Tuesday, January 31, 2006

let me fall

hi. today is the last day of myy really really really. REALLY. extended long break.
its weird going back to work tmr. but more on that later.

today started off fairly lazily, as i am accustomed to after such a long break. ok but i'm still not feeling that well, but its alright. so after lazing arnd for awhile, headed over to jamesie's place. where we didnt do much. except play risk. which is quite good cos jamesies lost til he was only left with a few countries. :D it was nice seeing ahlam after so long and seeing tat he did not turn crazy after so long in brunei. but he did turn into a manwhore though, so its not that good either. haahaa :D
soon he will be back for good.. time passes fast. and soon i'll be free!
ok. liangfa joined us too, and we wnet to orchard. jamesies didnt wanna let us use his TUSCANY, otherwise it would have been fun!
iin the end, we had to go to orchard in a grumpy taxi driven by a grumpy taxi uncle. i think the taxis in singapore are damn substandard. the ones in taiwan are much better. they're modern, and they're like corollas or mazda3s or civic or something cool. and the taxi drivers are much friendlier and all that too. so much for service singapore!!

ok. anyway went for dinner and all. but didnt have much of an appettite as usual, cos i'm still not feeling that well. but then again. so then whilst we were headed home, i suddenly suggested watching huo yuan jia, cos of the catchy tune which stuck in my head. so we did. and i'm glad we went to watch it, otherwise i don't think i'd watch it.
but its a damn nice show!
not only the action sequences and all but also the lessons on humility and all... its really worth a second view. damn nice.. but its quite sad that he didnt live and get together with the girl in the end.

anyways. tomorrow its back to work. and i realised that work might be an invention for people to whilst away their time. otherwise if everyone didn't work, there'd be too much free time and everyone will have nothing to do and just die. actually if we didnt work and all, the world would still tick and we'd still live and get by rather happily. but anyway.
i realised that if we all just did something we liked, we wont view it as chores and daily drudgery. but i don't like what i'm doing now. actually what i'm doing nowadays cannot really be regarded as work? it's more like "high-class detention classes" u know how in pri sch and all that they used to make u sit in detention and do homework or read books or sweep the leaves or some lame thing? nowadays i sit there and stare at the computer. and walk around the place. argh. irritating. gives me alot of time to think about things which are totally unrelated to anything i do.

things like how if i like a shoe. i'll really like it. and i'll wear it to nuts. annd no other shoe will do. until my stupid shoe is worn out.

u know sometimes i think abt some stuff. and i get fuming. its the same thing. i think this is just a divine intervention thing. like sometimes, there's an ABC thing, and sometimes you're A and you fail to see C's side.? so sometimes u end up on C's side, then u see A.

ok that's abit abstract.
let's simplify it.
imagine a river. with 2 banks. so there's the near side, and the far side. so being on the near side, you wash your clothes there everyday, you just basically do everything everyday, and you're happy with it. and an observer on the far side, sees you polluting the river everyday, sees how the fishes die, and sees how the water from upstream turns murky as it passes you.
and one day u go to another river as thhe observer. BOOM. and then it strikes u.
that's pretty much the situation i find myself in now.
and there's pretty much no chance to make amends. close to zero at least.

argh its so irritating. u know some people actually shoudl just quit their day job, and go be a promoter or something. or a fisherman. i thought i was good. BUT THIS IS BETTER.
keeps u on ur tenterhooks.
its like. u thought u were free? but u're actually part of a bigger web, which is part of a bigger web, which is part of a bigger web, AND you'll just be entangled for life.

brillllliant!
just what i need for the new year!

mervyn at 1/31/2006 04:35:00 PM

Saturday, January 28, 2006

hi, a happy cny to one and all.
its b een a long time since i've seen this place. but didn't really have much time to blog. or much energy either.

just came back from korea on friday.
its quite nice being there for a week. i liked the crisp air there. really nice. the weather, whilst cold, was refreshing. i like it better than the humidity and heat of singapore at least. though u have to dress up and all to go out, but still, its kinda worth it.

i liked the snowboarding too!! pretty proficient in it now. guess i could get better the next time round! turn pro or something and quit school. or maybe turn pro whilst studying in the US. yea. that'd be the best case scenario! haha. and that'd be in my dreams or something.

fell sick there though, so that wasnt that good. had food poisoning or something. but its ok, i lived through it. so its not that bad. but i felt like dying though. haha..
and even now i'm feeling the after-effects of it.

i think i wanna stay there for a month or so after i complete my army. speaking of completion, somehow it seems like soon when i think about it. like it's this year. albeit the end of the year. but time flies. especially when you're having fun. :)

recently. i've been rather puzzled.

recently, ive also been drinking alot. which is not that good. but its all for the festive season my friends! don't drink and drive! the beer might spill.

what else is there? actually there's alot to say. but in the festive mood of things and considering how this is the 1st day of the CNY, maybe another time!

