Sunday, November 27, 2005


this is my personal profile generated from colorgenics.
i must say it is really accurate!!
take it at

Much of the time you are preoccupied with things of an intensely exciting nature. You need stimulation and variation with all matters pertaining to your life. You want to be regarded as an exciting and interesting personality being able to charm and influence others. You use powerful strategies with predictable outcomes so as to avoid endangering your chances of success or undermining other people's confidence in you.

Most people are conditioned by their environment and you are no exception. You are an extremely emotional person - so much so that 'the wrong word' can lead you to tears. You feel other people's pain. You feel the need of sympathetic relationships and a pleasant work environment in order to develop and grow. You are an impulsive, loving individual with a great deal of inherent feeling.

The way things are, you feel that you are stuck in a rut and there is not much you can do about it. You feel frustrated and inhibited but if you can find a way to let yourself go, you may find that things aren't quite so bad as perhaps you thought they were. One consolation is that since you are an extremely emotional individual, with the right person you may be able to release some of that frustration and tension with some mutual tender loving care.

You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone.

You don't like authority and you rebel against all forms of limitation. You are your own person and you intend to stay that way and to get on in the world simply by your hard work and determination.

mervyn at 11/27/2005 09:30:00 AM


hi. this week has been a happening week back in OCS! the sheer amount of activity going on was fabulous, enough to keep a uber-active guy like me occupied, which is good.

there were things such as the air force visit, the navy visit, and numerous tallks, during which i read esquire, read forbes, businessweek, and scribbled on my notepad. which is always a good thing.
there were the morning runs, which i like, except that its in the morning, which i don't like. there were the physical activities, such as the 6km run and beep test, which i like, except that we had to run in cadence (to show our team spirit and unity) which i don't like.
so as u can see, it was a week fraught with ambiguity, filled with things which i both liked and didnt like. oh and i must say the navy visit was a total waste of time cos we really didnt see much nor learn much and i felt a little seasick standing on the deck, but after that it's ok. i'm lucky i never joined the navy cos the naval life is just not for someone like me. i get a little claustrophobic from all the enclosed spaces and little stairways and gangways and all that. and then u're confined to that little ship for many weeks whilst sailing. whoa. total nono.

i think i'd like to be a pilot. fiddling with switches and flying a plane, feeling in total control whilst racing against the elements. just like how i like to drive. i think i'm a rather aggresive driver. i like speed. i like to switch lanes dangerously. i like swanky g-force type manoevures. and i don't like the ant crawling around my screen now. lucky for it it read what i was typing and promptly raced off my screen.

the last week has also been a put-on-weight week, as i had canteen breaks (first time visiting the canteen in ocs) and we ate jidanmian, which is rather good. but really really sinful. the amount of oil is like.. mmm.. quite alot. like if all the cadets ate a plate of jidannmian a day, i'm sure singapore's oil consumption would triple or something like that. ok i'm just exaggerating but the main point is its really oily.

but i feel rather sad living in foxtrot wing, cos i don't know the people there. but the past week has been spent like raping the log cadets, which involves pouncing on ppl and drawing on them. its quite a crazy affair.

the past week (as have many other weeks gone by) has also been spent agonising abt comms ball and comms ball dates.
soon i shall take out a newspaper ad. its not so much that i have nobody in mind or that i have nobody to ask. i think it's more of like. don't really wanna ask cos i think its quite an embarassing event. something which maybe u'll only go with like ur sister or something like that. i mean it's really quite weird asking a girl to go for this event where every guy knows each other but she doesnt know anyone. and expcecting her to dress up for it. not a very fun prospect if i were a girl. but as u know, because mervyn is always so interesting, nobody can expect to have no fun going out with me. except like if i were in a bad mood or something then i think its best to steer clear. but other than that, all are rather welcome.

i think i actually do have someone in mind, but i think that might take time, so we shall wait and see. i think it's rather pertinent that i take someone nice and pleasant to talk to so that i can spend my night talking to the person rather than walking around the REALLY SMALL place and like do nothing. i'm a man of interesting conversations, so i like people who can have interesting conversations with me! but then again, i can have interesting conversations with other people's dates, but i mean, knowing the log cadets, those who are single... won't bring very interesting dates.. "ooooh lets talk abt math" or some crap like that. but then again, u'll never know the surprises some ppl can pull on u.

