companies and universities begs him to come to their universities and accept their scholarships.) ok, but enough crap, i m going to work hard. and the table is really damn nice la, its like 150 cm X 80cm, really big, like a architect table. so tt my working space is real big and i can throw my stuff all around. but of cos, smart ppl must organise their stuff. hahaa.. ok.. anyway, i have a list of scholarships which i would like.

1. PSC SPFOS
2. PSC Singapore Government Scholarship (home affairs blabla)
3. MAS
4. EDB
5. PSA (and turn into a lackey)

ok, anyway i came back arnd 7 and spent the whole of the evening (no breaks) fixing the table and the stupid moving cabinet, which took me ages and got my hands all red cos the screws couldnt get in. screw it! (good pun) [very smart, mervyn.] but then ok, finished arnd 0000. and did my work til 0030. and bathed. and now i'm here. anyway there's not reallly much to say.

my personal thoughts for the first time : right now, i really feel like a complete bastard, without any sense of sympathy in my bones. i feel like i could be a hitler and feel a little thing, but not so much. i would be happy to cause mass destruction. and i feel that my sadistic streak has increased. and frankly, this has to stop. but we all know, that this is a world where ruthlessness rules.(alliteration again) and frankly, i feel that i am a complete bastard, at this point of time. i also feel that im going to turn gay soon cos i hate girls and the problems which they bring about. ok, lets rephrase that. i hate the world. (yes im in the teenage angst stage where the world really sucks) ok actually there's still some things in the world which are worth living for, but obviously, when i rant, i don't consider those.

actually, my personal philosophy has always been that, if u dun step on my tail, i don't step on urs. if u treat me nice, i'll treat u equally nice. BUT THE MOMENT U FUCK AROUND WITH ME, I'LL FUCK YOU BACK A MILLION TIMES OVER. so ok, i guess im justified in being a total bastard, cos the world has been fucking me too much. let me list down one by one, or perhaps just a small excerpt of what ppl have been irking me with. and if u r offended by this, I'M FUCKING SORRY COS U OFFENDED ME FIRST AND IM A PETTY BOY. COS I AM GAY OK. so sue me.

1. weepin and his incessant nonsense
2. joan and peishan standing up for weepin and his incessant nonsense.
3. the idiot(real or imaginary) who started this irritating bullfuck.
4. the jiemeis
4.1.esther
4.2 jaime
5. james
5.1 rachel
6. girl whose identity shall not be disclosed cos of privacy issues (below 18)
7. myself, cos i dun have the balls to talk to the girl
8. the girl, for being so pretty and attractive.
9. yq
10. a certain grp of ppl, just cos i dun like their faces.
11. you, reading this blog, for thinking im a fucking idiot who thinks the world owes me a living and that im a stupid dumb bloody asshole bastard who writes all this. BUT FUCK U IM JUST BRAVE ENOUGH TO PUT THIS UP, WHILST U JUST HAVE ALL THIS FUCKING SAME THOUGHTS RUNNING THRU UR BLOODY HEAD and have no balls to admit that u even think these thoughts.

ok what started out as a nice, angelic entry turned into this. ha! ok its late anyway and my caffeine addiction is fucking arnd with me, goodnight alll ya dickheads, and see ya soon. i guess, this entry has officially ended.

good night,
hope u stay tight.

mervyn at 2/22/2004 05:01:00 PM

Saturday, February 21, 2004

a saturday party

hey, so what's new? anyway, woke up, really tired, this morning, to go attend the fun-o-rama at ACJC. it was more like sian-o-rama. i took my ten bucks and went to eat some crap which tasted horrible, and left. it was so boring, like nothing to do. i guess its cos their area is too big..

after that went walking around, and all that.. quite boring actually, but i had nothing better to do. so then i got forced by someone, compelled, to go to something, which i didnt think i wanted to go to actually cos its like super weird, but anyway i went in the end, and wore something nice there, then everyone was dressed like normalyl so ok i overdressed but hey, im the superstar so i should overdress shouldn't i? hahaha so brought along some stuff, and ya tts abt it.... anyway when i first arrived there it was quite awkward cos i realyl didnt know anyone there. and they were ok la like quite weird at first but after tt started to tallk so its quite fine. the food was kinda non-existent (very unlike i was told "there surely will be extra one!!!") ok so maybe that was the trickery strategy.. ok but nvm la, im not a greedy guy, maybe its just cos the whole day i only ate the horrible crap at the ac funfair. stupid me should have ate more. ok anyway ya tts abt it, ivana's sister stole my $1 and 3 20 cents and 3 10 cents coins and left me with a few scars after i showed her some magic tricks and disturbed her a little. so sad, but nvm la hahaha but i was bullied by a little girl!!!! ok anyway i guess tts abt it, just tt i had no food!! ok tts quite besides the point. they should have told me, then i will go and make some food. stupid them! haaha ok nvm, i shalt not complain

been reading my age of the economist and the economist magazine and i realised that economics is really damn important la, its like a science, yet it is never constant all the time. and the whole world revolves arnd economics, and the world would just break down if ppl dun understand economics. everybody has to get thru life with some economics, even if u never learnt economics before, u would know that if something is more expensive, u wouldnt buy it. it's like human nature! ok i guess i should stop talking so much abt economics or ppl will say im a nerd or something like that. AN ACADEMIC NERD Hahahahaha ok some bulllshit. i thnik CK one is really very nice smelling. anyway i need to get down to some serious studying soon, i got the math lecture test on friday. i need a personal assistant to come and get my books in order and force me to study. i lack discipline. i need that. ok forget it, my hand still hurts alot.

anyway i think i'll end here for the ngiht, wanna go lie down on my bed. ok good night everyone, hope u all have a great sunday, and in the meantime, chill out. ya. k bye.

it may be quite simple but
now that its done.

mervyn at 2/21/2004 04:23:00 PM

Friday, February 20, 2004

sprained wrist

hi blog. due to popular demand, i'm back! but im typing this damn slowly due to my sprained wrist. the past few days have been really busy ones and i only arrived home arnd 10+.. and went to do my stuff. so glad that this is the last day of the week.

anyway, today, after sch, played soccer. i played quite well and scored two goals, but this stupid dickhead who doesnt really know how to play and keeps tripping over the ball had to come and act smart and tackle me. which he deserved a yellow card for cos the ball was already in front. and he clipped my ankles. dickhead. and i fell over sideways and landed awkwardly and now my bloody right wrist is damn bloody pain and fucked up. i hope it recovers soon, its really damn pain. and i can't stand it! stupid idiot, doesnt know how to play properly wanna anyhow come and play with LIM BEI!! i will ram his balls the next time when im ok and i have the chance to. but he looks a little psychotic. those kinda nerdy psychotic fella.like a rapist. ok.

