Saturday, December 31, 2005

the story with no end.

ok. yesterday was quite a weird quirky day.
it started off with bra ants and me wanting to go clubbing.
but for some werd reason we didnt wanna go to chinablack. as in we were already at chinablack but we didnt go in i dunno why.
ok. so we headed to MOS. and the Q was so long we didnt wanna go in and even if we did we'd probably not be able to.
so we walked around like gays. up and down up down up down up down clarke quay..
so since they were so bored, it was probably time for the phonecalling game.
so they called! and they called jacelyn! walauu i mean calling someone like erm... XXXX is much better.. cos at least like someone else is much more erm.. entertaining and accomodating right.. ok but whatever. think she was RATHER pissed off. but oh wells. sorry then.
so we gays continued our romantic stroll. til we ended up doing stupid stuff lah. so we decided to like go eat?
oh but this hongkong place we went to eat was quite nice. not too bad.
after that we drove around before deciding to go bra's house. no. we went to zouk first. and stood outside zouk like idiots!
oh man.
whhat the hell is wrong with us. ok but then we went to bra's house. and he let us drink nail varnish. smirnoff apple twist. yux. damn disgusting.
never drink that man. actually i don't like flavoured vodkas. they all kinda taste disgusting. somehow the taste is like very artificial and doesnt go well with the vodka. aiyah i'm not an alcohol man :)
damn boring.
which reminds me. i must get XM's birthday card.
oh and then there's something on my mind. which i dunno whether to do or not. but aiya freak pretty harmless anyway.

mervyn at 12/31/2005 06:00:00 AM

new chill out place

ok, i just found a new chill out place, but it shall remain a secret.. haha
only reserved for the coolest of all people.
then i shall tell u my secret!
if i tell everyone my secret.. then it wont be chill out anymore.
okie nonsense.

mervyn at 12/31/2005 05:50:00 AM

Friday, December 30, 2005


men should never try to understand women.
seriously. they are the weirdest creatures on earth.
ha. they r unpredictable, erratic, and you'll never know what to expect from them.
neither will you know what they'll suddenly spring on you.
and you never know what they mean when they say one thing
for they might be thinking another thing.
women. are just like chess.
it takes a minute to learn about women.
but a lifetime to master.
ok maybe never master, because we'll never understand them.

mervyn at 12/30/2005 07:43:00 AM

A gigantic box of chocolates

Originally uploaded by the great mervyn.
just trying out a new feature which i discovered, but anyway, this is a huge box of guylian chocolate pralines which i saw at the airport. and it seriously is enormous!
and it costs something like $80 or something like that.
i'd have loved to get it as a christmas present. but nobody would get it for me so there.

mervyn at 12/30/2005 07:22:00 AM

Thursday, December 29, 2005

keeping the faith?

ok, i stole my title from somewhere. but then again, its quite meaningful so let's use it.

anyway, today was a totally meaningless boring crap day. as in it would have been better if it weren't a day at all! it's crazy!
i woke up late, i took lunch, and then i went to sleep again!
and i woke up, went for a run, and took dinner.
and that was it.
but the point is, i'm going crazy!!!
arghhhhh!!! i can't stand this any longer!

today, it is very interesting. because a certain someone msned me just now. it's very funny how it all happens in sequence. ha. it's like... its like the past coming back to haunt you!
but then again. it's crazy. aiya if only there was no past lah! like. erm. i don't know. some of the things i did are quite horrible. don't think i wanna be reminded of them actually..

but sometimes i just can't help thinking........ 1 yr ago...... i think on this day or something..
ha!! lucky it didnt happen again.. otherwise i will flip flop and die!
actually its not so bad..
but aiyah. actually i think nobody knows what im tlaking about.
but it doesnt matter.

sadly... this yr... there is nobody to celebrate the new yr with me.. :) except xm and her gang of friends celebrating her bday....
theres no one to watch the fireworks with.. and i shan't say that there's no one worth watching the fireworks with.. in case james shoot me again.. but i shall say there is someone worth watching the fireworks with... only that she is not watching them with me! :(
happy now james?!??!?!!?!?!?!?

