Tuesday, February 28, 2006

aren't you tired?

hies.today is a sports day.
work started rather badly, cos its the MONDAY BLUES once again. its always blue on a dumb monday. even the ppl in my office remarked that i was in a bad mood. and they asked me why i was in such a bad mood.
honestly,
i don't know why i was in such a bad mood. but i just was. perhaps its cos of my lost pen?! perhaps its cos of all the idiots tt gimme problems? perhaps this perhaps that but besides the point. i was in a bad mood.

but somehow, the mood picked up after lunch. so that was good. yumyum!
anyways, why was today a sports day? cos after some time, the ppl in camp, asked me if i wanted to play soccer. so i played soccer. quite ok, like quite short also, and not much running around. played rather alright.
so then i went home,
and then i went to play golf.
and then i came back again,
and then i went to run.

IF TODAY IS NOT A SPORTS DAY, THEN WHAT IS!! wow, like soccer, golf, run. not bad not bad. and today i ate quite little! yeah.. with more exercise and less food, soon i'll find myself on the cover of men's health! yeah!

anyways, i went to walk arnd amk just now after a bit of golf.. its quite.. i dunno, hectic. yet i walk isolated. its quite cool. sighs.

and u know recently, i've been on a drive. something like er... an anti-something drive?? like quit smoking campaign kinda thing? but not quit smoking lah, like something else. and erm. the addiction is too strong man. campaign unsuccessful. sucks. not that i wanted it to be succesfful in the first place.

and today,
i realised that morale is very important. in a team, in an organisation, in an office, in a person. morale is one of the key performance determinants. i mean, look at somee of the most successful teams, they can have the best players, but if their morale is down, some days they lose.
so. managing morale is important. and i do it pretty well i think. haha. self praise.
ok that's all for today.
my morale is bad though. but someone always plays around with myy morale like its a game. but its ok. i'm immune!

mervyn at 2/28/2006 03:14:00 PM

Monday, February 27, 2006

the flower wilts in your absence

hies.
i cant type much cos my left index finger is injured. its a very smart thing i did cos when i was jumping up to do pull ups just now, i hit my hand against the pillar, and now my knuckle is swollen. so pain.

today was a dumb day. iw as supposed to attend a course, but its a dumb image course, which probably will teach me how to dress like a 50 year old more than anything else. and then iw as supposed to attend a base safety meeting. and the meeting is dumb. i don't have to be there at all. i don't add value to the dumb meeting at all. i just sit there because i have to. but seriously, i don't say anytihng there, i don't do anytihng there, and half the time they're talking about things i don't even understand or which have no impact on me at all. its so dumb the way the army works. annd todays meeting was 2+ hours. crazy man... sat there and almost died.

anyways, after tt went for soccer. today's soccer was kinda sad. LIKE SO MANY PEOPLE. but so small space. and then talk talk talk. even sadder. as i was telling qiling, its like the unwanted child of everyone. and nobody wants the child.. so sad.. ok tha'ts not a nice way of putting it, but oh wells, that's all i can think of. but i was quite happy looking at the way they played today, its quite not bad already. i reallly hope they caN play a 11 a side on saturday. i'll be quite happy. or rather, very happy. i liek to be busy. when i'm busy, i take my mind off things whcih my mind inevitably drifts away to when it has the luxury of time.

i've got duty this wednesday. yays.

im quite in a sad mood today.
ohs. and erm.
argh nvm.

mervyn at 2/27/2006 02:35:00 PM

Saturday, February 25, 2006

disenchanted

heys.
today i think i have really a whole lot to blog.
and i just might, although i'm quite tired and sleepy.

i've hit a plateau in my life. really. i have. its come to the point where i've gotten all that i want, and i don't know where i go from here. actually i've not really gotten all that i want, but i suddenly feel a sudden disconnection with my life. its become somewhat of a thing that life doesn't give me much satisfaction nowadays. it seems the only thing i look forward to nowadays is actually the girls' soccer training, cos i must admit that its really fun (those soccer girls reading my blog must be happy to read this, but i don't care i'm just gonna write everything i feel)
its actually quite fun, and i've gotten quite attached to the team. as in now, i really do feel that perhaps i shld do my best to help them to win. its no more of a just help out thing. cos sometimes when i see the dedication they put in, even tho there are a few slackers, its quite motivating and encouraging. and its also quite sad cos nobody cares abt them. ms ho is busy with the boys team and all that. and they can't possibly run the show themselves. BUT BACK to the point, i realise that that's pretty much the only thing i look forward to in the whole week. oh, and also my weekly outings with my friends, bra ants and the gang. cb rong has just started joining us too! its quite fun and therepeutic actually. its a time when i can just be myself, not a dyS1, not a coach, not aanything, but just mervyn.

yesterday, the dxo working in my office, whom i come into contact with the most, angie, remarked that i'm a totally different person at work and out of work. that can't be further from the truth. at work, i am an officer. i am a dys1. there's no nonsense. even whilst i try to be friends with my clerks and all that, there are certain boundaries which we cannnot cross. and that is the sucky thing. i have to be an officer at work.
when i go out with my other girl friends, i've gotta be a nice guy. gotta entertain them and listen to them. again, there are boundaries which we cannot cross.
but its only when i go out with my friends, whom i've known for maybe close to 7 years, that i am in my element. its relaxing. for once, every week, i can be myself. i can be the mervyn which i am. i can live freely. i can do whatever i want. its a liberating feeling. and it feels good. it really does. these are good friends. or as antys would like to put it, BROTHERs. nono but recently i'm going to form a cartel. ha. that's a top secret thing, non of that in this confidential blog.

actually there's another person, whom is liberating. who for once lets me be free. knows me well. very well in fact.
but that's another matter altogether, for as liberating as this person is, the sense of liberation i get only serves to entrench me even deeper.
there's a strange dichotomy of people, in that perhaps 2, even 3, maybe 4, people, can be turned into a person. a singular entity. the embodiment of all these people into one entity is actually a cool thing. it fades away all identity and makes it all the more easier for me to live in my own world of illusions. a world in which i believe what i want to believe, and not believe what is reality. but what is reality if not for a brief dream. it feels strangely like the matrix. the way we live life from dream to dream has gotten me so jaded. i need a jolt. a refreshing feeling. something more than this. at this point of time, i need [ ] more than anything else.