today was quite a boring day in sch actually, and i was in a bad mood. ok i'm operating on a sin curve. like if monday im bad mood, tuesday i'll be normal, then wed gd mood, then thurs normal den fri bad mood. so it really depends on monday. not like some ppl siao siao have a y=999 curve, so they're forever bouncy, chirpy, and on the brink of insanity. or some people who have a 34sin67x curve, so they're highly erratic, have incredible mood swings, and the spectrum of moods is amazing. or there's the one who has a computer chip inbuilt, and the most important line in her entire source code is the one where {onsight mervyn, mood value= -99999} ok. thats enuf of my nonsense.

anyway tmr is a saturday, and being the ever so popular, highly likeable, controversial, notorious, mass marketed mervyn, i have a slew of events awaiting my gracing. like, the AC fun fair. (talentime [but im not going]), some mysterious boxed up event (which im not feeling like going, since i don't know anyone there.) running, shopping, going to james's house or ahlam's, (which has been cancelled i think), CIP (which im also not going for since im going to AC), so that really leaves me with nothing of extreme value to do, except maybe to get myself drunk and lie in the streets til sunday morning. exciting prospect. ok, anyway so where is my personal assistant to come up with my personal timetable huh. i need a new personal assistant!!!! haha ok imma talking cock again. this statement has been said before, but i'll say it again. my blog is realyl all cock, nothing of true value or substance, or nothing juicy or explicit, or scandalous. so it's rather boring actually.

oh on a side note altogether, today, when i was at the basketball playing soccer, the one stood there for like close to eternity(which is approximately 10 mins) and i was stealing glances at her all the time. she bears a striking resemblance to ------ and really, its amazing. and i just get so captivated by the way she runs, the way she does everything! her hair, its so nice! oh when will i ever summon enough courage from the elements around us and the feng shui and the yin and yang fits perfectly, and then maybe i will go ask her name. ok but actually i already know her name. ok i shud make my name known to her. but ok considering logic, she shud know my name too. ok maybe i shud make known to her that we should know each other on a more personal basis, like maybe, acquaintances. EVERYONE STARTS SOMEWHERE Y`KNOW! ok, i almost got close to telling her that i found her cute today but somehow or other, my balls kinda rolled away when i went into her radius. either that or they were purely imaginary. either way, i didnt talk to her, and i screwed up! ha! ok what the hell am i saying!?!?

aiya, so life is pretty boring now, and basically, im looking for something to jolt me back into existence, essentially (bring me back to life) hahaha ok sorry, i just had to make that lame comment. ya ya i think tts enough happenings for the day, something terribly bad happened today but it was destined to happen in the first place. everyone bears responsibilities for their actions, and sometimes, when u try to sweep everything under the rug, the bulge becomes just too big for the rug to cover anymore. and maybe then u'll have to sack the maid and change the rug. ok i'm fucking talking balls cos its 2.06 am now and my brains are screwing around with jenna jameson. ok, i think ill end here. good night all, sweet drms, and make full use of ur weekend.

i love art house films.

mervyn at 2/20/2004 05:29:00 PM

Thursday, February 19, 2004

fuck it

hey, i really don't like the way that you look at me, with that highly contemptuous look, as if i were saying u were a bitch and fucking a dog. hey, fuck u, i mean, what's with that? i didnt even do anything. i don't like the way that you look at me, and the way your face changes the moment i walk in ur sight. its not as if i did anything to you, i can't even be bothered with you actually. but fuck it. as usual, im talking about one of the jie meis..
and her name starts with a very commonly used letter of the alphabet. and frankly, i think she sucks. k tts all im still in sch.

mervyn at 2/19/2004 06:19:00 AM

Wednesday, February 18, 2004

pleasant shock

i had a pleasant shock this afternoon. let me recount to you the order of events.
1. saw sharon phua (shock)
2. walked down and she smiled at me (shocked)
3. she opened her mouth
4. she started talking to me and said "walking hanger"
5. i started explaining to her
6. she smiled and me and said i would spoil my uniform
7. stunned that she's so nice.

ok so maybe she's a nice but misunderstood person yea. haha quite a pleasant shock really. but oh welll...

had something else to say was thinking abt it in the bath just now but sorta forgot. when i remeber i'll write it down somewhere. k bye off to write to my angel and read my stuff. gdnite.

mervyn at 2/18/2004 03:48:00 PM

a new day awaits

hi bloggo. wassap! anyway life now is like so sian.. brought some vietnamese ppl arnd the sch yesterday, and established a vietnamese fan club. maybe the vietnamese gals like guys tt look like me.. the kind of ugly look but very unique.. ahhaha.. but i like the vietnamese clothing. the ao dai or something like that. it's very elegant and flowy, and accentuates their figures. they all look like demure lil girls, but always remember, these are the ppl who held off the americans.. and also, they are the ppl who won alot of wars. so dun be fooled by their looks!

anyway, life now is starting to get very stressful. the stress is coming from every corner possible. i guess i need to take a hiatus of some sort to rest myself. ok la maybe some of these is unneccessary. but still, life's like that and we get thru it somehow.

ok today sch was rather uneventful, but at least i managed to clear some of the nagging qstns which i have been terrorising my dad with since i was a young kid. and he's always been telling me. "next time when u go to jc u will learn in econs." ok now at least im starting to learn a little. next time i have to ask some really terribly difficult qstn so tt gilbert lee can't answer it and then i will be able to write my own book on that qstn haahahahahaa!!!! ok la im just talking cock la im not tt smart. but sometimes its really damn amazing, like the things u can't believe but its true, and how easy it is theoretically to change everybody's way of life, yet in reality its not easy to be done.

oh, but we had miss kwa's farewell party. or a farewell concert actually. it was quite touching actually. ok la, this lady has worked for like 35 yrs, its hard not to appreciate her hard work, but hey, ive never really bothered abt her anyway. but today feel quite sad tt she's leaving after hearing all e propaganda stories abt her.. she had tears in her eyes too. saw it while shaking her hand after e concert.. hahaa.. didnt know she'd be so touched. so the old saying holds true. "you'll never know what you've got til u lost it." and we have now lost a miss kwa!! but she's really damn smart la u can hear it frm talking to her. ok. whatever, just hopes she stays healthy and enjoys her retirement jetting around the world.

played centre mid in soccer today. it was quite a fun role to play. can tackle and make those cool passes. and i like to stand in the center circle all the time. hahaha.. and i like to be in such a central position and can run to all corners of the field easily.. but of cos it takes lotsa responsibilty and fitness and of course, skill. so i hope that i can have all these so that i can continue playing centre mid for like forever. i wanna go to UK and join those UK sch team and be their captain and play centre mid. like how cool lor. like my fren who went to UK and join some cock team and he's playing striker there when he never even played outfield in sg before. hahaha... but still, i like the centre mid role. didn't manage to score any goals. looking forward to score some real goals against that dickhead weizhong soon. he's a real cocky dick. yr 1, so lousy, and still wanna boast tt he got into soccer. for god's sake, we only let him in on altruistic grounds. and he think he damn muscular meh. ok la im such a bitch shudnt really bitch abt ppl actually.

