Thursday, March 30, 2006

so sick.

hey sup y`all. all my homies in da club tonight. sup y`all. chill dudes.

today was a slack day at work. i reallly really. really. damn switch off today at work. i basically just slacked arnd and played with the net and all that. and i left at 3. ya...that's how it was. but why is it that i feel really tired all the time nowadays.
i think i'm gonna die soon. all these signs point to my early demise. that's it. if you got any last words for me please try to tell me soon. or u might not be able to tell me anymore. or rather, i might not be able to hear it. u can still tell me lah.

i came home and rested awhile and headed off to bras basah to buy the stuff for the dumb guestbook thingy. all these army wayang nonsense. cannot take it anymore.

i realise that there's really a difference. its an extremely noticeable difference. arghs. ppl should just stop being so full of themselves and erm just know their role and just shut it. u dun see me being so full of myself and un-self-conscious do u?
argh. irritated. really really really irritated tonight.

anyways, its nice tonight. if only for a little hope. hope is the fuel which drives the human spirit. and i'm pretty much down and empty at this point of time. even a little fuel is sufficient.
thats the only thing which can bring a smile to my face. seriously, as in it really does bring a smile to my face.
other than that.
there's nothing.

hahas. i duno what i'm talking about.

:) it's gonna be a good day tmr!

mervyn at 3/30/2006 03:44:00 PM

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

an exercise in absentia.

i'm finally home. today was a long day for me. i had work. work was quite tough. there were many things to do, but clever me did them all nonetheless. sometimes its difficult being an officer. but at the end of the day, officers are the one to provide the direction to move the army. so we just gotta do what we gotta do man.

anyways, at the end of the day, i rushed home and rushed off to give tuition. i found a tuition stint that pays $350 a month. not a bad deal seriously, just to sit there and talk abt stuff which is liek common sense to me. only that talking for 2 hours is quite a feat. but that's besides the point. when i get bored and frustrated all i have to do is think about the money and that's sufficient. i just need 2 tuition stints a month and i'm pretty much doubling my army pay. ha! beat that SAF. and besides, talking abt econs is just something which comes naturally to me. though im a little rusty at this point of time. but it's all good. tuition is good money man. come tap on my brains. hahaha..

and then i went off to the Zak Oh U K. not too bad. it was nice meeting up with my old buddy. enjoyable. anyways i'm rather tired. and that's about it. its funny how i can be in the ZAK oh U K but all i can think about is you. everyone i see looks like you. all i can think about is how nice it would be if you were around. but you can never be around. not until .

anyways, i wanna see my car soon. i need my car dude. hahaha.. okies. that's about it dude.
i ain't go tmuch to say toda.y i'm really quite tir.d need. my sleep.
tomorrow's anothe rlong day.

the only consolation is friday will be da bomb. ;) check it out.

mervyn at 3/29/2006 09:00:00 PM

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

all the miles seperate

today was quite an off day. at work, i did some stuff. but i really dun understand how people can woork day in day out doing stuff that they don't like. i mean, even if i were desperate for money or something, i'd choose something which gives me joy. why do so many people sign on in the army man. and how the hell did i end up where i am now?

i'm like a f1 car, like i can give u sudden bursts of power and all but i need lotsa refuelling. i'm not like those toyota altis or vios car which gives u lotsa mileage but no power. my job now is the kind which needs lotsa mileage and little power. i can give u lotsa power but i can't give u mileage cos i need lotsa excitement in my life. not the daily drudgery which faces me when i step into the door.

anyways, i spent the afternoon screwing around and it was totally so boring. the seconds dribbled like lukewarm candlewax. i slept for awhile though. finally i get a chance to sleep in the office. though it wasnt a peaceful sleep cos i was afraid someone might just walk in any second. luckily they didnt. sighs. life is so boring. i wishhed i were in school. i wished i could spend these 2 years of NS in NUS/NTU and then the next 3 years i could go on overseas to the US/UK. hell. for the time wasted by NS (almost equivalent to 2.5 years) i could complete my bachelors man. argh. i am so irritated. what a waste of my talent. its not like i'm doing anything useful in the army anyways. or rather, its like my utmost potential is being under-utilised. i should be doing something more useful. anyways, i really think the DXOs in my office are really useless buggers. i don't mean all, but a few. its like, one talks on the phone for the WHOLE DAY, and i'm really not exaggerating ok. everytime i walk out and see, SHE'S ON THE PHONE! wtf, she might as well go work as a telephone operator if she really lieks talking on the phone so much. another one just screws around and does nothing useful. and when i ask her to do stuff she gives me a screwed up look. and doesn't do the stuff properly. like after asking her to do a simple thing for so long, she hasn't got it done, so today i decided to do it myself and i got it done immediately. what a useless idiot. the other just knows abt cosmetics and all that bimbo stuff. aiya whatever. i'm sick of all this crap.