a hug would make my day, but is that enough for me. if even for a day, perhaps it would be. at least for that one day, my dreams and reality fade, perhaps even exchange roles such that my reality becomes a dream, and my dream turns into a reality. if only for a day.


this week i suddenly became well-known. my friendster had 41 views. my blog views have gone up exponentially. that's crazy. this is the way we lead lives now. all the online views become a measure of how popular we are. "oh i'm singapore's top blogger because i have 43454323 views a day! i'm cool." all of our constitution has turned into a pair of eyes, viewing online material, which turns into a hit, which translates into numbers. people becoming numbers. that's the best kinda conversion thhat the devil has ever brought to the world.

u know, i was in liquid room just a few hours ago. and whilst listening to that thumping bass and the jazzy snares, the numerous words blasting from the speakers, i realised that perhaps this is all a dumb game. a zero-sum game in which nobody wins. nothing ever happens.

why do we work so hard? i realise i am really a lucky person. i mean, i'm in a rather good family, well to do and all, i'm rather well educated, went to a good school and all. got good grades, in fact, excellent. i'm quite healthy, lead a not so good lifestyle but i'm still ok, and i earn quite alot in the army for a simple job which commands great immense responsibility. this was after talking to my clerks. there's this one who doesn't even have enough money to get thru the month. there's another who leads a sorely sad life with no meaning. there's one who realises the importance of education but does not have time on his side.
and here i am, complaining about my life. what's this.

that's the way the cookie crumbles i guess. i won't say i didnt work hard to get where i am, but the kinda sacrifices which i made to get here. that's something else. we all lead our own lives and choose our own destinies. i have made my choice. and this is where i am. that's all there is to it.

as i listen to the tapping of my keyboard and the gentle whirr of the aircon, it occurs to me that it has reached such a sickening point that i am compelled to end this entry here.

there is just so much to say, if only someone would take the time to listen.
to sit down, and really listen.

p.s. my face moisturiser smells really nice.

mervyn at 2/25/2006 09:11:00 PM

out of sync

help help
i'm out of sync with the world and its stellar movements.
the global energy and its magnetic fields are not flowing thru me
i'm out of sync
everything's going topsy turvy haywire

mervyn at 2/25/2006 01:55:00 PM

Friday, February 24, 2006

mutating expectations

oh and just 2 years ago, i was practically absolutely dying to get into LSE ECONS. like i'd give my heart and soul and kill just to be able to get into LSE econs.

and now i'm unconditionally accepted. i received the letter the other day. and i go, so what?

how different things become. things you don't have, you want terribly.
but things which you get, you happily throw them aside.

and that is just the most frustrating thing of all.
why have things become this way.
why am i that jaded with life.
i've achieved practically all of my goals which i've set out for myself.
4As, LSE, OCS, etc. etc.

BUT WHY am i so unsatisfied and uncontented.
why?

mervyn at 2/24/2006 08:36:00 PM

down and out

recently i've been out of sorts
feeling down and out
feeling a little too off.

feeling much too bad tobe true
feeling like all this has no meaning to it
feeling like its all gonna end up the way it is now

feeling like i've got nothing to look forward to
feeling like its a daily drudgery
feeling a little too short-tempered
feeling a little too quick to react
feeling a little too angsty

and its all been out of sorts.

i need some help.
i need something to get me out of this rut.
and i don't know what.
neither does anyone.
in this world, nobody will help you.
its you and yourself. fighting to stay
afloat.
you've got a million and one things to worry about
a million and one people around you who could help but wont.
and you just can't help but think.
damn, i feel so
alone
what happened to all the promises, the claims of brotherhood and friendship
they've all gone with the messenger wind, the wind which has brought me all these
and left with nothing but wild abandon.

argh. when you're struggling to breathe, it would help if there were someone, anyone, just trying to give you a hand.
but sadly, in this bitch of a world,
there will be
no
one.

mervyn at 2/24/2006 08:20:00 PM

you're unbelievable.

today was a crazy day at work. i dun wannaa talk abt it.

anyways. i've been thinking. and it's so crazy. u'll never know what goes on in my mind. its like all i say is not what i mean. what i really mean is something. but what you think i mean, that's totally another thing.

its too complicated for you to handle. i should speak to you in simple terms. i should stand on the highest hills before you finally understand or even know what i mean.

i guess you're just too caught up in your web to stop and smell the flowers. i'm caught up in my own web to stop and think through my actions. bbecause if i did actually think through it, i'd do what everyone else has been telling me to do. but no. i'm so completely oblivious to your actions that i completely lose myself.

perhaps you're the reason for my frustration. perhaps you're the sigh. you're everything good and everything bad. you're like the spirals from the cigarette. you're the sunflowers which bloom. you're absolutely crazy.
and so am i.

mervyn at 2/24/2006 01:32:00 PM

Thursday, February 23, 2006

got me in your clutch

hies.

today is such a tiring and exhausting day for me. it left me totally flat. seriously.
i was DOO yesterday. which wasnn't really all that bad, but its just boring and a total waste of my time to be sitting there doing nothing. it's terrible living in that confined space of the ops room man.

today, i was rather tired and forgot to sign quite a number of things. aiyah but who cares. anyways, i went back to get some of my stuff and went back to camp. the whole day in camp was quite a drudgery. as in yeah. it was kinda long and draggy and all that nonsense and i was feeling rather pissed off and also very off. its just the way things are mate. some days u win, some days u lose.

after that i had soccer training, WHICH WAS DAMN OFF AGAIN CAN. i so hate it. i mean, i really like soccer training and all that and the girls are cool and all that kinda stuff, but today, maybe its too high level so they don't understand or something. I DON'T KNOW! but anyhows it was damn off. and i'm rather disappointed with today's thing also. i guess we have to get a few things sorted out too. this is so nonsense. hopefully the day will come when everything's sorted out and they play beautifully.

aiya i'm very tired and all today.
i need something else. to get me through this. semi-charmed kinda life.
nono.
its not a song.
i really do.
i need some motivation.
now that i've pretty much lost my only motivation.

mervyn at 2/23/2006 02:53:00 PM

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

i'm your flowervase

hies.
today is a bad day. i am really tired of all the nonsense in the army. i want to get out!
reached home at 7 plus today thanks to a technical glitch which spoiled my entire day.