been thinking abt my life recently. realised that i wanna go to either LSE or cambridge to study. either law or economics. both are really fine with me, and maybe i'll take the MAS scholarship if i study econs. law i'll take some other scholarship lah. or maybe i can go to University of Pennsylvania to study Business. altho there's not much use anyway. but at least its seh. but i think i wanna go to UK. and i'll come back a hugh grant. and speak with that tremendously sexy brit accent that sends women weak in their knees. haha talking cock la. ok so i shud study hard. so can all of u pls remind me to study hard cos i've been feeling terribly lazy these few days.

chatting with my dad on msn now, he tells me to just go and study and get gd grades and the rest is easy already. but its not really that easy. ur future is already plotted frm the time u took ur prelims. if only i knew how impt all this would be. our system is as such that it allows little room for failure and once we slip up, its hard to get back into the lead. but i guess that's the way life is. maybe one day when i manage to convince everyone to keep their money at home or just one short withdraw their money for one day, PERHAPs ppl will wake up and change the whole system. ok but i shudnt really screw the system, im a beneficiary of the system. at least im not at the bottom of the social hierachy. like an ITE student. or a PSLE dropout. shallow way of looking at things but tts the way ppl look at things anyway. ok james just msged me to tell me i had a good game, ya i feel that way too. okie. tts abt it.

i guess i'll end here maybe if i have anything else i'll update a little later
ok i think that's all. oh i looked smart in my blazer today. and er sorry to yiling for accusing her of making me sleep, cos it was really my fault. haha. ok byebye. take care everyone. cya soon.

mervyn at 2/18/2004 01:17:00 PM

Monday, February 16, 2004

a running day.

oh wells, started off today with a run. how nice. did 2.4 in pe and came really slow, 10.07. quite disappointed with myself.. maybe i can put the blame on my shoes.. maybe i can put the blame on the track.. maybe i can put the blame on the girls blocking me, BUT ULTIMATELY, ITS BECAUSE I SUCK AND I'M SLOW! AND MY LEGS CANT MOVE FAST!!! ok i hope that i will have better fitness and determination the next time i run. because this isn't the way to do it if i wanna go to NS peacefully..

after that.. the stupid ay passed by uneventfully and i got screwed by miss chua for sleeping during mrs cheng's leadership talk. frankly, it's not my fault what. ek kiat was sleeping on my right, liang fa was sleeping on his right, yi ling was sleeping on liang's right, so it's only right that i started sleeping too, right?! and besides, her talk was kinda old stuff.. she's gone thru it already, or at least i think, so i dun need to listen right? wrong. apparently ms chua thinks its just the most important of all talks and that i should listen to the leadership talk and have no energy during lessons to listen to the supposedly more important stuff. hey, i wanna listen in class cos that's wad MOE wants right?!?! and den she doesnt let. and wants me to mould my character.. and she had to raise her voice when talking to me... " oh the student council is an extremely important blablabla." like so fake lah, do i really care? come on spare me, spare everybody lah. we're tired, so are you. and nobody's stopping you from sleeping too u know, ms "too-much-sunshine" ok i guess that's enough bitching about my teacher. i shud not bitch abt teachers actually, but since this is my last yr to bitch abt teachers, argh, why not la. hahaha.

after tt had miss kwa's farewell rehearsal where we became furniture once again. but this time it was not bad. at least everytihng ran smoothly. the only thing is i look like an absolute pimp in my blazer cos its so big and baggy and i look like a pimp. ok i don't mind being a pimp actually but i need the girls first. headed for alene's bday present after tt. got her a pair of slippers. tho i think we shudnt gives shoes to ppl.. but nvm.. she is new age girl.. but i still abit superstitious la but nvm....

think i'll end here.... nothing much to say also. i only know that love is fucking blind. and some ppl are really blinded by love. and i got nothing to say, because YOU R NOT IN LOVE U FUCKING DICKHEAD!!!!!!! oh, james, of cos i'm not talking about u lah, im talking bout my other friends. but who am i to dictate other ppl's lives lah... but as a friend, im just stating my opinion.. kk think ahlam agrees wif me too. liangs also. bings also. ok enough lah. goodbye. let's hope tmr will be better day. mondays kinda suck.

goodnight!!!!! anyonhaeseeyo!

mervyn at 2/16/2004 03:34:00 PM

Sunday, February 15, 2004

moulin rouge

well, i caught moulin rouge jsut now. it was fantastic, and magical. same as when i watched it the first time. i still remember the first time i watched it was in lido, when i was in sec 3, with my 1st gf. mm that was the first time i watched moulin rouge and i guess i've watched it many times since, but it doesnt fail to bring back the magic that was there all the time, even from the first time.

the story, essentially, is the melodramatic, sad love story of the two lovers who are torn apart by circumstances. a six word summary of the moulin rouge : two lovers torn apart by circumstances. but i guess its the way in which the story unfolds and the way it potrays itself which does it in for me. i'm sure the songs touched everyone, like the elephant love song medley, and also the come what may and its improvisations.wonderful film i say, should be shown at my wedding. but come to think about it, my wedding should have me own love story, not some other tragic love story which ends up as the guy being a penniless writer writing out his sad love story. ok so arsenal won.

watching arts central now, about bobby mcferrin. he's quite a magician really, he's sposed ot be a vocalist and his concerts are rather interesting. he replicates every kind of sound with his voice and its very musical and all but its all his voice and it's got the groove in it. i'd go watch his concert if he was in SG one more time.

freedom, beauty, truth, love. which is most important to you? actualyl i think all of them exist in a perfect circle. first there has to be truth, and then there will be freedom. and when there's freedom, love will come. and we all know how love is beautiful. and because everything is so beautiful, there'd be truth.
i think i should just grow long hair and go be a bohemian. so that i can experience the greatest thing on earth. -the greatest tihng on earth is to love and be loved in return. ya right if only it was that easy. i'd rather live in bill gate's house. that'd be the greatest thing.

tried the cheesecake just now.. it was quite nice. it's fuuuuuuuuuul of vitamin L hahahaaha but its really v nice. everyone's invited to come take a small bite of it. hahaha maybe cheesecake and bailey's irish cream -- ultimate treat for the brave. not for the calorie watchers. anyway, anyone wants some hite korean beer? it tastes really refreshing and crisp, not unlike tiger beer but just tt tiger beer has a little more heavy taste to it whilst hite tastes more like i dunno. was drinking it just now whilst watching moulin rouge. pity no one was watching it with me. k think i'll go bathe soon. got lotsa stuff undone. but i duncare. think i'll go sleep. i like to sleep.
k gdnite everyone. bye bye.

mervyn at 2/15/2004 03:14:00 PM

post-vday treat

-------WARNING----------
NOT FOR THE INTELLECTUALLY IMMATURE. THIS IS EXPLICIT AND MAY OFFEND, ESPECIALLY GIRLS, SO IF YOU'RE NOT UP TO IT, PLS CLICK here
------------------------------------------

post valentine's day treat. a little chocolate and a little love for everybody.
a little cream-filled chocolate does wonders for the soul. ha.