speaking of surprises, i was REALLY surprised when i saw jaime with her bf ytd. that was a real surprise =O hahaha. ppl in the know should know what i'm speaking of. its rather mean to say things like that explicitly.

anw i think the past week has left me feeling rather good abt things so far, and its nice to go to sleep happy at times, though it doesnt cahnge the fact that i'm not a morning person and that i probably bite when i wake up, but it's still good to sleep well.

anyway recently, i wrote this thing on what girls like. but i shall not publicise it here haaaahahaah.. but if there are any additions, pls tag me!

ok, off to watch the love in harvard show. its really sweet =) need a girl like that to like give me sweet dreams everyday and night man. korean dramas are always like that. hahahaaaaahahaha

mervyn at 11/27/2005 06:22:00 AM

Saturday, November 19, 2005

what more is needed?

this week, i went back to ocs. on friday. totally happy.. haha.. finally leaving SOL. but feel rather sad for weiquan and joshua, who r going back to be instructors. they will sure get bullied there, knowing their nature.. sigh.. should send revolutionary people like me there to overthrow the place. haha.. ok not really.. thats not the way things work in the army.

anyway, that's about it. dun really wanna talk about army life too much cos its pretty boring and i dun like talkin abt it. anyway, today was a rather nice day, though i woke up late. went out with my mates frm sol, and played abit of arcade, walked arnd, and lazed around. pretty much slacked. and then walked arnd and waited for my dear friend XM, WHO'S ALWAYS LATE. ppl who wanna go out wif her shud really like beware of her ultimate lateness. u know, some ppl who are late, when u describe them as perpetually late, they arrive like maybe 20-30 minutes later kinda thing, BUT NOT XM! she's the kind who arrives like 1 and a half hours later or something like that. superb! so in my time waiting, i bought books and mags, walked arnd orchard, saw lotsa pretty ladies.. and that was it. but i was quite tired from walking around.

anyway, after meeting the really late girl, we went searching for a movie, but everything was like sold out, so like we totally watched SKY HIGH. which was a real waste of my time, cos it was a really cheesy and dumb show. but oh well, every show watched with her is a waste of time, cos they're all kiddy shows! am i like her son or something? she's always bringing me to watch kidding shows. oh, anyway yah, she's a MOM. ahha but only she knows what it means methinks.

anyway we had dinner at sakae, and it was alright. not very filling but ok. sufficient for me. anyways at wheelock, saw jacelyn eating with her friends, and once again, j thought that xm was my gf. SINCE WHEN did my taste become so bad? haahahaaaahahaaah.. but seriously everyone thinks xm is my gf, which is so not true cos i have absolutely better taste than that, and EVERYONE will attest to that! totally rocking my socks!

ok actually there's nothing much. after the show, i went into berserk mode and took many photos. and some stupid videos which are quite nice.

sometimes simple things can make your day, and today my day wasnt really made, but it was like a almost made day. haha.. maybe xm will know why, but its ok, there's no need to enlighten the world about it. haaha..

onward we shall go! 21 days left to commission. its totally so near. i love this.

mervyn at 11/19/2005 05:54:00 PM

Sunday, November 06, 2005


as of today, or rather yesterday, (5 nov), i have 1 year to ORD. 1
year is a short time. especially when you can do wonders. like put ur
leg behind ur head or something like that.

anyways. today was quite a hectic day. got woken up at liike 9-10 by
ian, who wanted to take bunk keys frm me, cos he didnt have them and
was doing guard duty. oh man, one should know never ever to wake me up
from my precious sleep. i think my sleep is one of the top, if not the
top, priority in my life man. without sleep i'll get really grumpy and
all. totally not a morning person. hahaa.

then went to make no. 1, and all that nonsense. dinner was a rather
enjoyable affair, as it went with SR and HJ at fish n co, and greg and
WX joined us. so it turned into a somewhat mass orgy. ha. 2s alright,
3s a crowd, 4s a mahjong game, and 5s a mass orgy. ok, anyway, after
tt, walked arnd the place and all that.