IN the meantime,
best wishes and a happy chinese new yr to one and all!

mervyn at 1/28/2006 06:19:00 PM

Friday, January 20, 2006

the colour in my monochrome.

hi. i just returned from a night out at the ministry of noise.
it put the groove back in me, after being out of groove and action for the past 4 months. it has been a long time since i've been grooving. and now i'm back to being a hip hop man! no more sentimental ballads. no more old western country songs. it's time for the hip hop merv to come back into action.

ok who am i kidding.
that's totally not true. the hip hop merv is a thing of the past. nowadays... i'm a man..... of strong principles and healthy morals. except when the right person comes along then maybe i can overlook these principles and morals. BUT Other than that! no no no! haahaha nonsense.

the ministry of noise is a nice place. but it's preetty freaking crowded. something which i don't like. looks like i wont be going back there in awhile.

oh. and today i went back to play soccer. not bad. my first time playing soccer on the field in more than a year! it was kinda alright. not too bad. and NJ is a damn nice school now. damn. i should have retained for 2 years. enjoy the NJ days. whoa imagine if all my friends were in the sch now. i think we might turn it upside down. haha. it really is damn nice now. REALLY. sigh. sometimes looking back at those days.. its really quite nice memories. oh wells. :)

its time to create new memories.
do u wanna create a new memory with me?
hhaahaha
that sounds quite marketing slogan!
;)

mervyn at 1/20/2006 07:57:00 PM

Thursday, January 19, 2006

stranger in a strange land

hi.
this is the pinnacle of frustration.
why am i frustrated? i think whatever i say would be rather insufficient to explain myself.
but sometimes i dun need to explain myself. i just need.. something.
u know people feel frustrated when they feel that they are not in control of a situation? and that's how i feel now! terrible terrible.

anyway i got a haircut today.

what's new?

ok let's tell a story.
u know there was once this driver.
and this driver was really pissed off with his car. so he wrecked the car. and eventually he realised that he depended alot on the car cos he was a really good driver and only with his car could he win races?
but at the end of the day the stupid car is just a car, it's a still inanimate feelingless object.
so.
the story goes 2 ways here.
he either wrecks his car and goes home and becomes a successful sailor.
or.
he buys a new car and this time, he's not only winning races but breaking records! smashing!

ok.
that's the story of the day. i think i wanna go watch my own stories now. like the 9pm love concierge story.
screw stories.

mervyn at 1/19/2006 12:56:00 PM

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

i like to go shopping.

today was quite a cool day. handed over my DO duty and all that. and today morning in the office was quite normal. nothing special about it. so i was supposed to go on half day off in the afternoon, but suddenly something cropped up, and i had to go for a meeting at hq st, not that i minded, cos today was like nothing special also so half day off or not also no big deal. so just go to hq st.

whoa. it was quite an experience sitting in the meeting where the average age of the men are i think older than my dad. and the 2nd youngest person there is probably at least 5 yrs older than me. but i just sat there quietly throughout the whole thing. until i suddenly got an arrow! but then it's ok. i think it's our responsibility to do it also. so i just listened and see what we have to do. quite interesitng actually. though i didnt understand alot of the lingo used, but still. it was quite interesting to sit in and hear what others have to say. and see that the meetings aren't that formal after all.

went home after tt cos today was a shopping day. :) so went to bathe and all. but i seriously was quite tired today.