i'm very glad for the army having the neutral umpire for ippt thing, cos i think its such a brilliant idea! getting a 2LT commissioned officer there, just to witness people doing their IPPT, to ensure that it's fair! it seriously is a good idea, because it will stop cheating! especially when the supervising is a CPT and there are 5 other 2LTs and a few other Warrant officers condoning the act of cheating, such as not straightening your arms after your pull ups, or doing lousy broad jumps! the YOUNG 2ND LT Will definitely speak up and discourage such behaviour! and the best thing about it all, is that to ensure that the wholeee test was fair and square and there was absolutely NO CHEATING INVOLVED, you make the neutral umpire wait to put his squiggles of ink onto the scoresheet! i'm sure that it takes close to 40 minutes to get 4 scoresheets done properly! IT'S SUCH AN EFFICIENT ORGANISATION the SAF. i'm so pleased to be in such a brilliant organisation! such organisational excellence. such brilliant plans. indeed a 3G SAF.

ok. i'm quite pissed about spending 3 hours at the stupid ayer raja camp as a neutral umpire for IPPT, cos of the lousy conduct. they should know to start on time, not tell u 3.30 and start at 4.30. they should know not to spend a million seconds doing the stupid score sheet. it's so simple the whole thing could be finished in an hour, BUT NO! THEY HAD TO LET THIS GUY JUMP AND JUMP AND JUMP AGAIN WHEN ITS OBVIOUS THAT HE SHOULD TRAIN MORE! hey what were u expecting, after he jumped 20 times, an angel will come and carry him and plant him at the 260cm mark?? thhe guy literally jumped more than 20 times! (serious!) and me as a neutral, couldn't do anything, cos that's what the SUPERVISING WANTS! and he only jumped a miserable 207 after all those attempts. come on lah. arghh

and at work, life is getting much more interesting. but nobody asked for any of this kinda interesting and excitement.

on the home front, things are stagnating. its not moving in the right direction that i'd like it to go, and thhat isn't entirely good. but it isn't for the worse either.

and i realised one thing. my life is filled with interaction with women. at work, i work with a whole lot of women. after work, on some days, i go to coach the girl's team, which a whole lot of women once again. after work, on days, i go out with friends, who happen to be girls. after work, whhen i go home, i see my mother, who is a woman. so many women in my life! oh man. what's up with this! i know i said it'd be good if the world was filled with lots and lots of pretty girls, but apparently someone up there misintepreted what i said and gave me this instead! oh man! hahahahaha.

and i was told by one of the girls working in my office today that i have a unreliable face. like a frivolous face. like i wont be serious in a relationship. which isn't a good thing! oh no! that means when girls see me, they think i'm a flirt!! but i'm not! oh no!! its time to go for some plastic surgery.
another female officer in my base said i have a relax face. which isnt all that bad. but i'm really relaxed anyway, so ok, claim substantiated. just smoke weed everyday!

peace out folks, i'm off to bed.

mervyn at 2/21/2006 02:34:00 PM

Monday, February 20, 2006

the liberated are the most free.

heys.
today is a fine day.
brilliantt in fact. going to work felt really breezy. it didnt feel like a monday. it felt like. i dunno, but it felt rather surreal. it even felt like i wanted to go to work for once. what's happenign man.

anyways, i hate the jam at CTE in the mornings. what's the point of putting the bloody ERP, if it serves no purpose in aiding congestion? seriously, they should just do an experiment, and not turn on the ERP for a day. if congestion increases, i'll gladly pay ERP, but i think there'd be absolutely no change nor difference in the road situations. arghh why do we have to pay so much. oh and my parking fines are making me bleed through my nose. i don't have a habit of putting coupons simply cos i usually park in coupon-less places, and when i do, i always forget to put the dumb coupons. and i got 1 ticket on sat, and 1 ticket today! today is the most pissed one, cos i only parked for an hour! this sucks. as in why do we have to fine people for forgetting to put the bloody coupon?! like come on lah, $30 for not putting a $0.50 coupon. come on lah how stupid is that! i'm so pissed with that.

but its ok, the rest of the day was rather peaceful. like totally chill. i kinda like it this way. no boss, no angie. no nobody. but the black society ruled the orderly room today. which isn't very good. but then the orderly room is gonna be the all blacks soon. which again isn't very good. help help help!! nvm, hopes the new manpower comes in soon. and then restructure all the black society away. away! away!!! u know the only reason why they seem so happy in the orderly room is cos they are a society so they can bully everyone else! so sucky. i hate all this bullying. i feel so frustrated to see all this nonsense happening when it shouldnt be happening. its just the army for god's sake, its not the apprentice mates!

ok, after that, i headed down again for the weekly girls soccer training!! ok more than weekly, but weekly just sounded nice. cool. today was quite cool, and they managed to get quite tired, which is totally good. i like people to run around til they get tired. but i was quite pissed today when some of them sat on the field when i gave them a 30 second break. that's nonsense man. what else was i pissed about? i was pissed with the way they were not putting their effort into training, so i decided to give them a nice reminder. after that, they were really on the ball (literally and metaphorically) that's good i guess. i think there's alot more to be done before we're ready to go. i'm kinda worried abt the april thing, its like quite soon. but i think they'll be able to make it lah. they're actually quite good. the way they play now has plenty of supporting play, and their sense of awareness and spreading is good. i like.
some of the girls are quite cute too. but i don't like. cos i'm a family man :D ok ok that's nonsense everyone probably doesnt know what i'm talking about. but its okie! hahahaaha. as long as i know. but i don't know why the dumb girls like to laugh and laugh at everything i say, or do, even if its like not funny. it makes me nervous and makes me duno what to say man. if anyone think its easy talking to a group of many many girls, then go ahead and be my guest! haaahaha


apartt from that, that's all. went for a run when i came back. quite good. oh. today is a good day.

i'm quite tired. i hope tomorrow will be a fine and dandy day too. everyday's a good day when i'm thinking of my coke bottle.

mervyn at 2/20/2006 02:52:00 PM

Sunday, February 19, 2006

how willing

hies.
its rather late and i'd be off to bed soon.
anyways, just came back frm a rather long day.

went to play soccer just now, but got lost thanx to brian. in the end, there wasnt much soccer anyways. then went for dinner at the bedok 85, which was quite cool. not bad. havent been there in a long time.