mervyn at 2/15/2004 08:03:00 AM

Saturday, February 14, 2004

haha how cool is that? i think its super cool lah. this guy is damn talented. anyway bought the origins peace of mind just now at isetan.. really kinda helps to lighten the stress and relaxes one. with just a few drops. quite cool. i'd recommend it to anyone who's under pressure. or just anyone who wants to relax and do a zen spa at home. hahaha. it's $22 for a small bottle tho. but ah heck about the price lah, if it's gd i dont mind. and it's proven to be gd. and the stupid plane retails it for $26 anyway. argh who cares. this proves that the duty free is really a rip-off. ah but nvm anyway. and also bough tthe sniffer. marlboro lights without the tobacco. cool. hahaha ok i invented that myself. but the peace of mind sniffer is really not bad. maybe then i will have a peace of mind..
anyway some cool stuff happened just now but nvm. saw this damn pretty girl.. and she kept looking in my direciton. it must be me la. wah she's really damn pretty. and her skin was immaculate. tanned and toned. and she's got nice hair and her clothes are so nice. they're like those cotton kinda cool clothes that flows like some yoga kit kinda comfortable material and it just accentuates her figure and like totally makes her so pretty lah. too bad she was with her gf. if not i can talk to her. oh gf as in she's straight just no date kinda tihng. but i think she's older than me. but nvm lah if she can accept young and youthful me, i don't mind mature high-libido-ed lady. haahahahaa. but the max i would say is she's 20. so not so old after all lah. IM ALMOST 18 ANYWAY. but i still cant take my driving license. when i turn 18 i will bia my driving license everyday and then pass the test quickly then wah lau eh drive arnd the place. so convenient... and freedom siah. just that we can't drink and drive.

anyway, quite happy to know that someone likes my vday present. at least not in waste la, methinks it looked quite terrible and awful, but ok. in the end its alright. haaahahahaaaa..... anyway, this entry is cool. im cool. and everybody is cool. okie. think i'll end here then. take care everyone, peace out. happy post-valentines day. any girls wants flowers from the one and only, pls leave msg on tag-board, florist's clearance sale today, 3 flowers for $1, make sure u dun say i cheapskate if u wan flowers. ok. byebye. maybe i'll get a bootful of flowers and drive my mum's car to sch hahahahahaa illegally of course. ok la enough cock lah.

good night
byebye

mervyn at 2/14/2004 05:52:00 PM

road run cum valentine's day.

hi, just got home after the miss kwa's farewell concert rehearsal in sch. being councillors, our job was exrcruciatingly simple. we basically had to act as furniture, as we always do, and decorate the place. do u realise how people have to get very elaborate furniture, the more important they are. it's like, the most spartan is those kinda floor stuff.. and the elaborate ones.. then now u have BREATHING, moving, eating, talking furniture! ok but with the zen thing coming up, rich ppl nowadays may be quite zen zen zen. but i thought zen is for the pseudo rich. like those that wanna act rich, but aren't really rich and wanna think they're real cool but ok they might be cool. anyway the concert was kinda boring. if i was miss kwa wont really enjoy it, but i'm not miss kwa (thank god). oh and i know what's the surprise mystery performance. and apparently its sposed to be this damn good ballerina. the best there ever was in NJ. who's a lawyer now. how cool. will be looking forward to see this champion dancer in action.

come to think of it, i've never really accomplished much in my sch life. my sec sch testimonial REALLY sucked, but i never got much out of sec sch anyway, except a couple of good friends.. i should have gone to ACS. i'd be an AC bastard, but at least i'd have accomplished something. i don't think i would have wanted to do well in my studies. ok i'd wanna be intelligent, but i dun wanna go to a sch which mugs and mugs and gives u gd grades. which was what i went to. i wouldn't wanna go chi hi either. for reasons that will not be mentioned. so that really only leaves me with dunman high or ACS. both uniforms look the same. damn. ok but nvm anyway. what's done is done. at least i have more of a life in JC. but its getting quite screwed up now. my life at this point of this is really messy. and i wouldn't wanna be living it. but its ok i guess.

so this morning wa road run. and i was unlucky to have a stomachache in the middle. it was terrible. aiya. so wasted. got 25 in the end. was in the leading pack til i got the stupid stomach ache. then saw everyone pass me by. that feeling kinda sucks. like everyone's passing u by but u can't do anything about it. at least u chase ppl u feel more useful. the fact that u cant even chase. argh feel really wasted now.. but i always feel like that. im an idiot lah. actually its quite encouraging to run your last few hundred and hearing ppl cheer for u.. it kinda makes u not wanna stop. but can lead to death too. cos maybe u really need to stop, but because of tt u dun stop. aiya actually when i was running my last few hundred i should have just stopped for awhile and walked cos there wasnt really anyone behind me. the run was so boring tho. there wasnt any hills or anything. it was all flat grnd and only one hill. i like hills. remember, when you're running, HILLS ARE YOUR FRIENDS!

then after that went for lunch, but i was dying already. and then just sat there til it was time to go back to sch.. sat arnd and talked to alene and xiaomin and ahlam after tt.. thanx to u 3 for helping me with this stupid problem of mine.... it really sucks.. but u all kinda helped me la so thanx for ur time... anyway got a very nice cheesecake today.. i invite everyone to come my house and try.. hahahaa.. ok lah think that's about it lah.. nothing much to sayanymore also just that im freaking tired.. and that i think that i should make some new life resolutions. and maybe try to make some use of the remaining few years of my life. and try to do something useful. but i dunno how to do anything useful.. anyone got any suggestions pls? life seems so pointless and meaningless now. ok other than trying to get a scholarship of course, which would make my grandfather proud.... yadayadayada u know the lines already.. but actually i dun think im up to it. cos these scholarship ppl will look at ur entire life history. then they will come across the dark years of my life, in sec sch. ok im dyslexic. i just typed sec sch as sch sec. and i just did it agian. hahaa. ok so maybe i cant get a scholarship. then i shud just go to nus and be a loyal nationalistic singaporean. ok anyway i think that's enough of my nonsense for now. maybe talk a little more tonight.
in the meantime, hope everyone enjoys their valentines day.. pity im not spending it with that pretty THE ONE girl. didnt even talk to her today! i think i wont ever dare to talk to her. must find some connexxions. ahahahah ok. byebey.

the brightness of her cheek would shame
those stars

mervyn at 2/14/2004 09:06:00 AM

Friday, February 13, 2004

FUCK EVERYONE

today, is friday the 13th. it is a bad day.. anyway, fuck the world. so now the world has become completely concerned with my love life. and i just found out that people have been really unpleasant in their dealings. i didn't know ppl are so utterly concerned for me. thanks a whole lot for everyone's concern.