joined the lads for some tom yum goong after that. the movie has no
plot, no storyline, no nothing. it's just hardcore action all the way.
tony jaa fighting for like 2 hours. but his fighting is really bao li.
like intense. totally went around bashing people and cracking their
bones and all that. but the sound effects were kinda fake though. i
mean, a simple punch is like amplified into a BISH! i think it'd be
nice if it were a comic book and the pages would just be overflowing
with those comic book sound effects. after that, bra and cedric
promptly transformed into tony jaa. haa.

anyway so it ended close to 2am, and we went searching for something
to do, but alas, we were left with nothing to do. and i had to walk
like from meridien all the way to the carpark beside wheelock place
(which took 20 mins) that was kinda far. but it was nice walking alone
in the mid of the night, with practically little else to interrupt u.
and u see everything that goes on behind the scenes to make orchard
road what it is in the day.

i saw the road sweeper sweeping the rubbish, i saw the workers putting
up the christmas lighting, i saw the policemen outside orchard towers,
and i saw the waiters and waitresses who staff NYDC and all those late
night cafes. i mean, sometimes, its amazing how much goes on behind
the scenes to keep the front working.

argh im so irritated, i typed a real long post and now it just
disappeared like that.
but its ok, i'm retyping it cos of my never-say-die attitude, and
MENTAL TENACITY. to lead, to excel, to overcome!

anyway, i was walking, and i saw the subaru TS challenge, the one
where many people put their hands on the car waiting to emerge as the
last man standing so that he can go home with the car. and that got me
thinking. how many of them are willing to wait there, waiting for time
to pass, just to win the car. even when they know that out of 200 ppl,
there can only be 1 winner. and all 200 ppl are still standing there,
waiting, and waiting. in some ways, these people are just waiting for
time to pass, whileing away the time, hoping to emerge victorious. the
one with the least opportunity cost wins. the first one who realises
"hey, i've got much better things to be doing with my time" loses..

this pretty much mirrors life. many a times, we spend our lives
waiting, waiting, and waiting, for something to happen. for our dreams
to come true. and many a times, our dreams never materialise. or maybe
they do, when it often is too late. and many a times, we realise, why
didnt we do anything concrete to make it happen? and by that time,
regret is too late. and then i thought about myself, about pretty much
the only thing i can think abt nowadays. and then, i realised, yes, i
think its time for me to do something, to make things happen. to stop
waiting and leaving it to fate. because fate often deals me a cruel
hand. i, on the other hand, often make things work. a miracle maker.
let's see what miracles i have accomplished so far.
ok, better not, its too flashy. but being a born-procrastinator, it is
rather hard. and being a strrategist, it is often good to strike at
the appropriate time. but when is the appropriate time? it's ok, i
will keep myself ever ready to strike. haha.

hopefully everything turns out fine and dandy in the end, and i will
end up a happy 2LT.

and then i passed by centrepoint, and centrepoint is currently
undergoing renovation to expand its areas. and the company which was
doing the renovations covered their area with those zinc sheets common
to all construction sites. but what was interesting about this was
that the company had a poster pasted on the zinc sheets, saying
"please bear with the music whilst we upgrade to give you a better
shopping experience." and the picture was of construction workers in
an orchestral setting. and this was interesting. i mean, even
construction, one of the relatively uncouth industries, was upgrading,
and going into the service sector. also, you see that they bother
aboutthe shopping experience, and this is something to learn abt
businesses nowadays. that is, one cannot work alone, but often has to
work in tandem, considering the business objectives of the other. only
then, can a successful partnership be forged. also, u see that the
construction business has diversifed beyond mere construction, but
also the satisfaction of customers and the general public as a whole.

anyway, bought the zchen happiness album and the shin album. really
quite nice. should give a listen.

haha. anwyay when will the day come? ok, comissioning is like in 34
more days. but thats rea;lly not what im referring to. what i'm
referring to is somethng more impactful, with a long term effect. ha.
hopefully sometime soon. :D
uphill task, but miracle man merv is always there to flatten all
hills. afterall, I CONQUERED BIANG! ok out of pt. haha gd luck to
those going to brunei.