went off to brian's house after that to get a quick shower. and then went off to meet the xmin. to watch some stupid dick n jane show. which was an utter bore. i was dying in my seat. the girl beside me was rather cute though. i liked her perfume. sweet. actually i like girls who put on just the right amt of perfume. just enough to tempt, but not enough to overwhelm. ohwells, i guess i just like these kinda ambiguity with girls. ambiguous girls :P and to add to that, she looked kinda cute too. sadly, she was with a guy, but i dun think the guy's her bf. so its ok. but then again, haha who cares right.

but i was really tired today, thanks to my lack of total sleep from yesterday's mahjong, in which i slept at 7.30 in the morn. `twas crazy. but yeah. i guess i'll be offf to read the papers and off to bed. i need my sleep. in fact, i love my sleep.

anyways, just something interesting to add.
that day i was talking to this dxo in my workplace, though she doesnt work in my office, and she was telling me this. that u marry someone u can live with, but u wont marry someone u cannot live without.
interestingly, it made sense, but i asked her why anyhow.
so the explanation is liek if u can live with the person, then good. but if u cant live without the person, u'd feel really really miserable at times when the person ain't around. so yeah.
makes rather much sense right.
i guess i could get used to this.

mervyn at 2/19/2006 05:11:00 PM

unfeeling

probably the most conflicting ever.
propensity for love but unloving.
warm, yet cold
hope that leads to further desolation
sweet dreams that creates a depth of emptiness
eyes that speaks volumes but leaves one asking for more.

that's.

mervyn at 2/19/2006 07:46:00 AM

Saturday, February 18, 2006

seriously

ok. them guys are at my house now playing mj, but since i don't really like playing mj, im not really plying man. i'm just stoning.

anyways, today was a really boring day. i woke up real late cos of my adventures yesterday.
i went out and walked around and it was really boring.

and now i'm really bored.
today i just feel so off.

there's only a few things which i realy like to do,
but sadly i can do none of them.

u probably dunno what i like to do.
whatever.
i have a feeling that perhaps. ah, nvm.

ok. that's all for now.
i'm feeling off.

mervyn at 2/18/2006 05:55:00 PM

Thursday, February 16, 2006

endless nights staring at your name.

hi.
today is a really tiring day. cos of yesterday's lack of sleep.

i liked today at the office. it was a really nice and relaxing day. i felt very at ease. very zen-like. i like the aircon in my office. it makes me forget about the endless heat of SINgapore. i don't understand why SG is so hot. its nonsense man. i was sweating like hell after lunch. just give me the cold anytime mate. since i'm already so cold.

but anyways, today was a great day at the office. i signed maybe like 100+ documents that i started to believe that i was a superstar. just signing papers everyday. now i totally understand how stars feel at those autograph sessions man. hahaa...
but anyways.. yeah..

anyways after work, i went off to my girls soccer teaching school! next time i will set up mervyn's soccer school. haha. actually it is great fun teaching them. its really great to see them playing and getting better and better each time. a heartwarming feeling. and they're quite nice and willing to learn. oh wells i guess they'd better be willing to learn otherwise they wouldnt be there. BUT i must say they're really playing rather well for their level at this point of time. some of them can really get the control thing. though not as good as me i must say, but at least its better than nothing. lol that sounded mean. i'm not that good also lah. but anyways. i think i am going to whack them so that they can win.. hahaha... everybody likes to win..

anyways. something cool happened.
for the first time in my entire life.
check out with y`all later mates.
take care.
oh and something very cute happened.
one of the girls in the soccer team sent me an email saying sorry for snubbing me. cos i asked them like "will a soccer ball feel tired?" and one of them replied "yah.. when they do pumping"
hahaha which seriouslyy is one of the funniest nonsense u've ever heard. so after tt i was like joking like "wahlau snub me.."
hahaha den they apparently took it seriously but obviously im just joking.. so she sent me a mail saying sorry for snubbing me.. haha really funny.. cool mate
anywyas im tired.
off to bed mates!

mervyn at 2/16/2006 02:47:00 PM

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

running out of steam.

i'm tired.
very tired.
i'm tired of this whole issue.
its either this or no more.
i think this is time to put a resolution to this (that's what i always say but it sadly never happens.)
really.

anyways. its 2am.
i've got a long day ahead.
gotta be up at 6.
really tired.
and i guess i'd best be off to sleep.

why am i helping everyone solve their relationship and love problems
when my own is not solved by anyone?

cos mine is unsolveable.

mervyn at 2/15/2006 06:34:00 PM

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

sunflowers and a desolate cheesecake.

hi.
today is valentine's day. but i don't care. for the best part of the day i was locked in camp, in the sanitised environment where the amorous relations of the world matter not to me.

it is unlike strolling along orchard road, where roses are a dime a dozen (ok, not exactly, more like $60 a dozen) and the young couples are populating the streets the way they hope to repopulate the whole of singapore with their offspring.

i never liked valentines' day. ever. ever ever ever. i felt it was a waste of time. why do we need a day to be nice, to spend lots and lots of money just to create the romanticism missing in our daily lives? i get enough of it on a daily basis, thank you for your concern, i don't really need a special day for it. valentines' day is really a cheap excuse to increase doctor's salaries through the numerous abortions which will arise from the many mistakes girls will make due to the INTENSE heat and passion created by the candlelight dinners of vday.

but its ok. everyone deserves a chance at romance, if only for a day. i guess i'm jaded because i've seen so much nonsense that it comes to a point where you really don't think much of such stuff. i wouldn't mind being romantic and having nice dinners and all that, but to actually force me to do it just cos everyone else is doing it really spoils everything. i like being spontaneous. i like springing surprises. i like unplanned plans.
i like all these. the anti-thesis of commercialisation and its many planned plans.

ahhh.. the fresh air.. oh and i really had great fun at the girls soccer yesterday. it was a really great session and i could see that them girls are really improving. and this makes me immensely happy. seriously.. u feel like you've done your part.. and the intangible effects are very visible. which is very good. i think they really can win something. seriously. they're quite good.

i had golf today. my back aches. my arms ache. oh man... why do people spend so much on golf. seriously. i think i dun have enough patience for it. it should train my patience well.

yes.
patience is the key.
but where do you draw the line between being patient and being a fool?

i draw the line here.

mervyn at 2/14/2006 03:18:00 PM

sunflowers and a desolate cheesecake.

hi.
today is valentine's day. but i don't care. for the best part of the day i was locked in camp, in the sanitised environment where the amorous relations of the world matter not to me.