then i went to orchard to meet yshan and all that. and she was late! or ok maybe she wasn't. at least i didn't go home :) that's quite a bad thing to do. haha... but its quite nice going shopping with her. it's a.......... immersive affair! u shop for her things and she shops for ur things! quite fun... i got myself my levi's engineered jeans, which i've been wanting to get ever since i knew there were such a thing. actually i pretty much only wear engineered jeans. though i have 2 other pairs. but i still prefer the engineered jeans. why? i dunno. haha. and i saw this real nice shirt at zara. but sadly, i didnt get it. cos it was $99. but i should get it. IT'S REALLY NICE. oh n she saw this pair of pants at A|X which are REALLY NICE. i think she should get it. shan shan shan shan shan shan shan if u're reading this.. PLEASE go get the pants. very very very nice. i'll get you a top for the pants okie! just get the pants!! so unique, and very special. very timeless also. not a one-season kinda thing but something u can wear again and again and aagain and it will look good all the time! and it will look like a new outfit all the time! ahhh its quite worth it. assuming u just wear it once a month, and it costs $150, it's like $13 a month. quite worth it what.
after all.... STYLE Is priceless!!! haahahaa... i also like the jacket at zara. ah i need some money..
my mpc is around 0.3 so if i wanna spend like $400. pls give me like erm. $1300?
yeah. thanks.

dinner was good. and so was after-dinner. no. actually after-dinner was not so good thanks to her thrift. COULD BE BETTER ;) but anyway i think it was a really enjoyable evening. i like :) yea. sometimes its nice to have such nice evenings. takes the mundanity away from life.

oh and i was flipping thru a book just now.
and i saw this.
"love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own."
isn't it so very true. and i realised that my happiness probably doesnt matter to -*-*-*-. so it's quite pointless.
argh. isn't life so very irritating.
but that's it. i'm not going to bother about this anymore. i'm really gone about this.
just let the sail go with the wind. just as the tides rise and fall naturally. just as the leaves fall. just as winter turns to spring.

just as a stasis will always be a stasis.
so it shall be.

i should just concentrate on being happy.

mervyn at 1/18/2006 04:53:00 PM

Monday, January 16, 2006

cool address

wow. this is a cool address from a visitor to meblog.
10. 17 January 00:34 Level 3 Communications, San Francisco, United States
anw i'm sufficiently irritated tonight.
ARGH
oh and i'm tomorrow's DO. i should sleep.

mervyn at 1/16/2006 05:10:00 PM

experiences.

hey. its quite late. and today was another day at work.
just another day.
actually how many of us actually spend fruitful days at work? everyday its same old same old. even in sch. everyday same old same old. mundane lives we all lead. sigh. so boring.

i go to work, see my boss. see the computer screen. and start thinking. and then its lunchtime. lunch is a reprieve. and then its back to the same old same old. why is it like that. but i must say that there are times when i learn useful skills. so its not that bad. things like coaching, things like personal mastery, all these things which the army teaches me but can never be used in the army. the army is just as such. its nonsense to implement a LO because of its structural rigidity.

there isn't a day that passes without me thinking of this certain topic. and sometimes i find it meaningless. fruitless. everything-less. it's an empty ditch where u just go deeper and deeper WITH NO MEANING. argh.
there's just so much to say. but communication lines are down. argh.

just now. i went running. and i saw this couple kissing, at THAT BUS STOP. and im thinking. i'm quite irritated with people making out on the streets and all. i mean, i'm fine if its a damn romantic place like some cool city with a nice cityline and all and you feel in the mood and your love overflows and you hug each other in a warm embrace and kiss and savour the moment. but pardon my lack of romanticism, what is so nice about the bus stop that these young couple have to embrace in the middle of the footpath (and thereby blocking me) and start kissing? ah. the values of young kids nowadays. all gone down the gutter.

and whilst i was running, i suddenly had a moment of epiphany. i finally realised the meaning of the song feng by jay chou. and i realised that . its quite applicable. quite cool. and its poetic. and i realised. maybe that's why i like literature. or rather that's why i took literature and did so well in it. literature is not a subject per se, as compared to maybe biology or physics. rather, literature is like a skill set. it's like a skill set training one to make sense of that which he is unable to make sense of. and it basically exaggerates human nature in order to understand human nature. and its a skill set about understanding the world and yourself. and that's quite cool for me!



argh. frustratingly crazy.
i think sometimes it's quite sad to not have experienced the full range of emotions in yr life.
its just like a pantone table. some colours might not be nice, but without it in its entirety, it doesnt look nice.

mervyn at 1/16/2006 04:09:00 PM

Sunday, January 15, 2006

nice and simple.