ok, that's all for now. take care y`all.

mervyn at 11/06/2005 06:00:00 AM

Friday, November 04, 2005

lead us

once again, here i am on a friday night, updating this. this week has got too many parties that people just don't wanna party on a friday night! but i'm alright with that, after all, parties are nothing without the right people!

anyway today was the most time-wasting day in the history of my SOL life, as I booked into camp, and promptly spent the next 12 hours sitting on a chair, watching powerpoint slide after powerpoint slide, thinking to myself what the hell am i doing here? i mean, sitting through THIRTY BORING BOOK REVIEWS is kinda not a joke thing. and i must say that everyone's book review was really boring. they're not harry potter-esque read me kinda books, they're the just-touch-my-cover-and-i'll-send-some-artillery-fire-over kinda angsty war books. and it was seriously boring. halfway thru, we had the ACGS logs come over to talk to us, but as usual, they tell us the things we already know, but they just repackage it and sell it to us. we just grab it up wholesale. yadayada. all those science people, no appreciation for literature. cannot appreciate words and how to make critical value of it all.

anyway, so how did i pass the time? basically, i sat there, and thought, and thought, and thought, and thought, and thought. and i was single-mindedly focused on what i was thinking! ok that's not exactly true, my mind drifted, from decor, to jewellery, to one girl, then to another, and then it got stuck thinking of one person. and then i just sat there, stared into space, and just thought, and thought, and thought, about her.

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I wont let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

see this song by jesse mccartney is so apt. only that i'm letting many minutes go to waste. patience is the key. some day maybe i will launch my strike. swift and decisive. but i'm always READY TO STRIKE. only waiting for the right time.

but who knows, maybe in her mind, she's singing this :

If you're ready for me boy
You'd better push the button and let me know
Before I get the wrong idea and go
You're gonna miss the freak that I control

and that was push the button by sugababes. hahaa.. but that's highly impossible. leave myself to my own devices and fantasies.

i'm full of nonsense.

yea but i'm a daydream believer, cos my reality only lies in dreams.

mervyn at 11/04/2005 06:23:00 PM

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

if you were mine

anyway, halloween wasn't much of anything. it was such a boring excuse for people to reveal their inner idiots and play dress up. come on, surely you can do better than tearing up your uniforms and come dressed as a schoolboy/schoolgirl. and what's with the emphasis on goth? surely you can do much better than splashing a few blood stains blabla. i could give u real blood stains if u so wished. oh well, but anyway, everywhere was crowded. so boring..

so today, i woke up really late. its a sleep in day! yea, after tt went for a run and lunch and then some. then i came back and like really did nothing. life's so boring nowadays. crap. somehow i feel that life is slowly becoming emptier and emptier and there's really not much point to it. i can be like the life of the party, but parties end, and after that, there's really not much to life. i'm basically just whiling my time away. how sad can that be?

see. in JC, all i thought abt was getting As. and playing soccer. and nothing much else. wrecking havoc in school. Now, there's not much which i think about after i leave camp. in camp, i'm always scheming. scheming. scheming. but i'm not a scheming person. all i wana do is to lead the simple life, and have none bother me. maybe travel the world. but what's a world without another to share the sights with.

anyway recently i've been catching up with people. and i think that's an important component in life. because these people have all played a part in my life, and me, in theirs, i hope.

but beyond the racuous self, how far do ppl see me? that i don't know.

and so recently i've been thinking, who actually knows me well? and i think not many people. not many people actually know me beyond the crazy, noisy self. oh well. apart from that, what else. haha..........

and recently i've been watching movies. and i watched moulin rouge for what seems liek the fifth time. ha. it is a simple show, but i like it. cos it's a love show with a sad ending. but yet it's happy. bittersweet. and that's just how i like it. just like my sad love life. not happy, but sad. haahaaa.. actually it was kinda nice but i'm a jerk, so i spoilt it. but i realised i never once thanked her for anything. but its probably too late to thank her for anything now, and not like she cares. that's the gadgetry of things nowadays, where ending a relationship is so easy. within a matter of days, u can become strangers! why? because of the way relationships nowadays are sustained by technology. and technology makes it so easy to connect people, but with the same ease, you can cut people off. but that's what makes personal moments all the better.