it is unlike strolling along orchard road, where roses are a dime a dozen (ok, not exactly, more like $60 a dozen) and the young couples are populating the streets the way they hope to repopulate the whole of singapore with their offspring.

i never liked valentines' day. ever. ever ever ever. i felt it was a waste of time. why do we need a day to be nice, to spend lots and lots of money just to create the romanticism missing in our daily lives? i get enough of it on a daily basis, thank you for your concern, i don't really need a special day for it. valentines' day is really a cheap excuse to increase doctor's salaries through the numerous abortions which will arise from the many mistakes girls will make due to the INTENSE heat and passion created by the candlelight dinners of vday.

but its ok. everyone deserves a chance at romance, if only for a day. i guess i'm jaded because i've seen so much nonsense that it comes to a point where you really don't think much of such stuff. i wouldn't mind being romantic and having nice dinners and all that, but to actually force me to do it just cos everyone else is doing it really spoils everything. i like being spontaneous. i like springing surprises. i like unplanned plans.
i like all these. the anti-thesis of commercialisation and its many planned plans.

ahhh.. the fresh air.. oh and i really had great fun at the girls soccer yesterday. it was a really great session and i could see that them girls are really improving. and this makes me immensely happy. seriously.. u feel like you've done your part.. and the intangible effects are very visible. which is very good. i think they really can win something. seriously. they're quite good.

i had golf today. my back aches. my arms ache. oh man... why do people spend so much on golf. seriously. i think i dun have enough patience for it. it should train my patience well.

yes.
patience is the key.
but where do you draw the line between being patient and being a fool?

i draw the line here.

mervyn at 2/14/2006 03:18:00 PM

Sunday, February 12, 2006

dilemma

u know how some things are?
like when u've already got a dilemma on hand,
and then another variable is added in?

and the screw things up even more, a unsolveable problem is introduced, just to add a little excitement into this whole thing.

so now i'm in a total dillema.

yah.
anyway, the last post was a brilliant poem by an american writer e.e cummings.

i probably wont be able to give any vday gifts to u cos its just wrong, but i guess i can always give a nice poem to u.
i'd even read it to u if u so wish, just give me a call.

but u probably don't even know its you.
you probably think its someone else.
i think so.
and maybe it really is someone else. i'll never know. and neither would u.
so if u think its u, just give it a try and give me a call.
u'll never know if its you til u really give it a try.

mervyn at 2/12/2006 04:24:00 PM

i know you're reading this, so this is a gift for you.

i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

- e.e. cummings.

mervyn at 2/12/2006 09:10:00 AM

Saturday, February 11, 2006

the dawn of an angel.

hi. im like just finished bathing after a crazy night out with the crazy boys at a CRAZY lifesTYLE baSH, where ants got some serious OWNING. THIS is the LIFESTYLE dudeS! crazy mate!

anyways. it was quite fun. UNTIL. until that moment.

after that moment i turned into an idiot. i revived my groove and became a REAL IDIOT. oh mans.

but anyways. that was it.

went for some nice supper after that.
BUT I got stuck in a crazy massive jam which completely wouldn't move cos of an accident after sending ANTS home. i think 4 cars were wrecked and the back of 2 cars were completely torn away! the debris was on all 4 lanes! totally crazy man. i think the person in the car would be like mangled or sometihng. pry his body off the car seat or something. CRAZY dude!

anyways.
today is a really momentous occasion. and its all thanks to the white angel, the beautiful stranger. those eyes which speak volumes. and that angelic face. oh man.
what i'd give for just another glance.

ok. this is just temporary.

i still hold true to what i believe in.

which i think.
will soon be broken too.
sad. really sad.

mervyn at 2/11/2006 09:52:00 PM

ultimate fun.

today was an early day. woke up at like 9. or something like that. to go to nj to play soccer.
and seriously, im glad i woke up early man!

like we went back, and there were quite a few seniors there. ok, the girls soccer clinic was also going on, but like today i decided not to bother with them cos the j2s were conducting some soccer clinic so they can get enrichment points. but seriously i also dunno what to say to them lah. cannot communicate. hahaha.. but then okie lah. then serhwee and james came, den we played soccer. as in serious soccer. with the seniors. whoa man.. its ultimate hardcore man.. we were just playing in the sun like for hours and hours.. and really quite fun.. after reviving the soccer chemistry.. den after tt can play tricks sial.. and it was me! who broke the goal drought.. with my brilliantly placed outside foot goal right into that small spot.. that was a nice goal sial...

after that we played like mad.. til like 1 +.. til i was terribly sunburnt mate! and now im all red man.. crazy.. hahaha...

played abit of field soccer with the girls too, but like it was more like RECRE RECRE soccer kinda thing. like super RECRE la. just walk arnd and dribble the ball walking. like very fun. but they like to crowd around the ball... maybe shd change that.. teach them awareness...

hahaha but overall it was TOTALLY GREAT FUN!! never had so much fun in a day for a really long time.. and we should do this more often man!

and then after tt went for lunch with ms ho james and zak. like quite nice.. for once we decided to treat ms ho... after she always treat us... hahah..

and den she just had to treat us.. so she decided to treat us to coffee.. haha and so we just sat arnd and talk cock la..

now watching the fun club.. really damn funny sial...
den later...
WILL BE THE HIP HOP NIGHT!!!
GOING FOR SOME OWNING THERE!!! hahahahahaaa
no la im a reformed man.
thanks to 0 la. hahaa

mervyn at 2/11/2006 11:44:00 AM

Thursday, February 09, 2006

the day i saw 2 rainbows (and locked myself out of the car)

today was an early start day. like woke up at 530. to go for the MSR run. actually the MSR run ended up to be quite enjoyable in the end. as in. yah. i think i ran a total of 8 km or something. but its actually quite enjoyable. fun. after MSR, went back to camp.
and then i went to joo chiat complex, and den to pasir ris park, and then back to camp again.
which really sucks. feel like a fucking SAF driver. Fucked up man. ok, a high class SAF driver. the sad facts of life as a 2LT. sometimes u just gotta run errands to make things work man. ohwells. i guess i should just accept it.

and then i went back to NJ. for the soccer training.
i felt today's training session really wasn't that good. cos seriously i think it started off quite badly. so it kinda signalled a bad day. like. their movement was all very slow and all. and my instructions was also not very clear cos my thoughts were seriously quite jumbled up today. as in i dunno lah. something's just wrong today lah. i think i was kinda pissed off that they're like so reluctant to play on the field and all. anyway i seriously hope next session onwards things pick up. really. I really want to see these girls winning something. cos i guess i just like to see winning teams. like today's MSR when i ran like hell. only to find out that our team didnt get first cos we must share points with other teams. anywayy, hope they pick up their attitude. and find the inner passion and desire to win in soccer. then maybe something good will come out of it. then i will sell my story to the filmmakers and make a movie.

and then i was really tired. so i headed off to my car.
and when i put all my stuff into the boot. cos i was so tired, AND MY STUPID WATER BOTTLE LEAKED in my bag, and made everything wet, and so, i was seriously tired of everything i just wanted to go home and rest on the sofa or something liek that, and i put everything in the boot, and i closed the boot, and the car auto-locked itself. and the car keys were in the boot!
so i had to wait for my mum to bring the car key all the way to bukit timah, so i could unlock the stupid car.nonsense.
den i went hoem and realised the maid ate my dinner.