hi. today was quite an attitude day. and also a lazy day.
last night i slept around 3. and as is usual with weekends, i leave my alarm alone. i give it a break.
when i woke up, i thought it was 12! but when i checked my clock, it was only 9! so me being me, went back to sleep. and i woke up at 11. and slept. and woke up at 12! nice and lazy.

ok. then i was supposed to go out with this dumb girl. whom i totally didnt want to go out with. so i was thinking of excuses to excuse myself from this dumb meeting with a dumb girl. but it was quite mean to tell her stuff like i'm busy at the last minute or something like that right. but anyway, i was there, and as luck has it, she was late by 15 minutes! so me being me, the guy with a serious attitude, told her goodbye and sorry that she had a punctuality problem. and went home. WHAT A JERK! but aiyah i guess it was my bad headache and also just her being her lah. actually i wont mind waiting for girls. LIKE HOw i always wait for XM for like 1 hour AT LEAST or like maybe 2 hours ON AVERAGE. but this dumb girl is different. this dumb girl is just irritating lah. argh. but after that i felt good lah. so yah. like total liberation from her irritation.
upon reaching home.
i went back to sleep.
damn lazy.
but i had a headache lah! and when i woke up, i had a headache still. and the best tihng about it was that i hadn't gone for a run! but anyways i went for dinner first.
then i went for a run.

i think i'm kinda addicted to running. its become like a drug. if i don't run in a day, i'll feel very guilty. i'll feel lousy about myself. i'll feel like i'm missing out on something. and i'll just keep thinking about why i didn't make time to run and all that nonsense. and even the next day i blame myself for not running. its a psychological condition. one day i'll do a forrest gump and run all the way to antartica. and then i die in the snow.
and then viewers will be watching me and calling some hotline. and for every $1 that they spend calling the hotline, 90 cents will go to buying platinum taps and diamond-encrusted shower-heads (i figured if u wanna be extravagant might as well go all the way) whilst 9 cents will go to upkeeping my well-wishers. 1 cent out of the 1 dollar will go to me.
i expect to be rich by the time i reach antartica.
ok that's total nonsense.

nowadays. i'm quite confused.
why?
=) that's for u to figure out.

mervyn at 1/15/2006 04:57:00 PM

Saturday, January 14, 2006

delgadina.

today was quite a happy day.
or rather, a really relaxed and chillout day.

went over to j's house to play RISK 2210AD. which is quite a nice game. quite interesting. think i must play it abit more to become a pro at it. ha. but it is quite cool. i like the command cards and all that. but essentially its the same as risk. so not bad.

after that, j's parents were very nice, cos they treated us to dinner. quite a good dinner. yeah.

then i went to get a cd. which i got cheated, cos i thought the free VCD had the kiss goodbye MV in it, but turns out it doesnt. which is quite sad. so i only have the blur version to see. the rest of the CD is quite hip hop.

just now, i did something rare.
i watched a show on chan 61. because it captured my attention. i was just lucky to have seen it. it appeared as a black screen. with the white words in very small font in the middle. the white words were "about love" and below it, in chinese, "guan yu ai" and i thought. hm. yea this is something i should know abt. and so i went to watch it. actually i thought it was some mainstream film or something. but it turned out. that it was an arthouse film. a japanese-chinese collaboration. the show consists of three mini-stories, and somehow, the central tie-in is that there were all characters who couldn't communicate with each other verbally due to the language barirer. but the central theme was love. the 3 stories are set in 3 different cities. i particularly enjoyed the tokyo one. it was sweet. the shanghai one talked abt this jap guy who was too engrossed in his ex that his eyes were blinded to the love that another girl had for him. and by the time he found out, it was too late. like. he home-stayed at this place. and the daughter had a thing for him. and she never told him til the last day, when she said te quiero to him just as he was leaving. he was puzzled. the girl told him te quiero was spanish for goodbye.

he came back a year later. to the same place. he said te quiero to a bunch of spanish tourists leaving a cafe. and they laughed at him. the cafe owner explained to him that te quiero was actually i love you. and then it struck him. and then he realised. but it was just too late. life's like that. very true ain't it.
but the show was seriously arthouse. very nice. i like.
check it out here. http://www.aboutlove-movie.com/eng/trailer.html

recently, i've also been reading this book by gabriel garcia marquez entitled memories of my melancholy whores.
his prose is poetic. reading it brings u to a dream-like realm. its like a literary drug. gets you high.
and this is one quote from the book.
the invincible power that has moved the world is unrequited, not happy, love.



ladies and gentlemen,
have a good night.

mervyn at 1/14/2006 05:33:00 PM

Thursday, January 12, 2006

dumb, dumber, and DUMBEREST!