we all need something to take us away from all this nonsense. pity what i need isn't readily available. so i run. but running has not given me much anyway. i need something else. to get me through this semi-charmed kinda life.

what else should i say? nothing much. i don't have much to say anymore.
anyways, i've gotten over the fact that pretty much alot of ppl read this place. even angie reads this! amazing. i bet even my office guys read it.
i guess its all about content control, and damage management. shouldn't say damaging stuff like erm... someone sucks or something here.
but who cares.
u wnana read that's ur problem.
i wanna write, that's mine.

oh yah, i wanted to blog about how i find the elections saga so irritating, but perhaps i'll leave that for another time. since i've ranted enough for this post already. i don't wanna ppl to think i'm a bitch right. though i am lah. no lah i just have strong opinions about things. I'M THE KINDA ppl the PAP needs! the opinionated kind! but i wanna tell people i'm not a PAP man! i'm mervyn tan!

Look, in order to establish yourself later on as an MP, you must not come across as a 'yes' man. Come across as Sitoh Yih Pin, who has got a view, who has got a voice; - PM GOH.

okies. goodnight. bye.

mervyn at 3/28/2006 02:14:00 PM

Monday, March 27, 2006

pure morning.

today is a horrible day. cos i was damn tired and stoned. but i guess i'm fine now.
but i need to sleep soon i guess. i need my sleep.

i'm gonna burn my cd and go to bed.

mervyn at 3/27/2006 02:43:00 PM

Saturday, March 25, 2006

your smile brings a smile

today is a tiring day. i need more sleep. which i will be getting in a short while's time.
i spent the whole of the morning playing soccer.
i am addicted to soccer. i realise that perhaps being in the sun is not such a bad thing after all. it gives me pink, rosy cheeks. and a healthy tan. i realised that i look nicer with a tan. but i realised that i don't look nice with tanlines. i will start walking around in the sun naked to avoid the unwanted tanlines.

okies. erm after that, i went home to sleep. and i slept til the evening, where i was due for another appearance at orchard. and then it stretched all the way til now. and now i'm home and i'm going to sleep soon. how soon? really soon. today was quite a nice day.
as in quite fun and all. i cancelled on my appearance with the soccer camp people for the simple fact that it was badly planned and i don't like going for activities which are badly organised. i had no clear role. i don't like to be the extra guy. if you need me around, i'm gonna be around, but make sure there's something important for me. or i'll get pissed. very pissed. and i might just kill some people when i get pissed. ok. i'm not that violent actually. its just onomatopeia.
the literature self within me is awakening. i'm speaking better english and having better imagery. in fact, i used a fair bit of it during work the other day - "positive publicity plan"
and people have started remarking that i sound literary! which is good! its time to awaken the societal merv, and keep away the army merv. it's time for my civilian re-integration plan to start. though i have a long time before i tear myself away from the shackles of the saf, i will still embark on this plan in order that i may fully be free when i should be. i don't want to be stuck in the ridiculous fallacy of many guys, whom boast about their army life even after they're out of the army. these are the same people who were counting down the days to ORD. yes yes, glorious past. the glourious past should just be left with the glorious dead.

today, i did something nice. i was happy. but i could be happier. maybe next time. there's always places where we can start from, opportunities to explore, and skies that we could soar. if only we wanted to. if only we tried.
so from now on, i will try my very best. since when have i not given my very best?

that's about it for now. i can't wait for april to come. i really can't. i hope this week flies past. please just fly past. its not that i don't like this week. it's just that i ain't got no patience to whilst this week away. i need some speed. i like speed. i'm addicted to speed. i need efficiency on the roads, i need efficiency in my runs, i need efficiency in eating, i need efficiency in work, now i need efficiency in life. so just push the button and let's get on with the week already.

okies. i think that's about all for now.
i need my sleep. i really love my sleep. cos that's the only time when my dreams are realistic.
and only in my dreams can miracles happen. they can happen in real life too, but not very often. when it happens in real life, its like a dream. so why don't we just stay in our dreams?
i also love my sleep because it recharges me and makes me beautiful. hahaa. makes me look youthful. i hope.
so that's all for now,
good night and erms i'll see you soon enough.