anyway i've been meddling arnd quite abit with the guitar.. its quite fun.. but my hands are aching frm it.. but we must persevere on! and never give up.

ok i hope things start turning better. otherwise... i'll be quite sad :)


mervyn at 12/29/2005 05:37:00 PM

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

inexplicable feeling.

finally back from taiwan.
taiwan was quite nice. as in the weather was awesome. it's like a air-con country. someone said singapore was an air-con nation? taiwan is the real air-con nation! cos everywhere u go its just like having the aircon on.
and the food is fantastic! and its just great eating hot steamy food in the cool crisp weather. man..... i should move there permanently or something. which is why its quite sad cos they don't post NSFs to taiwan or something. ha

but its a nice place. maybe go there again next yr. shopping wise, not much cos its winter time. even so, there's alot of girls stuff on sale. so not very applicable to me. ha =)

anyway today went out with xm. but its still ok haaha.. but she was her usual shopping self..... but quite boring. cos nowadays my life is a boring existence.. =) actually not really. it used to be a boring existence.. but recently..... it is not that boring... ok what am i talking about. haha crap.

no but recently yea it's been heating up! ha! see what staying away frm clubbing does for u. clubbing is the ultimate boring cheap thrill activity. no clubbing = more life! whoa even today its like what the hell man quite a shocker but still. happening.

aiya crap la i dun wanna like go thru this dumb cycle like everytime end of the yr nonsense. but sometimes its quite tempting. man. confused. i think nobody knows what the hell im talking abt.

maybe that's why i'm not a xiaxue. or some popular blogger or something. cos my blog is just for me to kb. not for like public entertainment nonsense. unlike xiaxue the photoshop blogger. who talks nonsense. xia lan xue ah..

how to post photos on the blog?
aiya ok lah whatever. we'll see how things go from here.
i hope they go well.
aiya sometimes. u try to shake it off.
but then..........................

mervyn at 12/27/2005 05:35:00 PM

Thursday, December 22, 2005


hey. my ffingers are kinda hurting now so i can't type properly. my fingers have been hurting cos i am currently in the midst of LEARNING to play the guitar!
cos i have so much free time now i might as well learn something new and enrich my life or something like tt.

anyway, today was quite a happening day, conversely to what i thought. the morning downpour was perfect for sleeping in. nice dreams! =) anyway, i read alot of memoirs of a geisha, and i must say it is a pretty nice book. the language is graceful and elegant, just like a geisha. and it's very engaging too.

went around the place and all so it was quite a productive day in all. but the only sad thing was i didnt get to watch perhaps love, which i wanna watch! does anyone wanna watch? leave a tag or something. or sms me. yea. maybe when i get back.

oh anyway, im going to taiwan tmr. which is quite exciting, cos i've been waiting to go on a holiday for a very long time. since last yr i guess. 1 yr of craziness and mental torment needs a break at times. but its all ended. and we're all happy people now so its alright. coming back on th 27th though.
which means i spend xmas overseas. which isn't that bad after all, since nobody in spore is worth spending xmas with anyway =P ok, maybe there is. but oh well. =) yea i think there is. but then again. maybe next xmas ;)
aiya crap. this sappy merv is not the right merv.

ok. anyway. just watched the trailer of memoirs of a geisha. and i wanna watch it. when it comes out.
good night.

mervyn at 12/22/2005 04:21:00 PM

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

diggin` everything abt u

i'm about going crazy from the intense boredom that's taking place right here in the depths of my soul. i'm here. and i've got nothing to do.
its crazy. i've finished watching full house. i've surfed just about every site that i'm interested in, listened to just about every song that i'd like to listen to, and basically, done everything i possibly could. AND IT'S JUST BEEN 10 DAYS after commissioning.
i'd like to have much more to do with my life.
ok actually in camp, i didnt do much either. but at least there were friends hanging around which u could talk to and hang around with. now, its quite boring. even in the unit.
ok in the unit there's work. but its quite mundane chores. none of the things which i envisioned doing when i was a cadet.
tell me i went through all that nonsense just to do this?
i'm going crazy soon.

i wonder how my friends can stand their office jobs or stuff like that for 2 yrs! i can't even sit still in the chair. and the office is so cold. and the damn air con dries my skin!!!! argh!