so todat played a little street soccer. quite sian. im typing this with one hand so its quite disjointed. went out after sch to xiao xiao qi.. cos i was entirely pissed off by the actions of some caring ppl in sch. now i know how david bec kham feelsman... he has to read about his sex scandals in the news??? and he cant even control his own life and needs others to dictate his life for him?

im gonna kill ppl. im damn angry. u know who u are. if i don't get to the bottom of this, it shall be the perpetrator who bears the brunt.

anyway today i bought something from gilbert lee's shop. hi mr lee, can i get a discount? altho the stuff in ur shop is not really my type of stuff, but it doesn't matter! it will raise my quantity demanded and maybe i will find the stuff in your shop attractive!!!!! also, i bought some nice nice stuff. met thiam howe along the way so we went shopping together. he bought something for huilin. so nice to her.
anyway i will end here. i gotta go and do my own stuff. MY OWN PRIVATE LIFE. MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE
so stay out of it.

byebye..

mervyn at 2/13/2004 03:46:00 PM

Thursday, February 12, 2004

clubs.

today, sch was ok, save for mr gilbert lee, saying that i was single and available to the whole lt. it really caught me unaware cos i wasnt really listening but that really jolted me into existence. ok, just to clarify, im not single and available... im single and EXTREMELY available. ha. lets not talk about sch. pe was so boring tho. but sch sucks la. oh and i discovered who my angel was. its quite cool. but i dun really care lah.

after that, went home and went out with bra. quite cool. we went walking arnd and i think we're gonna settle with chinablack actually. we don't wanna have too strict security... cos we are anti-establishment. hahaha ok that's some bullshit. actually you all should ignore the post below. its teenage angst at its max. a year of nonsense being thrown out.. ok. anyway, so we walked arnd til 11 plus. quite cool. ok i really don't know what to say today, cos im extremely pissed off now. and i'm gonna kill someone soon.

this is the last time i trust anybody so easily. next time if i have anything i wont tell anyone. cos frankly, i don't think i can trust anyone. this sucks. life sucks. when we have to be afraid of everything. why can't we trust everyone?? but actually, screw it ok. i like moulin rouge. its a beautiful story. i shall watch it on sunday. bye.

fuck
you all

mervyn at 2/12/2004 04:02:00 PM

Wednesday, February 11, 2004

terribly side-splitting migraine.

i have a migraine. its official. my head is splitting. and its been a nagging headache since i duno when. had to play soccer with this terrible headache.. argh... but it was quite fun playing the centre mid role, get to distribute the balls around and run here and there. but let's not tlak about soccer. im sick of soccer. things get very technical and loses its meaning when you do it competitively.

school today.. was, as every wednesday is, boring, and slack. ok maybe mr whitby's lesson was quite fruitful, but how fruitful can a literature lesson get? he's quite an interesting old man. i wonder how his private life is like. but that's his problem and i shouldnt really be bothering about that. civics kinda sucked cos it was effectively one of the most boring, wasteful use of my time. ok maybe i did abit by sweeping the floor. that's was kinda efficient, but it last 2 minutes. so screw it. school ended. but i was rather cranky the whole day in school. maybe the tiredness is getting to my head. i bloody hate being tired. my handphone doesn't get tired.. i havent turned it off for a month (yea i keep it on when im asleep too) but i only plug it into the charger, but it doesnt get spoiled or anything. why should we get tired then? maybe i can get plugged in too to recharge?

after school, it still kinda sucked. got some photos from the monster to look at, but most of them were kinda hideous and it got boring after awhile looking at the same thing, and the people have no interesting poses. i think photographs should convey some action, not just emotion. i mean, what is it like if you just stand next to each other? does it convey the sense of animosity you feel for your classmates? does it convey the coldness within you? to an extent, but won't it be better if you could just picture everyone reacting with the utmost apathy to an important event, say, I striked lottery and everyone is busy doing their own stuff.. im jumping for joy and they're all sitting arnd looking pissed. perhaps that could convey a greater piece of the emotion rather than standing around looking pretty? like if i wanted to take a neoprint with a girl that likes me, perhaps she could give me a rose? ok that's so passe, boring. perhaps she could.. i don't know. ok perhaps 2 gay guys. ok. they just need to stand there.
ok. after i looked thru the photos, i gave it back to the monster, who gave it back to her friend, the pixie. whilst the monster sat there with the colored, doing her homework. but they are so selfish, and don't allow ppl to go to their party. they are so selfish! i shall stage a rebellion and turn up with 2 hand grenades and 1kg of tnt. oh ya. we did something real stupid. we lit the sparklers at the soccer stall. and it was the whistling ones. haha quite fun actually but really childish. but hey, why should we grow up?! anyway, then so i was trying to negotiate terms with the monster, but she's an idiot and she's gonna ask all her frens to beat me up and place me in a box. and maybe ship me to play survivor. i think i'd make a quite good survivor. i could win all the immunity challenges. i could form sneaky alliances, i wouldn't stoop so low as to backstab, but i'd be aware.

anyway, i didnt know the teachers were so free, and suddenly u have the motley crue of teachers sitting around the canteen table holding a discussion of some crap which was OBVIOUSLY completely unrelated to work. and soon i got called by mr heng! who wanted to catch me for talking to 2 girls! or in his words, xian char bor. but what do u expect a bored guy to do? go to sleep? anyway then soon the whole motley crue was brought in and some teachers were looking at me disapprovingly. oh. poor you. just cos i said i dun have to do my work? oh i like being the superstar ya so i said i dun have to do my work. and soon ms chua was brought in! and u know how much miss chua likes to pick on me. ok screw it i haven't done her math tutorial. not planning to do it actually. arghhhh!!!! actually, i hate math. why can't math be a series of logic puzzles? isnt math supposed to train ur analytical and logic? ok so because of that, i left and went to sleep at the soccer booth. but i couldnt get to sleep cos the gay cheerleaders were being very happy and all and were 1-2 up downing..then went for soccer.
that's a brief outlook on my life.

actually, had quite an interesing talk with ms ho on the way home. actually, she's quite a nice lady.. very different frm wad i first knew her to be.. but sometimes her intentions are rather... irrelvant and makes her misunderstood. but she's quite nice actually. cool. siva was in the cab too.. and so we started talking... and cool, she asked me bout the un-team players in our team. but of cos i wouldnt voice it out right.. who in the right mind will... can't really tell her frankly.. cos i don't know the repercussions, and frankly, dont think i can face up to it.. ya im a coward. so sue me.

i think i'll go take up yoga and latin ballroom soon. actually i kinda like ballroom. pity my mum doesnt go anymore if not i can go too. but i wan a nice partner! a pretty girl. someone passionate! hahaha that would be cool. ok but if u know me, im just talking cock.

oh and do i have to mention the number of idiots who were laughing at my marvellous rendition of the sch anthem. everywhere i looked when i was on the podium, ppl were laughing! am i that jokey?! or is it my face?!? it can't be my voice.. some ppl have sung worse... but ppl just cringed.. i am the next william hung in the making!!! hahahah ok la just some cock..