HAHAHA....
TONIGHT. IS THE FUNNIEST NIGHT IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND. NONO IT'S not really that funny yet.
BUT IT'S sufficienly funny!!!
hahahahahahah
its crazy man.
totally,.
toally crazy hahahahahaa........

i like!

mervyn at 1/12/2006 05:03:00 PM

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

kiss goodbye

ok, so today, i went for the course.
which is really rather interesting, as in u learn quite alot of stuff. the crowd at the crowd though, was kinda weird. we had warrants. and people like our dearest SOH. urgh. pains me to see him and hear his nonsense again. ugh.

ok. but after that. went home. and then i went out with yshan. which was kinda not bad. haha. but she still owes me a treat. which is kinda bad. because there were no ice cream shops open! but ok la it was not bad. at least i finally got the CHILL at the airport. which is very CHILLout.
oh but there's one interesting fact.
she made me realise something. opened my eyes and saw the light man! totally saw the light. awareness man! so.
yah. terrible. couldn't let me live in my dreams. had to wake me up. shatter my brilliantly built up illusion. MEAN SHAN. but oh well. maybe its very good after all. i mean, who'd want to live a delusional life right? sigh. actually i would. but we all can only be deluded for SO LONG. and after that. no. but oh well. i've seen the light man!

anw. i've downloaded this reallly nice song that i've been hearing on radio all the while and didnt know the title. its called kiss goodbye by wang li hong. the mv is really. really. and i mean. really. sweet. and the fact that the song is damn sweet already doesnt help much. BUT I'VE SEEN THE LIGHT BABY!

ok but for good faith and prosperity, i shall post the lyrics here. prob have to change the text encoding to see the words.

Baby不要再哭泣
这一幕多么熟悉
紧握着你的手彼此都舍不得分离
每一次想开口但不如保持安静
给我一分钟专心 好好欣赏你的美

幸福搭配悲伤
痛是在我心交叉
挫折的眼泪不能测试爱的重量
付出的爱收不回
还欠你的我不能给
别把我心也带走 去跟随~

每一次和你分开
深深的被你打败
每一次放弃你的温柔 痛苦 难以释怀
每一次和你分开
每一次kiss you Goodbye
爱情的滋味此刻我终于最明白

幸福搭配悲伤
痛是在我心交叉
挫折的眼泪不能测试爱的重量
付出的爱收不回
但欠你的我不能给
我才明白爱最真实的滋味

mervyn at 1/11/2006 05:23:00 PM

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

out of sight, out of mind.

today was another rainy day.
i'm really feeling totally under the weather. as in i really can't stand it raining everyday. its very energy and emotionally sapping. i don't know why but it just is. please stop raining! really. its crazy. the world is gonna end soon.
life is short! so treasure it! ha!

today was anthy's bday. so happy bday anthy!!!! haa.. we went to nice linzy's house to celebrate his bday. linzy is really nice to anthy. as in u can see man.. so sweet.. good for anthy that he has found a nice girl... now its my turn!!! but it will be impossible... hahaha.. sadly.. there shall be no nice girl for me.. why? because ..... something.

anyway it was quite nice seeing all of my friends after a long absence. ppl like cbrong. and then oh we went for dinner. which was alright. not fantastic but manageable. yeah. actually that's about it. this is a NICE day. but it could be nicer. actually there's only one way for it to be a NICER day but that 1 way is pretty much impossible and exists mainly in my dreams and daydreams. i wish for the day when everyday is NICER day. i'll be a NICER person just for the NICER day to come. damn.
but its pretty much impossible. so yeah. so i will just be NICE or MEAN.

ok.
i think there's alot which i have to say. but i shan't say it.
i think i wanna sleep now.
ok bye.