BUT I THOUGHT TODAY WOULD BE A GOOD DAY!
COS I SAW 2 RAINBOWS TODAY! IN THE MORNING AND IN THE EVENING! wah lau i'm like how Shen see 2 rainbows in 1 day. And the rainbows were the really semi-circle kinda rainbow. not the half half kinda thing.. WAH lau, like how lucky is that. how many ppl can see so many rainbows!!!
ok but that's besides the point.

and i was stranded at pasir ris park, cos of the really really terribly heavy rain.

aiyah, today is such a bad day. i hope other days become better.

seriously. i dunno why today is like that. argh.

ok but then again.

mervyn at 2/09/2006 03:40:00 PM

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

an addiction is no good for you.

hi.
today was a sufficiently long day. at work. and after work.
i don't know why, maybe its today's stars being misaligned or something. the harmony of the planets is in disharmony. OR Something along that lines. i guess it would be something along that lines.

okie. so, work was a drag, and today, i went to maju camp to buy some stuff from the emart, and it ended up being a very long journey. i think i never wanna go there again. so troublesome. and everything lah. im just getting more and more pissed off day by day.. jaded. and seeing the true reality of things!

had golf after work. not bad. but the thing is that im too tired. and tmr i have to run the Stupid MSR. Argh. i'm so sick and tired of this. but no choice.. we just have to accept everything that comes in our way. anyway i hope im not the last runner in my group. other than that i guess i should have no problems. def`nitely. maybe the only problem would be that the whole route is about 10km? and i really dunno what i'm supposed to do other than run? oh wells.

anyway i think golf is an important game to learn. so my dear friends, please go ahead and learn it. its actually quite fun also. if u play well, that is.

anyways, i realised that the cathay cine is marketing the show, a season for love? and nono its real title is not a season for love, but actually SAD MOVIE. i'm serious. the korean words on the poster literally says SAA-DO MOO-BI (which is korean for sad movie) so, WHY go watch a sAd movie on valentines' day? u all will end up a SAD COUPLE.
screw valentines day man.
fakers!

anyway, tmr is a freak long day. and i'm going to sleep now. i like the way i'm stretching myself out with so many activities. at least somehow i feel my time is being made use of. although most of the time i'm thinking about one thing, but then at least my body is moving and doig something different. which is always good. maybe one day i'll snap out of this and realise how smart i am.
one day i will just volley the soccer ball into your face lah.
yeah!
ONE DAY i will do that. and then i guess i'll be quite happy.

screw it.
u know moulin rouge, how christian felt dating the gorgeous courtesan christin?


precisely.

mervyn at 2/08/2006 01:41:00 PM

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

electricity coursing through my veins

hi. today was quite a happening day.
work, as usual, was work. but somehow its more happening than other days. so ok lah. i'm kept occupied.
today, i realised the gravity of an officers' words, when i jokingly told my clerk to check the airborne course for me, and they really went to do it.. maybe next time i must be more serious... but i dun think so.. that's so not my style.. somehow i dun like to be fierce to ppl.. but when i F ppl... i make sure they get a good F.. so i guess they are still lucky that im still a sleeping tiger.. hahaha..

anyway, this airborne course thing is dumb.. it all dated back to the cadet days.. when we said we will go for airborne after commissioning.. and today... xinwei ignited the fire in me again!!! but i think screw it.. its just a one-day torch.. cos at the end of the day.. what the hell am i doing going for airborne? though i really would like to go airborne, but i'm just a NSF SUPPLY OFFICER. ha so i can go die or something. RIGGER COurse also cannot go. AMMO COURSE ALSO CAnnot go. JUNGLE CONFIDENCE COURSE also cannot go. even as a manpower officer, MANPOWER COURSE ALSO CANNOT GO!!!
i think the only course i can go is standard obstacle COURSE. ok that's just lame lah. but seriously. i think the NS days are to enrich urself...... that's why i'm going to go AIRGRADING. and earn some extra money! YEAAA.
actually if only i could split myself into many pieces. 1 of me will go to uni. 1 of me will sign on as a pilot. 1 of me will go off to start my own business, and 1 of me will just run away and go hide in some deserted island and relax for the rest of my life.

anyways, today, when i went home, i watch southpark. nothing like a little bit of senseless entertainment to take away the stress from your brains.
today, i went grocery shopping twice. very fun. very nice. i like. i should go often. do this kinda relaxing stuff.
after that, i went running. the first time in a long time. and i enjoyed it quite alot. anyways, i've been arrowed at the last minute (again!) to run MSR.
so i shall.
army...

oh wells. today, i was reminded of the officers creed.

i am an officer of the singapore armed forces
my duty is to lead, to excel, and to overcome.

i lead my men by example.
i answer for their training, morale, and discipline

i must excel in everything i do
i serve with pride, honour, and integrity.

i will overcome adversity with courage, fortitude, and determination
i dedicate my life to singapore.


so short. but means so much.
always guiding one in times of doubt.

mervyn at 2/07/2006 03:32:00 PM

Monday, February 06, 2006

floating leaves

hi. today is a long day, so i'm going to sleep soon.
anyways, today was a good start, cos when i went to work, there was a rainbow! and u know my camp is like on the hill, so the view of the rainbow was completely unobstructed, like u could see the whole semi-circle. pity it only lasted for a few splitting moments, but it was good enough for me to savour the moment. and the rainbow was really nice. as in the colours were so clear and all and the background sky was totally baby blue. man. it was a nice moment.