today on my way to assembly. i walked behind the one. wah lau eh, her legs were like. super nice. but she will always be a distant impossibility. perhaps we could be like romeo and juliet. actually, she kinda looks like someone that i used to know. a girl i used to like.. that is not around anymore... perhaps im attracted to girls with that kinda look? i like the way she walks too! sexy. ok. perhaps im just attracted to girls, full stop. ya i guess the latter is more of a case than the former. but really, she has that aura about her that.. i don't know.. is just nice. nice. nice. im hypnotised, mesmerised, by her! but im just an infatuated little boy. hahahahaahah ok that's enough cock.

think i'll go call brian now. see u soon. ok that sounds kinda gay. i'll call brian regarding our money machine. okie. good night one and all. and i'm not planning to do my homework today. so bless me.

brought to you by
mervyn corporation

mervyn at 2/11/2004 12:50:00 PM

Tuesday, February 10, 2004

late.

hi, havent been updating for 2 days. so what's new in my life?
for one, i feel extremely burnt out. that's why i didnt go to school today. just felt too tired. i mean, you know 're absolutely too tired when u just give up on everything and fall on your bed and just sleep. that would happen when u live on 4 hours of sleep for 10 days. so i woke up at 1pm today. i think the government should close down everything like every 11 days. like close all businesses, govt. organisations and blabla bla. essentially, shut down the entire economy for one day every cycle. so that ppl will rest. cos that's what people in our modern society needs. rest. and what's deterring them from this rest? the need for money and to fulfil their desires. the economy. and they work to drive this econmy and the economy gets their work and drives them to work harder and they work harder thus driving the economy harder and this vicious cycle goes on til people split. and the economy splits. and we'll be back to basics. that's why an increasingly number of people are ending up in mental hospitals. yes, we do have a higher life expectancy as compared to 30 yrs ago, but why have a higher life expectancy when you spend the most part of that living in mental hospitals or nursing homes? i'd rather live 30 years in a cave, making 20 children, and drawing frescoes all over my cave walls for deprived future generations to find and marvel over it.

ok enough of that nonsense. well, this blog is truly nonsense. there's no real meaning to it is there? maybe one day i'll publish this as a study in anthropology. well, there's really a limit to how much people can be used. a manager should know that, a leader should know that, essentially, everyone who is supposed to have EQ should know that. and frankly, i feel used. terribly used. well, the point is that even though you may want to use someone, you should do that efficiently and provide some incentives and essentially, make the person u are using, feel like he's not being used. but fuck it, i feel fucking used. and i don't like to be fucking used. and the fact that i'm used when some other fuckers are just around, doing absolutely nothing, irks me. yes, that's the way life is. i'll accept it, but today is my sick day. and sadly, u ain't gonna use me today. fuck it, do you think i really give a fucking damn about CIP hours? and frankly, i don't think i'll get my due. but the bottomline is that, the principle is not right. and i'm a principled man. ( can hear the yeah rights already.)

i bought my asics kayanos. they're tight. and they're quite hard. needs some wearing in i guess. i'd love to be a cook. but i can't multitask. the synthesis of ingredients into a wonderful dish which plays on the chemistry of one's body. cool. and i have always liked the idea that i got from anthony bourdain, that the executive chef could be screaming vulgarities at his sous chef. how cool. like "WHERE'RE THE FUCKING NUTS!?!?!"
"whose?"
"the customer's of course!!!"
"they're between his legs, sir."
"FUCK YOU! NOT THOSE NUTS! I MEAN THE PECAN NUTS! YOU'RE BLOODY FIRED!!!"
how cool is that? and getting yourself burned like twice a day is quite appealing to a masochist. but i'm not a masochist. ok. so maybe i wont be a cook.

methinks i shouldn't say so much. maybe another day, another time. i have to go fire up the air con in anticipation of my meeting with my bed and the pillow. i think my pillow is the luckiest pillow in the world. it's living out the fantasies of millions of girls. ha.

ok think that'd be about it. im going to sleep now. goodnight.

1
40

mervyn at 2/10/2004 05:02:00 PM

a song which many people have fallen trap to

this song is a beautiful song. should be legendary. it's very nice. i know i shouldn't be posting stupid song lyrics up, but this song is just too nice. music nowadays, like 50 cent and sean paul, should look to this and realise the number of cds they're wasting by burning it with their noise. and this song was recorded without 24k digital encoding or copy-protection. i think i wanna play this song at my wedding, funeral and everything. ha cool. update later. going running now.


I fell in love with you watching Casablanca
Back row at the drive in show in the flickering light
Popcorn and cokes beneath the stars
Became champagne and caviar
Making love on a long hot summer night

I thought you fell in love with me watching Casablanca
Holding hands neath the paddle fans
In Rick's candle lit cafe
Hiding the shadows from the spots
A rocky moonlight in your arms
Making magic in the movie in my old Chevrolet

Oh a kiss is still a kiss in Casablanca
But a kiss is not a kiss without your sigh
Please come back to me in Casablanca
I love you more and more each day as time goes by

I guess there're many broken hearts in Casablanca
You know I've never been there so I don't know
I guess our love story will never be seen
On the big wide silver screen
But it hurts just as bad when I had to watch it go

mervyn at 2/10/2004 01:58:00 PM

cupid

mervyn at 2/10/2004 10:15:00 AM

Saturday, February 07, 2004

FUCK LIVERPOOL

fuck liverpool. when i start off my entry like that, you should know what's wrong with it. liverpool is really a fucked up team with no fighting spirit lah. just cos u're into the last minute of the match doesnt mean u screw up all ur passes and dun run for the fucking ball right u fucking dicks. no wonder u fucking liverpool dicks are still stuck in the mud.

ok. so today, was an extremely tiring day for me. i slept at 3, sposed to wake up at 6.45, but woke up at 7.30 instead, got to school to see whether love matters. it's a real sad thing when the government even has to control your views on love and sex. and they say it's a sad thing to have your own view but u're forced into conforming to another view due to peer pressure. so does that mean that it's good and happy and gay to have your own view but u're forced into conforming to another "socially acceptable" view due to peer pressure? uh. doesn't work that way, im afraid. anyway, so then we sat thru this preachy lecture about love, where they equated love to sex. so in the end it was sex matters and how we should not have sex and bla bla bla. ok but i was quite traumatised and disturbed by the abortion video they showed us. it sucks. so i have decided. i shall always keep a condom handy. just in case of emergencies. i'd rather keep condoms in every corner of my house and in every compartment of my bag than be forced to like go thru an abortion. but on second thoughts, i dun go thru abortions! eh but its damn cruel lah. it's fucking sick. i don't regret not being a gynaecologists. those gynaecologists must be so fucking jaded that they don't even feel a thing. oh fuck them. that's why they're so filthy rich. and they're children are so fucked up. ok, but life's fair. i don't wanna be a rich kid cos my parents are gynaes and end up as a fucked up guy. but fuck lah. it's damn gross lah. especially when they hold the botched aborted baby(foetus?) in the hand, and it started waving(moving?) and fuck lah its akin to murder. ok i understand why some ppl might wanna murder some other pple, maybe cos of money, cos they did something stupid, or cos the wife refused to change sex positions. but when u abort, you're killing the baby, FOR WHAT? for your own selfish convenience, and your blaming someone else for your mistakes. and it's not the baby's fault u know. it's your fault that your sperm has to be such a good swimmer. it's your fault that the egg had to have such attractiveness, for mervyn's sake, its your bloody fault that u had to have sex without a condom or birth control at least!!!!!! come on la. just use a plastic bag if u're that desperate lah. the baby is like so innocent lah. and it's like so pure lah. and u just kill it without even giving it a chance to breathe it's first breath of oxygen, without even letting it into the world?!!??! u bloody idiots!!!! if you all need financial assistance, just come to me lah, i don't mind sponsoring you for some condoms! argh im still very shocked by the images. (mental stress number 1)