mervyn at 1/10/2006 04:46:00 PM

Monday, January 09, 2006

sunflowers

i hate the rain. i really do.
i hate the way its been raining over and over and over again.
and it doesnt look like its stopping. and all that rain. has caused a rainstorm within me.
drenching and washing away everything.
here's a little sunflower to bring back the sunshine in my life. and yours too.
but sunflowers. are but mere flowers. they look terrible. dratful when they wilt.
and they definitely will wilt.
that's why i have a fake sunflower on my desk. actually its on my desk cos someone gave it to me and i have nowhere to put it.
i probably forgot who gave it to me, but i think i remember.
okie. but that's besides the point. enjoy the sunflowers.

mervyn at 1/09/2006 06:06:00 PM

the worst day of the year.

today is officially the worst day of the year.
i had a do duty. the day before.
which was absolutely boring.
and the morning sucked. because our dear RSM the ringmaster came up with some circus tricks of his again. what a dumbass. bloody waste of taxpayer's money.

then i went home. and rushed off to marina sq for this seoul garden nonsense. some cohesion day.
whcih is. in my opinion. boring. as in. aiyah its not my kinda thing really.

and then.
everything else at night sucks.
from 8 pm to 9 pm to 10 pm. to 11pm. to 12am. to 1am.
fuck i shud just go to sleep. only in my dreams do things become very good and joyful
ONLY IN MY DREAMS.

mervyn at 1/09/2006 05:26:00 PM

i have failed

dear sir,
after much bloodshed in the warfront, i have failed to overcome the odds.
the heavy rain has battered and thrashed even the toughest and most seasoned of our warriors.
it is time that we extricate our troops.
it is no more an exercise. it is no more a war.
it is a defeat.

but stand tall in retreat.

mervyn at 1/09/2006 02:08:00 PM

Saturday, January 07, 2006

what does it mean to be an officer.

1 yr after enlisting into the army, 1 month after commissioning, u begin to get jaded. and think. what's the big deal about being an officeR? what's so great about a 2LT, about that bar u wear on your shoulders?
most of us will just say 2LTs are just small fry with nothing much to do and all that nonsense. but today as i was lying on the sofa. i thought.
hey. actually. being an officer is a big thing!

i mean, before i came into the army, i was like. officers. whoa.. way up there kinda thing. as in i seriously had a great amt of respect for the officer corp. and the ppl who were in ocs were like.. whoa..

and then when i first entered army. officers were like whoa. they were like demi-gods. which is not surprising actually. but then again, we were just recruits.

but relooking at the whole issue. think about it.
it wasn't a bed of roses being an officer. there's a reason why there's OCS. it's to nurture and groom officers. and the road wasn't easy.

within 9 months, they equipped u. they trained u. they moulded u and taught you bout respect. not only giving respect, but commanding respect. they taught u about personal mastery, and they taught u about people. they taught you how to make yourself better, and then they went a little further and taught you how to make other people better.

it's really crazy imagining that i'm not mervyn anymore. but 2LT mervyn. days ago i thought I've lost my identity. It's not "mervyn, can u do this for me". it's "SIR, i need your help in doing this." and then it dawned on me. that when ppl address you as Sir, they are acknowledging your abilities as an officer and as a member of the officer corp. and the demands that they place upon you are infinitely different from that which they would place upon you as a normal individual. in a sense, the day you commissioned, you were deemed to be reborn as a new, and infinitely better person.

i think that's the main gist of everything. that's the beauty of it all.

i don't think 2LTs are small frys anymore. every BG, COL, has to start from a 2LT anyway. and being an officer is not only a military responsibility, it is also a social responsibility.

and that makes all the difference.

i think some ppl might find this post a little idealistic and like building castles in the air, but to each his own.

mervyn at 1/07/2006 08:25:00 AM

Thursday, January 05, 2006

come a little closer

hi. today. was a sick day. cos i felt sick. so it was a sick day.
but then again, let's see.
actually there's nothing much to say. about the day.
everyday, day in day out. same old same old.
that's life i guess.

the mundanity of it is sickening. it really is. now. u infantry fellas dun tell me that u guys are same old same old. charging up the same hill can have different approaches. bloody logistics commanders. always slamming infantry ppl. now that i'm in the unit. i know the real deal. bloody dumb logistics SENIOR commanders. who's the one who said a logistician had to use his brain alot? screw!

on to happpier things. or rather not so much happier. but then again.

u know some korean shows.
sometimes. a guy likes this girl. but he thinks. nah. this girl. she's WAY UP THERE. she'll never like me.
and so he never attempts to bring the relationship any further.
the girl on the other hand. secretly likes this guy. i mean, most korean shows the guys are not bad right. so yah she secretly likes this guy. and she always thinks. hmm. what is this guy thinking. why does he seem so nonchalant. why is he always this way. why this why that. why everything ok.
the viewers will be like oh man what the hell kinda thing right. like. totally so wasted.
BUT AS are all korean dramas. the relationship progresses. somehow or other. and then there will be a happy ending lah with the dumb couple walking hand in hand in the snow or something like that lah.