but enough of that, its been a long time since, and it will be a long time to go. sometimes, you just need a miracle to happen. and i'm always waiting for that miracle to happen. always believed in fate, destiny, but nono fate deals a cruel hand. it seems like we could get something going, but it is difficult. THAT difficult.

i talk in cryptic language. i don't understand myself sometimes. but that's what i'm saying.
its kinda messed up.

the interesting thing about blogs is that they are an artform in itself. it isn't very much like prose. not really poetry. somewhat like a play. intense. emotions. examining the world. brilliantly put together. I like blogs. especially my own. i especially like writing blogs.
it's like freedom withiin the borders of this window which i express myself in. which is inside a window which keeps the window, which is inside the window of the screen, which is confined within the structure of the laptop. and this BIG structure is tied down by a power cable and the internet cable, which in turn, connects it into the big internet, which gives it a sense of ffreedom through it's vastness. yet, the internet is but another confine within which we are set free. we can never be free in this world of ours.

torn down by shackles. we'll always be.

but i don't want to be restrained by anything.

all i want is to be free. to be free with another free spirit.

which is highly impossible.

once again, its back to being the normal man. unable to rise up any higher.

mervyn at 11/01/2005 04:17:00 PM

once, again, here i am, doing nothing, writing this nonsense.
recently, i've been feeling terrible. apart from the occassional high from the thought of commissioning, nothing much else has kept my spirits high.

its 5 weeks to my commissioning, or maybe 38 days. but i look back and think how much have i actually achieved. i tell myself not much. most of what i've achieved, or even learned in the past months were from OCS. what i learnt in SOL was about selfishness, about appearances, about backstabbing, and all that nonsense. nothing genuinely good. total crap. that's why OCS is still the premier institute for trianing officers. what's more, the School of Logistics has much worse logistical support than OCS. the absolute irony of it all, don't you think?

and it's like in OCS, my friends now, when they look back, they think about ex. dumpin, ex wolf, bashing thru the mandai forest, charging in the brunei jungle on a company size attack, taiwan, (they were raving crazy about taiwan), CSB march, and numerous stuff. ME? when i think back, i think of how i slept in bunk in the afternoons, about how we had RO at 6, about the good food, about sleeping in the tonners, which had so much space you could recline in it ( it's liek 3 ppl in a tonner, compared to 30 in a tonner in OCS). that's how crap this whole thing is. and frankly, all our dumb stupid eagle exercises could be done in a classroom. idiots trying to replicate outfield conditions by making us do the exact same stuff outfield. ha what nonsense. i really think the commanders in SOL are kinda dimwits. especially sima. the biggest of all. the greatest actor/pretender.

In OCS, my frens now are feeling that much pride, and they're like saying that much closer to commissioning. whereas in SOL, we're discussing about who to OOC. Trying to find a SOH out of a bunch of people with no potential for SOH. even francis, the one they say should get SOH, is no SOH material. I've seen SOHs and i know too well. francis certainly isn't one. he's just good at sucking up, and playing the games. he speaks the language which them idiots speak. that's how he manages to do so well. Even joshua. joshua is good, but all he knows are his books. arghhhhh.h....h.h.h.h.h.. but why do we need a SOH? BECAUSE we are 01/05 LOCC, and so it wont be nice if we don't have one. appearances, pride, once again.

what's the point of a cadet course with only 30 ppl in it, spending so many weeks learning logistics stuff, only to post them to units intructing NSmen, who probably allready know everything. posting them to technical units, to have them play second fiddle to the much more experienced warrant officers, and getting the infantry ppl to convert to logistics ppl to go to combat units. how stupid is that. EXTREMELY.

i so totally wish i weren't here now. screwed up.
and it's not a case of the grass is greener on the other side. screwball.


total nonsense.

mervyn at 11/01/2005 03:59:00 PM