and every second that i'm awake. my mind is switched to a different mode. it's lost. its totally out in space.. there's rarely a single moment where i'm super-conscious or like even acutely aware of what i'm doing.

it's crazy. it totally is. and i dunno how the hell it ended up this way but it just did. and what the hell am i to do with this? it's like halfway here and halfway there. and i'm like hey! what the hell!
but there's no turning back, and there has to be the continuity in action.
and it shall continue forever and ever and ever and ever.

fck la i'm going crazy thinking about this nonsense.

ppl dunno what i'm talking abt, but that's good. cos they're not sposed to know. this is just for me to vent my frustrations so i wont go crazy!
i love this nonsense.

mervyn at 12/20/2005 03:39:00 PM

Monday, December 19, 2005

let me in your world

today. today was one of those days that just pass and u dunno what happened. it's the mundane but fast kinda day.

but that's a good thing. but why breeze thru life so mundanely? there should be much more happening.

went to work. and left at lunch to go witness some RAI disposal. ok actually its ben but i was just tagging along. actually being a witnessing officer is easy. just sign some forms. then like only 15 mins. then go. ha.
i should be a witnessing officer la. like everyday just go witness then ok. go.

actually my upperstudy is not bad. quite on the ball. but different working style frm me la i guess. but still. i hope to have a good relationship with him.. like a friend friend relationship.. cos its better that way.. if everything is a working relationship.. its boring.. actually i dun reallly like my working environment. cos its full of girls. females. and somehow or other. im not trying to be sexist here, but girls just have a different working style. and im a different man at work. i'm not the good with girls, smooth merv. i'm the get it done merv. so i don't like having girls around. but guys are keng also.
aiya. at the end of the day. its a matter of how u get them to get the job done. and i'm sure i'll get the job done.
i think i wanna be a good officer. i dun wanna be those half F kinda officer. which everyone doesnt like. an officer shouldnt do no work, but yet shouldn't do all the work. he should exert strong leadership to make everyone to work collectively to maximise productivity. and keep them happy at the same time. sounds difficult. but. i'm here to lead to excel to overcome!
we shall see.

things have been going good...
all on track.. and good to go.

mervyn at 12/19/2005 03:25:00 PM

Saturday, December 17, 2005

comms ball

hi. i'm back frm comms ball. just took a shower. ha.

how was comms ball?
it was alright. i arrived rather late. fashionably late i'd like to call it. but yea. it was ok. what's the point of going so early anyway.. haha.its crazy man. anyway yea. its really very small. as in there were only like 6 tables. but yea, its a more intimate setting this way. not like infantry few hundred tables mega gang-bang. each has its pros and cons i guess.

anyway, seated at my table were daniel, yubin, ian, and teng kok. not too bad. but well, it was quite weird when dan thought jace was my girlfriend. as in. ya. very awkward. but erm ya. i'm used to awkward situations. so i wriggled my way out of it. as usual.

but i must say that the company was quite enjoyable. yea. jace made quite good company. though i would scarce admit that anybody makes good company to me. ha. no but seriously yea, it was quite good. the food was good too! much better than those nonsense chinese dinner style kinda things. but the thing abt it was that i didnt have much of an appetite due to the setting of the whole thing. yah. but it was all fine and dandy in the end. saw some other people's partners too. it was quite... an interesting experience.. shall reserve my comments though... for fear of offending people.

so anyhow the mc sucked. talking cock. crap la. ah but anyway yea whatever right. anyway the view was nice. sigh. i think sometimes its these kinda things which make ur day. the view. anyway yea dinner was a 4 course thing and it ended quite quickly. i liked the dessert though. very nice. wa ssome chocolate truffle thing. and some other thing. but it was sweet. though it could have been much much better but still. u can't expect too much.

anyway yea dinner conversation at my table was kept to a minimal with most people left in their own worlds. just as i was. but spoke a bit to tengky though. yea. and that's pretty much it. aiya whatever lah. comms ball is nonsense.

anyway ya it'd be nice if i brought a girlfriend along, but sadly, i'm a single guy now so ya. its kinda funny bringing a not-your-girlfriend person. as in yea everyone thinks she's ur girlfriend and all.