BUT. ok. here's the sad part.
it never happens this way in reality.
in reality. erm.
the story goes like. ok the guy likes the girl the girl likes the guy. and after some time. they are filled with WHYS? and as we all know, why's are the problem to everything.
and eventually. their relationship with each other will stagnate.
and then. it will become a wasted relationship.
and the story ends there.

so u see. what the hell is my purpose in telling this story?
none actually. just bringing everyone on a tour of reality. and the cruel nature of reality.

if only we had perfect information on everything. things wont turn out this way.
but then again. it is because we don't know that adds the magic to everything.

think about it. if we knew everything, what'd be so fantastic about discovering a bargain? nothing.

we don't know. that's why everything is so magical.

BUT i wanna know! but i don't think i'll ever know lah. so nonsense.

u know it'd be so simple. if only there was a sign. maybe there are signs. it's just that i'm probably too dense to see any of them. i probably need a brick to hit me in the face before i know anything.

she's really got me in a clutch.
and the beauty of it all is.
SHE DOESN'T KNOW IT AT ALL! (or at least i think she doesn't)

mervyn at 1/05/2006 02:36:00 PM

desire.

ooh. what's this?

mervyn at 1/05/2006 02:34:00 PM

st dupont vice case close up 1

dices just when u need them. chips to create your own currency.
palladium plated drawers. jewels. crystals.
what's there to want

mervyn at 1/05/2006 02:34:00 PM

st dupont vice case

this is it. the world contained in one case.
it's got a portable bar. cigar dehumidifiers. game sets. grooming kit. and it is oh so nice.
it costs like in the region of 9900 euros. i want one!

mervyn at 1/05/2006 02:31:00 PM

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

it's not hard to fall.

and when u thought everything was oveR. OVER.
it just had to come back.
it's like a knee injury that never goes away.
like MY knee injury that never goes away. when i run too much. it hurts.

but you shall make it go away! ha!

mervyn at 1/04/2006 02:32:00 PM

there isnt anything much else which i can say or do

hi.
today was a boring, slack day at work. it's not the typical slack day, but a frustratingly boring day. but i guess i shan't complain about it too much. at least things happen.
and every day is a new day. which is a good thing, at least.

ok the bad thing is that i will be having understudy duty tmr. which means i will only be home at 9pm. which really sucks. yea it really does. but then again. i'll be doing duty on sunday. which may, or may not be a good thing. depending on how you look at it.

hm. and today. i think somehow or other. i think i stumbled upon a certain realisation. which struck me. and it came like an epiphany. a not very needed one actually.

sometimes. we wish so badly for things. and when our wishes come true. we realise that all we wanted was for our wish to come true.
that's something i can't really express well. but as long as i know what i'm talking about.

it's mambo night today and i'm stuck at home. brilliant!
but i'm very sleepy and i think i'm going to have an early night.
goodnight.
to you especially.

mervyn at 1/04/2006 02:07:00 PM

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

i don't know where i'm going

hi. today is a sad day. as is everyday.
there are very little days which are happy in my recent life. december was quite a happy month.
december was filled with numerous happy events. comms parade. comms ball. new posting. holiday. shopping. ah.. the likes. HAPPY STUFF.

now, herald january. not happy. unhappy. ok its too early to say right. but from my FORECAST of events. i can foresee it being a sad month. ok this week is a screwed up week. i have understudy DO on thurs. AND THEN i have DO on sunday. how good can it be? crap. and my forecast of events don't foresee any HAPPENING events this month. ok la. ppl who know me well enough should know what "happening eventS" im talking about. not clubbing but something else :)

i like this smiley -> :).... it looks nicer than -> =)
actually both look cute. but the squinty eyes are verry cute. it gives some sort of aesthetic value to it. the =) is like long eyes like slitty. not nice.