today's msr trianing went on quite smoothly except for the dumb supervising which was missing, but lucky joshy managed to find one supervising for me in the end.. otherwise i'd die.. ok i won't die. but i'll be taking a risk. but today, really hard to find OCs or anything like that. jsut when i thought i had everything covered... oh well.. every time is a learning experience.

anyway, today at work was quite normal. very routine things. same old same old. im almost done with the angels and demons book which i'm reading, and the ending isn't very good. but its ok. ha..

anyway, i think i've got a headache from work. think my vision is being affected which results in a headache. but anyway, today something happened at work, which got me thinking.. dun think i shud talk abt it here.. but then.. i think this is a rather tricky situation.

after work, headed over to teach the girls socccer team how to play football!!! ok i sounded really stupid saying "today, we're gonna learn how to pass balls!" but the truth is that they really dunno how to pass balls Properly! its like going to a dining table and telling people "today, we'll learn to use chopsticks!" seems like second nature, but some people really dunno it. and its quite hard to teach also. but i think at the end of it, u could see they were having fun and they were getting better, and i guess that's quite encouraging and at the same time, satisfying. i could get used to this! it was quite fun teaching them too. hahaa.. BUT there's never a dull moment when mervyn's around that's for sure!

anyway. i think that's all for today. there's not one day that passes without thoughts of her. but today i thought of many things. but nobody said its a bad thing!
its all good y`all!
but how i wish i could be there when u need someone, to catch you if you should fall, to run alongside you and hold your hand.
but i guess i cant.
so.


goodnight my goodfellas! til next time!

mervyn at 2/06/2006 01:33:00 PM

Sunday, February 05, 2006

the existence of an angel.

hi. its raining terribly heavily now. like absolutely pouring. its as if the rain drops suddenly grew in size and decided to fall bigger. and the amount of raindrops increased too. which makes it absolutely crazy.
yeah. just returned from the airport and the way back was filled with tremendous pouring rain. crazily heavy.

anyways today was another lazy day. this was a lazy weekend. i think its not bad. if not for the fact that my mind was running itself crazy. haahaa.. but i'm pretty much resigned to my fate and quite accepting of whatever there is.

its funny. it really is. hm. how do i put my thoughts down into words?
how do i articulate all that is running through my mind?

anyway, i think i've pretty much sorted out all that was cluttering me, and i have come up with a clear vision and goal in mind. although this wouldn't be an easy thing to achieve, but i think it is the one thing which i truly want. actually thinking about it, it really is difficult. but who said anything would be easy? its just like a nice glass of wine or something. it had to undergo years and years of waiting in the oak barrels. it wasn't easy, but the final product is sweet. and i think this will be sweet too. afterall, it is not a fly-by kinda thing. it is a lifetime thing! an opportunity of a lifetime :)

but owells.

it was nice listening to lush in the car today. very surreal experience. the music was really good. the downtempo chillout kinda thing. and the rain just falling and all. and the wiper moving and all. and the roads were just like flashing by. it was really surreal driving home.

anyways, at the airport, i saw some nice husbands sending their stewardesses wife off. and i realised its quite sad to have a stewardess wife. like always apart. den like so sad. seeing ur wife go off to work on the plane.. and all that... and den she's alone in a foreign land.. oh man... how sad..

aiyah but the saddest of all is still me lah
:(
okie goodnight i wanna bathe!

mervyn at 2/05/2006 03:39:00 PM

Saturday, February 04, 2006

choose your destiny, chase your dreams.

hi. i better blogthis! before all my brain cells die.
why will they die? better not to say than to say.

ok, but anyway, today was a nice lazy day. i had a great, fabulous dream. reeally absolutely wonderful. i think one of the best dreams ever. i think u could put it on repeat mode and i'll never get bored. in fact i'll sleep all the time just to dream about this! well. what was it about? haha.. if u're smart u probably will be able to guess. if u're dim, then too bad! ha. but ok. i woke up a happy guy.

and then i lazed around for a day. going around the place doing stuff. and oh i played abit of golf today. though i'm not very good, but its not bad. cool stuff. i had a nice dinner. so overall. it was a nice daY~!!

that's sounds pretty bimbotic.
anyway today i got myself into some engagement which would pretty much take up much of my time. WHICH IS GOOD! cos if i have too much time i will start thinking about... things. AND realise how sad my life is. which is NO GOOD.
ok basically, today, i confirmed and said. ok, i'll help out in coaching the girls' soccer team. actually its damn funny. coaching a girls' soccer team? like communication barrier. like i'm unskilled. like hey!! i dunno wad to do. but nvm. its a learning experience. everything is a learning experience.
actually, why do i do it?
well, its for the job satisfaction. and to learn. and to take up my time. cos i really have nothing to do with my time nowadays. maybe i should start looking for a girlfriend to spend my time. but who says girlfriends are to spend your time! contrary to popular belief, they're to spend your money in the least time possible! haaha just kidding! ok, so i must find a girlfriend who can spent the least money in the most time possible! maximise returns!! ahahahaha.. ok girls so submit ur applications to mervyns@gmail. thanks! :D

anyway, recently, alot of people have been interested in my love life, and have been wondering WHAT KINDA GIRLS DOES MERVYN LIKE? welll.
since that is the case.. i shall enlighten the interested fellas so u all can submit applications and stop asking me what kinda girls i like!!

1. the girl must be able to hold good conversations with me!
ok this sounds simple, but it isnt. firstly, she must be smart enough to talk smart stuff with me, but then not too smart that she irritates me with her mathematical formulas or her biological diagrams or her graphs or her whatever nonsense theories. BUT she mustn't be so dumb that she doesn't know what the hell i'm talking about.

2. she must be nice. as in genuinely nice from the bottom of her heart. not the nice cos i want something from u kinda nice. not the fake nice. not the nice cos she likes u kinda nice. the really nice kinda nice. the kind that is so nice that everyone bullies kinda nice. THAT KINDA NICE. but not that i like a girl tt everyone bullies lah! as in i'm just using it for explanation and elaboration purposes.

3. she must be interesting. as in hhave a life. not the kind that. has no life. the kind whose life revolves around school. or a single-track mind. or something like that. she must be dynamic! but not so dynamic that she's split between so many things that she's torn apart.