anyway after the ball, went to get changed. and went shopping! but my legs were quite tired lah. it was real crowded. nonsense ppl. don't wanna go home to sleep.

tired of shopping, went drinking! i like! totally like. it was totally chill out kinda thing lah. i like! freeze time and just chill out there forever. plus the great company, made for awesome time. brilliant.

anyway it was tiil very late. ya and that was it.

overall, it was a really good night. as in yea, a 9.5 star kinda night. so it's all good, fine and dandy in the end. i like!
but the only thing was that i beat a traffic light and i dunno if the red light camera is working (i hope not)
otherwise i'm dead.
but its ok, cos its a good night, so everything will be fine. =)
and it was all thanks to........ (fill in the blanks yrself)

its been a long time since.
and seriously.
yea. i don't know what i'm saying. but
i think i know what i want for christmas.

mervyn at 12/17/2005 08:17:00 PM

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

2 2 tango.

hi. today was a mundane day, but evening got well. in fact, evening was kinda a blast cos it was an interestingly unexpected evening. ha.

spent the day watching full house. its really kinda nice how the story progresses, but the way the guy likes the girl is kinda funny. as in.. he just starts being nice to her for no reason. ok not really nice, but nicer than his usual self. and that's funny. but i like the show nonetheless. have to watch it more man. sappy korean dramas always get the best of me. argh... if only life was so interesting.

so evening i went out. and i ended up taking the reverse bungy thing. that was crazy. it was a spur of the moment kinda thing. BUT it was so so so crazy. ha but exhilirating nonetheless. man. why do i do such things. but it was nice lah. just walking arnd watching the world go by. havent had the chance to do such things for a long time. seriously. its the kinda things u always think of doing but never did. like standing around watching the lights change colors. its quite nice. i like. it'd be better if there was some nice ppl. or rather, the right person! but oh well. life's like that u know.

anyway i'm going mad with each single day. ha. wrecking wrecking oh wrecking my mind. this is like a war. everyday there has to be new strategies. everyday u need to keep the troops happy. and when it's war. it's war. ha. but i am a general in this war. and one day i will wiN.

General Mervyn Tan!
haaahaa ok whateve.r i dun wanna be a general. cos i'm not a military man.

aiya whatever. i'm full house already.

mervyn at 12/14/2005 04:23:00 PM

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

its the real deal now.

last night was a surreal dream. it was one of those. absolutely surreal dream. as in a real drm kinda drm not a i can't believe what's happening so its a dream kinda dream.

today. was not a very good day. but it was a good day from 5.40 pm onwards. i'm sure.

just finished watching full house. first 2 episodes. im kinda tired now. but i have a new love! song hae kyo! brilliant. she's quite sweet. my kind.

sometimes i just wonder.
i'm at pretty much a loss for words.

i need something else to get me through this life. and there is something else that will get me through this.

some ppl can be so fickle. the more i think abt it. the more i kinda regret. argh. i'm a real dumbass. what more can i say, what more can i do. hate this nonsense.

sometimes i wonder. if it could be true. if what runs thru my mind runs through yrs too. but then again. what runs thru my mind. only runs thru my mind.

the moment i caught that lovely fragrance in the air. the sweet smell of yr hair.
i knew that this time
it was for real.
and i was gone. for good.

mervyn at 12/13/2005 07:20:00 PM

Monday, December 12, 2005

nights without you so bleak and dark

its like 1.44 am now and what the hell am i doing online i duno.
i think i wanan go play my NFSU2 now or something.

today was a terrible day. courtesy of SOL. as usual, they told us some wrong instructions, but its ok, cos in the end it leads to my first day as an officer being a 2 hour day. i reported to OCS, presumably for an omer course, at 1330. but apparently, we didnt need to attend it, and SOL being true to its screwed up admin and management, thought we had to attend it! so anyway i left at around 1500. ha. that's crazy.