ok i'm really talking nonsense.
today i went to pasir ris park.
i discovered that i don't like the beach. as in. i don't like hot beaches. i dont like hot places.
i like mountains. i like hills. thats why im working on a hill now! :)
i like forests too. yeah. i like all these stuff. i like lakes. i like streams. but i don't like the beach.
i don't like to sweat for no reason. i mean. i don't mind running. i don't mind all that. but i dun like to sweat cos its hot. i like to keep myself cool. i should move to a wintery place. where there IS NO warmth. where there is only cold. blistering cold. HARSH unforgiving cold.
that's what i like.
and i dun like fisherman's village.
yah. i really don't like it.

ok. i'm damn frustrated.
why? don't think i'll tell anyone.
because nobody knows what i'm talking about anyway. ha :)
i mean.
argh. i don't know.

maybe that's why i like running. just keep runing. and running. and running. away from everything.
run. run run run run.
running is quite tranquil. u seem to forget abt everything.
but recently.
when i go running.
i can only think abt one thing.

and my devices. revolve around this one thing.
and its going crazy.
ok i'm going to stop this nonsense once and for all.


ok im going to sleep. i can't stand this any longer. ha ok goodnight.

mervyn at 1/03/2006 05:03:00 PM

Monday, January 02, 2006

anything

i love this song. this song is damn nice

Anything for you
Turn my castles blue
Turn my bones to sand
Just to see you
I’ll give you anything
I’ll give you anything
I’ll give you anything
Jackie o with the top down open
All the words to what ís unspoken
I’ll put together everything that’s broken
Just to see you
I’ll give you anything
I’ll give you anything
I’ll give you anything
Jackie o with the top down open
A kingís horse for what’s been broken
I’ll bring back even whatís unspoken
Just to see you
I’ll give you anything
I’ll give you anything
I’ll be your anything

mervyn at 1/02/2006 05:11:00 PM

Sunday, January 01, 2006

i totally love this photo

this is the absolute beauty. brilliantly taken. wonderful moment. one in a million kinda photo. this is just fantastic. it really is.
makes one sigh just watching it.
sigh at its beauty that is.

mervyn at 1/01/2006 12:33:00 PM

red

how nice is this!

mervyn at 1/01/2006 12:30:00 PM

sparkling things which light up the sky like stars

i like this photo. this particular firework consisted of this ball which shot up to the sky and exploded into many small particles which lit up the sky like stars and promptly began their descent down.
the golden streaks are the gold dust kinda firework. the kind that explodes and leaves streaks like gold dust in the sky.
absolutely awesome.

mervyn at 1/01/2006 12:28:00 PM

beautiful sight

pity * wasnt around

mervyn at 1/01/2006 12:26:00 PM

10 resolutions for 2006

1. get gold for IPPT

2. (secret - - - )

3. apply for some good uni and get into a gd uni

4. make less enemies and maintain cordial relations with others

5. be a good officer by being more enthu and on and responsible.

6. learn to play the guitar properly.

7. read more widely (this doesnt mean esquire, GQ, etc etc.) intellectual stuff.

8. start some business thing going to finance my expenditure.

9. run a marathon (if my knee is alright)

10. to be determined to keep all these resolutions.

mervyn at 1/01/2006 12:19:00 PM

ushering in the new year with a BANG!

ok. happy new yr to one and all.. and with the new yr ahead, lets hope everything goes well, fine and dandy :)

the new yr is also a time of reflection. of introspection and thinking of what's up.
5 things which was good about 2005

1. commissioning successfully. this isnt about the rank or the black bar. rather, its the journey and the training which i went through. which made me a much better person, a more calm, composed, better decision maker. it taught me about responsibility and leadership and a whole lot of other things. i think this was one of the best things to happen this yr.

2. learning to make better use of my time. i learnt that there was quite a great deal which you could do with your free time. which is always a good thing.

3. my good friends got better. ha ok self explanatory.

4. getting my 4As in exams. actually its not really a big deal, but at least it means that my A levels paid off. ha.

5. staying healthy and not injuring myself.

5 things which could be improved about 2005.

1. less terrorists

2. i should be more patient. and not be so impatient all the time. i think i set too high standards for others and i get agitated when they don't achieve it. should be more understanding.

3. i should have been nicer to certain people.

4. should have gone and made more friends and less enemies

5. done more productive things. like academic stuff. read more books.

mervyn at 1/01/2006 11:48:00 AM