then we adjourned for the discussion group thing, where once again, we discussed sex. and our view on it. and from sex, it turned to homosexuality. like for my sake lah, how many ppl in the room are actually homosexual lah? why do you all care so much about homosexuality? its not like me and my friends sit around in the canteen the whole day and talk about indians and their rights and what their entitled to right? which is not very much in the first place. but that's besides the point. here's an interesting excerpt, which i thought was interesting on my part. the person conducting the discussion was tan wan yu la, the vice principal, but anyway.

tan : talking abt some stuff abt gays being minority and like how we should accept them but not endorse them and how accepting them would lead to repercussions on our society, like schizophrenia. they're the minority but we accept them but we try to rehabilitate them cos bla bla bla wadeva.

me : well, if we're gonna be drawing parallels like that, why don't we draw a parallel between gays and indians? i mean, both are minority groups arent they? so why can't we accept gays if we can accept indians? i mean, its not like we stop them from celebrating depavali and stop them from burning oil lamps cos its polluting the environment and all do we?

tan : bla bla bla bla bla.... but the things they do is not very natural, unhygenic, health risks blabblablabla...

me : well, piercing yourself and carrying a kavadi is not the most natural thing to do either.

ok. i have concluded im a bloody racist. so sue me. and basically the whole morning was spent debating about this. which was a complete waste of time. cos i'm not gay, i don't really care about gay rights, its not my problem whether they're gay or not, and, i needed the sleep.

ok. then after that we proceeded to the econ nursing home for cip. it looks spartan, like a village kampong lost in time, in the midst of the bustling bukit timah district. and frankly, all the people there are like they're lost in time also. they frankly have no sense of time and kept asking me whether its saturday today. its like a prison, i might say. and basically, the place.. it has a very sad air to it. its not cheerful and all. its like you could go there with all your energy but it just gets sucked out of u. cos everyone there is so static. not by choice. they're forced to sit at the chair, IN ONE PARTICULAR SPOT, doing nothing, from 9 to 3 or 4 or later. i dunno. fuck la, its so boring. SO WHAT if they're old? they need some intellectual stimulation and physical stimulation also right? they're not there to await death u know.. they're there to enjoy what's left of their lives. frankly, i find it quite sad like how the people there know that they're just gonna die there. or something like that. the first man i spoke to told me he's 86 (very old. but he looks quite young) and he said he's just hoping to live 4 more years. ok if i was 86 i woul hope to do that too, but its like they are setting a date that they find it ok to die. i don't know, but it just doesnt work that way with me. ok i know i try to live everyday as if i'm gonna die tmr, but still, its not like i expect to die tmr right. and fuck it lah, those are the healthy ones that they make to sit in the chair. the ones who are weaker, are confined to bed. and they really look .. frail. argh. feel quite sad as i type this. cos i remember the images of the old ladies slumped in bed. and her mouth was sunken in cos i presumed she had no teeth. and she was so frail i don't know how i should have handled her. but she was asleep anyway. it was quite fun talking to them, especially the two old ladies, in dialect, cos i like to speak teochew, and also, they seemed to be so overjoyed that we came to talk to them. i would be too if i were confined to my bed the whole day and left alone. i mean, the brain and the body is an active organ. and it grows with you. if you leave it alone, what do you expect it to do? it adapts to conditions and as it finds that you use it less and less, it shuts down and degenerates progressively. i don't think they should be left like that. fuck those people who put their paRENTs in there. they are the scum of society. why the fuck didn't u all study abit more, earn a little more money, and at least u can employ a maid to look after your parents at home rather than let them stay in the nursing home? why are u all so fucking useless? your parents brought u up and u chose to do this kinda fucked up things?!? u bloody bastards!!!!!! ok anyway, iits comforting and nice to know that when times look so bleak, you can still be a beacon in somebody's life and be the one to brighten up their whole day. you could see how happy they were, yet sad, when u talk to them. its like u can talk to them and they will be happy but yet they have tears in their eyes. i presume its cos they look at us and think of their own children? ok but i shalt not comment. maybe i should have something more interesting the next time i go there. instead of just walking arnd and trying to talk. (mental stress number 2)

and i've not gotten much rest these few days. been sleeping real late, waking up at 6.45, and tmr i gotta be in sch again. and i have to wake up at 7.45 probably. and it's already 1.45 now? and i have 2 history assignments to do. not tutorials, but ASSIGNMENTS!! fuck. (mental stress number 3)

after the nursing home, went back to sch to help out in the soccer cip thing. and i see some fuckers, are really fuckers and im not hestitating to name names. fucking waston think he's fucking great la. can be a prima donna and a bloody star lah, don't need to do any work, just sit around and act cool lah. frankly, he's the classic epitome of a bastard. i would love to see him begging along the streets one day or out of job coming to my company to apply for a job. and frankly, i won't turn him down. i'll give him a job, tie him to a contract, and see what he can do. ha. ok fuck im just dreaming. but frankly, these people form the scum of society lah. but oh well, every society needs some scums around or else who will sweep the floors? who will collect the garbage? obviously these scums lah. i predict if NJ doesnt win any medals, or gets kicked out, there's only one person to blame la. him. ok i shouldn't devote so much of my expensive blog space to him. (mental stress number 4)

ok. i shouldnt really say much abt this but i guess since im too tired to really think now and its late and its damn long in the blog entry, not many people will read this. well anyway, yesterday, was talking on the phone with The Monster.