and tmr is off, because there's nothing for us to do. we're not expected at the unit, because the omer course is supposed to be on tmr, but we don't have a course! so we're like non-existent entities on both ends of the places, so we just don't exist for a day! and wednesday, i shall report to unit to be a Dy S1! ultimate slackness. unless my boss is a total bitch. but i hope not lah. i mean, like come on, how bad can manpower get. oh no. i hear very. HA BUT IT'S Ok.

u know everyday i lead quite a sad life because something runs thru my mind all the time but somehow or other i can never get it resolved. and it sucks. and it seems that things are going downhill from here on, and all that nonsense. and it sucks. however amount of fighting spirit one has, one can never be prepared for the ultimate battle.

but it's ok. i'm used to all this nonsense.

one day i shall rise above it all. and then we shall see. but sometimes, long-drawn stuff starts to lose its purpose and meaning and in the end, u just want it for the sake of winning and stuff. and that's the path its beginning to take. and i know that when such stuff happens. i always win.

u know sometimes i'm fascinated, by the fickleness of things. by the way things turn 180 degrees. just like that. its been some time, and i'm still rather shocked by it all. its jsut so crazy the way things progressed. argh. if only i could talk to someone abt it. but nobody understands anymore. nobody knows what i've been up to. i've been telling bits and pieces to ppl here and there that nobody even knows the full story. nobody sees the complete picture. only i know. and sometimes its difficult. being the only one who knows. and its just so difficult to get along by and by this long winding road. maybe all this stress is getting to me and causing me to lose my precious hair. ha. ok not really. but i mean. its just so mad and crazy and sometimes i just don't understand it all. i would be lying if i said i never tried to understand. every time i try, i end up with an incongruent result and the bleakness of it all helps me none. the only way i'll ever find out is in my dreams. and even in my dreams, the way things work out are just so crazy.

argh. maybe one day someone will understand. someone whom i can only see in my dreams. that special angel.

she doesn't know who she is.

mervyn at 12/12/2005 05:46:00 PM

Saturday, December 10, 2005

after all's been said and done

hey! a very good evening to one and all, folk and sundry, this is 2LT Mervyn speaking!
hha, that was like a wonderful night to be commissioning. its just the atmosphere and all.. brilliantly fabulous. its a really joyous occasion.. and i think the parade was rather alright. as in there were a few major screw ups, but the spectators were rather oblivious so i think it's alright. =)

but i'm just happy to commission.

i dun think there's any difference in me now, and as a cadet. but i think its only now that i have the vested authority to act as i deem fit, and not to play to the standards and rules set to me as a cadet. i think alot of people are wrongly impressioned that you will change the moment u get the rank. but no, i think the rank only signifies ur vested authority, but at the end of the day, you are what you are, and if u are a weak leader, u will still be a weak leader! but i guess the rank does play a part in accelerating one's growth towards being a better person, cos knowing the responsibilities tasked upon u kinda makes u mature faster. its the real deal now, and i guess that makes it all the more stressful. but i guess i have sufficient confidence in my abilities and trust that i can do my job well.

i think there are a couple of things which i should write here to remind myself of.
1. always be humble. - a key trait. one must not let one get to one's head.
2. always something to learn from everyone.
3. treat everybody equally and fairly.
4. do not be too quick to judge
5. your men want people to make things happen. they want leaders not managers.
6. always carry yourself with dignity and honour.
7. fight for your men and stand strong in your beliefs. never waver and take the easy way out. your men will appreciate it.
8. root yourself in a strong set of beliefs and value principles.
9. always act with integrity.
10. be flexible and adaptive.
11. be proactive and responsive
12. never complain in front of yr men
13. adopt a can-do attitude.
14. mutual respect is the key to winning relationships
15. patience is something which i can work on. pretty much alot.
16. fighting spirit and determination are key.

that's pretty much all i have now, but i think i have more. something which i'll add at a later point of time

anyway, now that i've got one thing out of the way, i think this year is pretty much done. but i think there's still a couple of things that still needs to be done before we can call this a good year.
but it is a rather difficult task, or perhaps it could just be me. either way, i have my ways of doing things, and we'll check out the results.

that's all for now.
2LT mervyn out!

mervyn at 12/10/2005 04:20:00 PM

Friday, December 09, 2005

it's coming up

well, its a friday night. early morning in fact, and here i am, at home! what the hell am i doing at home? going to rest, because tomorrow is my comms parade!