mervyn at 3/25/2006 07:25:00 PM

Friday, March 24, 2006

what would i be without you

today was a tiresome day at work. i only left at like 5.45 even though we end at 5 on fridays. cos of some dumb GS/OPs conference which really wasn't concerning me of any sort. ohwells, but at least its a friday. so i'm alright. anyways im dying of lack of the loud hip hop noises man. withdrawal symptoms of clubbing.. die die die help mee hahaha..
nvm i will survive. its not a good time to club anyways. the JCs are having their exams. oh, which have ended today! OH NO LETS GO OUT NOW. okie i'm kidding.
the UNIs, which make up a large portion of the crowd, are having their exams, til like forever. so there's no uni.s but the polys are in full force! ok lah but the bottom line is i'm not going today, so check that out dude. what am i doing tonight? that's a secret ;)
hahaha being secretive gives ppl alot of wrong ideas, but to hell with it. i ain't gonna reveal that much. especially when big brother is watching! hahahas.
okies i really miss the hip hop music. HEY DJ KOFLOW WHERE'S U AND UR MIX DUDE!

anyways, i was just thinking the other day, there's 2 kinda officers, the fierce kind and the friendly kind. obviously, with my character, i can't get nowhere being the fierce officer simply because i've got too much goodness and kindness and friendliness in me to be too fierce all the time. so i'm a friendly guy. but as a friendly officer, there's always the thin line between being too friendly with your guys. so i thought, do i wanna be a not that friendly, but firm officer, or do i wanna be a friendly, but not that firm officer? then i thought. as an officer, you're only around for 1, max 2 years. so what if u gonna be a firm officer for those 2 years and the guys listen to u for those 2 years and after that, u never hear from them after they (or you) ord. good friendship lasts a lifetime! and so i decided that ok, maybe even if i cross the line, it ain't that bad. at least they get their work done. leadership ain't about fear or subordination or all that sorta shit. leadership is about influence. and influence doesn't look at rank. it looks at the person you are. annd i hope i'm doing alright so far. i feel i'm doing ok lah, not ttoo bad.
and that's all for the moment.

ahhhh i can't get you off my mind! SOME HIPHOP TO NUMB MY BRAIN PLEASE!

mervyn at 3/24/2006 12:51:00 PM

Thursday, March 23, 2006

sucker love is heaven sent

hies. today was a crazy day at work. for the first time in my life, the office was at full force. whoa. it was one helluva chaotic dude. like in a warzone! it was mentally taxing and strenous and after awhile u just go crazy man.
but this morning i was at SMU for an admissions interview.
mere formalities methinks. how could there ever be a shadow of a doubt over whether smu would accept me? they might even pay me to go study there to raise the standard there. but no way dude. i dun think i'm ever ever ever gonna go to smu. as in seriously lah its not my kinda thing man. i dun like to study in the city. i prefer some quiet and solitude. just liek where i am now, tucked away in the corners of bukit timah. nice scenery. quiet. nice. serene surroundings. they could build a mansion there man. they should! then i can live there for the rest of my lives.

but come on lah, as in seriously, i seriously thrash the other applicants lah. even my resume is like so much longer alr. and the interview was crap. seriously, how much can u tell abt a person from that short 15 minutes with like 5 ppl in the room all being interviewed at the same time. shows how much SMU cares man. wanna act cool and hip hop and all but in the end its all an act man.

anyways after that went back to the office. and that was it.

qiling was very lucky today cos she msged me like just as i was abt to reach nj. so she's quite lucky. idiot. only msg me when she wans to borrow money. yaaayaa whatever. okie la lets not be so mean to her. im really quite mean to her she must be quite sad!

went out with the xmen where i believed i was living in the matrix man. early for once! cool dude! anyways i watched V for Vendetta, which was seriously out of this world cool. really. really really nice show. but abit too blatant concept. oh wells.

i miss !

that's all for todays.
imma rather tired and sleepy.

mervyn at 3/23/2006 05:08:00 PM

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

a special kinda something.

its wedneday.
wednesday is somewhat a not here and not there day. it makes some feel kinda sad. liek the week is so draggy. but for me, wedneday is a happy day! it is the start of the partying period of the week! see, wedneday is mambo, thursday is ladies night, friday is friday, and saturday is saturday!
no lah but i'm not a party guy. which explains why i'm home now. ok, i'm just too tired actually.
but wednesday is like the u-turn of the week. like we've got past those monday blues and those draggy tuesdays, its now on to wedneday, and then thursday is like omg so close just one more day, and friday is ZOOOOOm we're off to a rolling start on the weekend! let's get the party started!!