TM U KNOW WHO U ARE AND U SHOULD NOT BE READING THIS THANKS

TM asked me to go to some party. but i dunno, cos like, i donno anyone there la, and their gonna beat me up and put me in a box or something to that effect lah. because im that damn good lah. and like i dunno why i should go lah. but on the other hand, it sounds fun la. and there's food la. and hopefully there's alcohol la. and according to TM there's nice legs lah. so the dillema is as such. and i'm still in dillema. (mental stress 5)

OK TM U MAY RESUME

ok this is getting long. i think i'll end it here. as u can see, im bloody stressed la. but the book i bought is nice to read, so maybe that'll take a little off my mind. buenas noches.

mental stress 6
should i be dateless on valentine's?

mervyn at 2/07/2004 04:59:00 PM

my palm reading results

though i do not reveal much of my personality, i do think this results from this test is quite accurate and tells alot about me. oh wells, anyway, i have some stuff i'd like to say, but i'll update later. wanna go watch some soccer now. good luck to me.

You are intelligent and practical, very likely to have a good memory and the ability to make and follow plans. Leadership skills are among your useful traits.

There is a tremendous amount of intensity in your mental processes. Your ability to concentrate is excellent. At times you have the ability to focus your mind so strongly that the rest of the world is shut out.

At times, you may tend to be overly sensitive to criticism. You can be excessively cautious or narrow in your outlook unless you receive the right kind of encouragement.

You have so many interests that you may have trouble deciding which ones to pursue. This can make you seem very contradictory, since you are so passionate and sincere about each new idea you embrace.

Sometimes you feel jealous, and must avoid becoming overly possessive in your relationships.

There may be times in your life when you give in to feelings of sadness or depression.

You are likely to make decisions based on intuition or feelings rather than intellect.

There are inconsistencies in your energy level, possibly triggered by external factors or emotional changes.

Although you have ambition, you do not always exert the energy necessary to be successful.

Your high energy level draws people to you.

You have a basically strong constitution, and should enjoy good health most of the time.

You were probably given a good start in life by your parents. This could be based on your general upbringing, or on physical characteristics you inherited.

A major illness or setback is predicted near mid-life. However, you can expect a speedy recovery.

There is a strong intuitive side to your nature, which may border on psychic or mystical ability.

mervyn at 2/07/2004 03:12:00 PM

Friday, February 06, 2004

metaphysical

hi. today, passed by, uneventfully.

slept at home. after school of course. missed econs s cos i was damn sleepy. school, was extremely, tiring, and boring. and my life feels empty. like totally.

well, i don't think i have much to say for today. my sad act kinda worked and deterred miss chua who would otherwise have had a field day picking on me. let's try keeping this act up and perhaps to a jon like in survivor.

how cool. oh, and the reason i'm so tired is because of this certain person, who has a knack for irritating me. perhaps its just me that invites ppl to irritate me huh. im tired. and im lost. and disillusioned. fuck it!

good night all.

nothing

mervyn at 2/06/2004 04:12:00 PM

Thursday, February 05, 2004

nice song

nice song i heard, un amore per sempre by josh groban.
very meaningful and beautiful lyrics methinks.
of cos, this is the english translation.
great song


Oh, no! here is that moment
I feared for a long time, you know
I already know
What it is you are going to tell me,
That it’s the end of us.

I know that with him
You feel freer
To accept his love;
To count on him more

What a shock to me,
I who gave you everything inside of me
As you go you are taking my heart with you

One love forever
Lasts only an instant (a moment)
There are so many memories
That vanish with you
Only that dream remains,
The story of lovers,
But in the end you will leave me.

This city that I think of myself as being
Is deserted of tears
I feel my heart drowning inside of me
While you are with him.

They say that you don’t die from love;
You don’t lose anything;
But now I feel that fire dying within me

I also know I should be happy for you
But I lie, because
I wish you to stay here with me

A love forever
Lasts only an instant (moment)
There are so many memories
That will vanish with you
Only that dream remains
That story of lovers
But, in the end
You will leave
You will leave, leave in pain

A love forever
Lasts only a moment
There are so many memories
That will vanish with you
Only that moment remains
If only for an instant
But in the end
You will leave
(and be) far from me.

mervyn at 2/05/2004 03:43:00 PM

im a bastard

hey, evening to my dearest blogger.

well, so today, was an uneventful day. yea right. who am i cheating. ok. school was fine, thursday is super slack anyway. cos its like 3 periods of econs, and econs is like super slack la just sit there and do nothing. oh, and i got 20/25 for econs. so i got a free period during econs next week. cool! yay!!! after that, the whole day just passed me in a flash, with me getting progressively more tired. my rate of tiring just increased at a fast pace la. PE was like how boring la. the pace which they ran at was like, so tiring. cos it was so slow, and its like... taiji. so slow. but tiring, cos its so slow. and now my left hand hurts and i duno why. its like an internal thing. argh. must have been all my dancing during the saturday night fever (you know the one that goes "night fever night fever" and u dance with ur finger pointed? i hope so)

after pe, slacked arnd the sch. and im going to enter some biathlon thing, just that a more slack version (ripped off liang's blog) its just some canoeing and running. that's all. haha... but nvm anyway just take part for the experience. shud be quite fun. then went out for awhile and went to my grandma's house. cos today is the 15th of chinese new yr. chinese valentine's day (according to some smart alec who sms-ed me just now to say it is! =P) anywya the moon is all round and all that. yea, no wonder they sing the yue liang dai biao wo de xin.. its for this day is it? i wonder, does english valentine's day have so much meaning?! nah! it just sux.

oh when i was walking out, i suddenly heard someone calling my name. and i was like looking arnd, but there was nobody i knew. then there were this grp of tennis girls standing on the top of the grandstand calling me la, to pick up this tennis ball, which i couldnt see. then i thought they were playing a trick on me. ok but i eventually found the ball. which makes me wonder why they dun pick it up themselves, since it was soaking wet. which means it must have been there for a long time. and how do they know my name anyway? but one of them is quite cute so ok la i'll pick it up. hahaahhaa. ok but even if they're not cute i would pick it up lah. i'm not so mean. but the rain was terrible. it was so heavy. argh. rain spoils everything. rain causes fights

u wanna know how rain causes fights? rain chooses to fall in some places and thus some places have more water, and ppl fight over it. or the lack thereof. but who cares la they can fight all they want, i'll just get the hyflux machine.

ok, i just wanted to diss religion but decided i should not go there. anyway marx - religion = opium for the masses. but ok that's where i stop.

so let's talk about life now, in general. well, my life has sorta been screwed up and turned upside down and shaken because of a certain event. i mean like, one simple event can have lotsa implications la and some ppl are really fucking idiots lah. who really screw things up just because of one simple thing lah. FUCKING IDIOTS. ok sorry im sore. but really la, some ppl shud just think abt stuff before they speak la. cos seriously, they are damn stupid la, never think thru it first. like fuck them anyway. and seriously, some things are really beyond my control. ok maybe i could have controlled it, but i just dun have the energy to lah so what the fuck do y`all want from me! i have already admitted im just a dumb bloody bastard la ok!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! arghhhhhhhh

ok that was one short outburst and it shall stop there. ok off i go to brush the teeth. see u.

some ppl were born stupid
forgive and forget.

mervyn at 2/05/2004 03:03:00 PM