4. her eyes are reallly important. she must have the kinda eyes that speaks volumes when i look into them. man! that's an intense feeling man. just looking into her eyes. and whoaaaaaa. ok i don't know how to put it down in words, its probably too powerful to be put down in words and if i start getting literary here people might just say i'm a poseur.

5. good fashion sense. very important. because i have good fashion sense too (i think) or at least try to dress properly. erm. a fresh breath helps too. hahaa.

6. x-factor. :) probably the key. and its just the way the whole package comes together. yeah. brilliant.

looking at this extensive list, its not hard to imagine why i've been single for so long! hahahaahahaaahaahaa... but its ok, just like college applications, its the time of the year to apply once again, to ensure that i don't remain dateless on valentines day. haahahaaahaa....
ok. that's pretty much it for the day. and as predicted at the start of the entry, my brain cells are dead. wonder why i have to deal with idiots on a daily basis. and nice people come only once in awhile. crap. but nvm, i live my life on a once in awhile basis. haha.
this is afterall.
a dream.

mervyn at 2/04/2006 05:01:00 PM

merv in front of big slope

mervyn at 2/04/2006 11:15:00 AM

Friday, February 03, 2006

unlock?

hi. i'm back home. after a long day. which started off stupidly cos i had to conduct MSR training, which i so totally didnt know how to, and i've never seen it being conducted before and all that crap. i hate this nonsense!
but then ok lah everything was fine by mid-day. today was a mad rush. actually. yah. but i managed to go with the flow and relax. i realised the office is very peaceful if only the clerks are left. the black society should go too. not very nice of me to say this but even though i've been in the office for just awhile.. can see that they are like -censored-

anyways, work was as usual, boring.

so anyways, today, after work, i headed down to orchard, to watch CHINGAY! nah i'm just kidding. i headed down to orchard to meet the jace to watch memoirs of a geisha. at cine. which honestly, wasn't that good, cos the book was much much much better. the movie just ended up... like a bad misintepretation of the book. could have done so so so much better. but the scenery in the movie was rather picturesque. the cinematography was not bad too. but i think zhangziyi kinda sucked. its quite absurd to put her as sayuri. she doesnt exert the necessary charm and quality which sayuri has. she ends up looking like a cheap desperate girl. rather than the exquisite, longing geisha.

anyways, after the movie, the streets was filled with all the chingay-watchers. seriously, what's so nice abt the chingay? ok lah i understand some people really like to watch it... like -censored- but then again, i mean like.. its just people on floats dressed up and waving around the place. ok lah but singaporeans are rather deprived and even these kinda small stuff will make them happy. BUT NOT ME! i wasnt happy! cos the roads were blocked! u couldn't even cross the bloody road! so much for street parties and revelry singapore! it could probably qualify as the longest fenced up road in a shopping district.

anyways, walked around with the jace, with no goal or intention in mind, so we ended up walking here and there and here and there and ended up nowhere. and the jace says that she's gonna walk home! from orchard! so we made a nice little bet. which i think she will lose in the end because its quite impossible or rather unbelievable. OH WELLS. but anyways. headed off to the quaint little airport, which wasn't that nice. after getting used to seeing it from a plane window. i think its not so nice in the airport as it is outside, like the coastal stretch or something. at least u get to see the planes taking off and flying. i like to see planes take off. vrrrooooom......... i wanna go fly a plane. vrrrooooooooooooooooooom.......
and then after that we headed HOME!

actually the jace is quite a nice girl. quite a clickity girl... but she's a funny girl. why's she funny? that's for me to know!
ha! THE jace. ha, but actually quite nice lah. different from other girls. people like XXXXX and XXXX. irritating idiots. xm's not a girl so u know i'm not referring to u :) but the rest of the girls... tsk tsk.. terrible.

anyways. XM is going to kills me soon. cos i didnt go out with her because i was going out with the jace! but she only asked me this AFTERNOON. so she deserves it. I'M LIKE the ahlam the manwhore liek the last minute nonsense! okok i better stop it abt xm, or my head might just roll. but anyway XM is such a busy bitch tt u'll never know with her. ok i just deleted something tt i wrote cos it might offend half the uni population. and we know which half it is.

anyways, that's about it. LET'S hope tmr is a happening day. a MOS-filled day. or it can be a peaceful chill out relaxed day. i think i prefer a peaceful day. yea. let's chill man. i like chilling out. awesome.

ok remind me to talk abt my investments and the gardener next time.
off to bed now.
lots of <3 mates!

mervyn at 2/03/2006 06:28:00 PM

Thursday, February 02, 2006

no holds barred

i think this is the end of my education.
i think i've finally learnt the truth abt the whole issue.

and i'm quite disappointed. ok not really disappointed, but then again. there are many factors to the whole thing.

u know i always thought its really easy to pretend and fake and all that. but nonono it is very very very difficult. mentally strenous. emotionally exhausting. physically rather demanding.
so at the end of the day, what u need is. a natural. a immense flair. passion.
sometihng which is very hard to get. close to zero. zilch.

anyway today i asked myself a qstn. if someone else were to switch roles with me, would he/she be prepared to do the same for me as i am for him/her? and then if he/she were, then i'd do the same.
but today i found myself inevitably doing something which he/she wouldn't be doing. or at least i don't think so.
so...
i'm a funny guy.

SO I HAVE DECIDED TO screw the world cos im sick and tired of all this nonsense.
need some help!

mervyn at 2/02/2006 03:56:00 PM

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

something inside me

hi. today is a tiring day at work. why? cos i dunno why maybe its the first day aty work or something but it was really tiring for me.
add to the fact that there was really nothing much to do at work, oh man i almost died. the time just crawled like. 10 times slower or something.
lucky i had the angels and demons book. otherwise i'd just sit there and die.
headed to my aunt's house to bai nian after work, and that left me sufficiently tired.
so i'm going to sleep soon.
i'm real beat.


u know sometimes at the end of a real tiring day, all u want to do is just chill out and have some nice ppl tell u some nice stuff and all that? but instead u end up with some bloody bull CRAP FROM IDIots who have notihng nice to say.
argh.
but then again, the nice ppl with nice stuff to say. probably won't say it.
LIFE'S LIKE THAT.
its a crazy bitch and then we all die.

u know its funny. sometimes we can have everything in the world.
but the only thing we want, we don't have!

ok.
i am going to play my guitar for awhile
then im going to sleep.
okie goodnight!
im sufficiently irritated tonight.

mervyn at 2/01/2006 03:03:00 PM