and thinking abt it, it all sounds so crazy. it seems like yesterday when i was just enlisted into army, and here i am, ready to be a officer of the SAF. it all seems a little absurd, a little too crazy, but at the same time, its happening. i mean, its kinda surreal thinking about it. totally out of this world. anyway, the rehearsals have been crazy and has been taking up all of my days and all of my nights, and there's only a few things i can think about. one is like, comissioning, like duh. and the many others are things which are probably too personal to reveal here.

but as i go on to comission, what goals have i set for myself? i think this is a question whcih i shall adress at a later point of time, maybe tmr or something.

its exciting just thinking about it. finally.. after so long, its finally here!

ok, apart from that, i've got someone to go along for comms ball, but at the end of the day, comms ball is a big buncha nonsense. actually i feel quite bad. but its ok. i'm used to feeling bad. i mean, after all that i've done, the least i could do is feel bad? ha ok whatever.

it seems like yesterday when i wasn't so bad.

ah whatever. i wanna bathe and sleep.

that's all i need. for the moment.

mervyn at 12/09/2005 05:06:00 PM

Sunday, December 04, 2005

love actually

this christmas,
we should stay home, turn down the lights, and put a love actually dvd into the player and watch it.
cos its nice.

ah yes, i remember when i watched it.
but let's not dwell too much into the past.
i'm talking about the present, and what we should do now. and what we should do is pop the disc into the player and watch it.

why do i suddenly talk about the movie?
cos its nice. and cos i was listening to a song which reminded me of the movie.

all i want for christmas is you!

mervyn at 12/04/2005 06:16:00 AM

silver bells

what's happening. it's the morning and i'm awake!

chicken little is really cute! watched it last night, and it was really rather cute. ok, apart from the TOTAL lack of storyline, the show is just one of those relax sit back and enjoy the lameness and kiddiness of it. brings u back to those kiddy times. and the town is like a big toy city! man.. if i had the necessary patience and time i could build such a town. in miniature form. looks cute!

and the chicken's facial expressions are cool. but the fish takes the cake! as in, u gotta watch to understand man. he's a totally cool guy, totally not like a fish out of water. hahah..

walked along the streets and realised a couple of tihngs. like how this yr's decorations are kinda not very nice. like how they're kinda overtly bright. like how the streets just seem to be so crowded. like how pretty girls have all left singapore. like how i can spend a saturday night. like how nice it would be if i could have 3 wishes. like
alot of things la. and anyone who knows me prolly knows that they don't wanna hear it all cos i'll just talk and talk and talk abt all the things which i realised.

and that was it.


mervyn at 12/04/2005 03:47:00 AM

Saturday, December 03, 2005

not feeling that good on my own

ha, i think i really need some outlet to vent my numerous thoughts right now. and what better place but here

anyway, ytd was like ACPC. it was wonderful man.. though sitting there like for over 1 hour clapping away is kinda not very desirable but still, the feeling of receiving the sword was kinda.. there. like. THERE.

the dining in after that was kinda cool too, cos the atmosphere was kinda cool.. and it was like all the etiquette and all that.. kinda once in a lifetime thing... still remember when i entered ocs, the BEG batch was having their dining in and i was like when the hell will i be able to do that. now, it seems like it was just yesterday. uber-cool.

anyway thats about it, comms in like 7 days, and i'm posted to be a PC (YAY!) in ammo base (Double yay!). firstly, i like to be a PC cos at least its like man-management kinda thing. prefer that sort of thing as opposed to being a QM, which is like in charge of the dumb stores and paperwork that won't talk to u. haaha.. and secondly, i like ammo base cos its such a tranquil and serene environment. absolutely brilliant..

but today i got a shcok upon checking my mail, saying i need a test centre for my oxcford admissions. and that blew me away. like totally. cos the test is like on wednesday. so i'm pretyty much screwed. but i'm running around trying to get a test centre. anyone who's applyingg for oxford? where the hell are u guys taking ur test?

anyway, i'll update a little more later on. i hope today goes about fine.

mervyn at 12/03/2005 08:28:00 AM