okies. today at work was a sleepy day. felt rather tired. coupled with the heavy rain. oh mans. but ok lah. work was a quiet affair. i like quiet affairs. i hate it when everyone else is in office, and that just irritates the hell out of me.

yeahs. so went home and all that.
dinner was kinda goood. that's all.
that's pretty much it for today.
rather short, but sometimes i duno.

hmms. i'm really quite tired today. i donno why i'm so tired nowadays. its been a long time since i've gotten that kinda energy rush man... something i need.
anyways. i've been pretty fine. cept at times. the kinda sudden melancholy hits me like a cold sharp languor. and then i feel kinda sad abt things. but things are pretty much okie the way they are. this is crazy man.

okies. i liek this lifehouse song.
okeis goodnight. i'd best be off to bed before i fall asleep on my laptop. i already spend enough computers a day in front of a computer.

mervyn at 3/22/2006 04:03:00 PM

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

naturally sweet.

hies. how time flies. it's 11.43 and i didnt even know it! if i knew it i'd be asleep.
how the hell it ended up to be so late without my realisation only i would know.

today was anotherday at work. went for my eye check at NUH again, and apparently my eyes are realllllllly thin. so i don't know what the outcome of the thing would be. had to rush back to give a talk to like 100 recruits. some unit induction programme thing. well apparently i don't think it's very useful to them, but maybe that's cos all the things sounds kinda commonsense to me. maybe they found it useful, but judging from the look on their faces, maybe not. but perhaps all recruits have the same stoned, blur look. i think i'd go mad if i were a pc in BMT. facing recruits everyday.. i'd just knock them down and all that. i prefer my kinda life now. talking to normal ppl. with a dash of office politics added in, going around the place like you know the world.. that's not too bad really. haha. yeah.

had a nice dinner at adam road. yummmyyyyy... and that was it.
went home and slacked and took a walk. and all that kinda stuff. kinda cool. went for a nice relaxing run too. nice. i like.
life should be this good. or even better.

just now when i went for a run i saw some stuff.
annd then i thought about you. how are you now? we haven't talked for really long. it seems so weird. to just cut off conversation like that.
it seems absurd.
why have things turn this way. but nobody's complaining, its all in the laws of nature.
aiyah i guess things are as such and there's pretty much nothing anybody could do about anything.
its so frustrating this thing.

anyways tomorrow is a happy day at the office. it will be EMPTTYYYYY.
and we know how happy i become when the office is empty. smiles all around dudes!
k goodnight.

mervyn at 3/21/2006 03:46:00 PM

funny news

check this out on channel news asia man.

Fandi Ahmad and wife lend support to public awareness campaign on sex

with a wife as hot as that... who'd have problems in bed?!
and to think THEY are going to help couples address their bed problems
Celebrity couple Fandi Ahmad and Wendy Jacobs are putting their faces on a campaign to help couples deal with problems they may have in bed.

The campaign aims to promote a healthy love life between couples, and encourages discussion on erectile dysfunction.

It hopes to help men and their partners overcome communication barriers when seeking treatment for their erectile problems.

yEAH i'm sure u could have erectile dysfunction with wendy jacobs in bed. if i had erectile dysfunction with wendy jacobs in bed, i'd be treated for homosexuality, not erectile dysfunction dude!!!

mervyn at 3/21/2006 12:54:00 PM

Monday, March 20, 2006

we could have it so good.

today's a monday, and as usual, everyone has them monday blues with them. i'm no exception. its hard to kick start the engine in the start of the week, but that's what we all get for 2 days of unslaved living a week.
i think i have to do something which allows me to work from 9 am - 3pm everyday next time when i grow up in order to live properly. i don't want no 8 to 5 job man.... that will kill me..

okies. so today was quite a sad day at work. i just sat there and stoned. stoned so much that i got a headache. and now i still have a headache. today is quite tiring though. i spent the bulk of the day on the i-net comp reading forums. i spent half my morning writing my nus admissions essays. why do i have to write essays? i already have 4As, let me in already! but as usual, being the elitist i am, i don't wanna go to FASS and share the whole faculty with 18 majors. i wanna be in my own faculty! hahaa.. ok sorry that's total nonsense.

after work i was caught in a massive jam but i fell asleep. but that's ok cos my mum was driving! haahaa misled you there didn't i!?

ooh anyways the day has ended quite well and i'm gonna have an early nght and go sleep somewhere like now. i can wake up at 9 tmr! cos i've got a med appt at NUH at 1030!! but i've gotta go give some talk to those recruits tmr afternoon. sucky. i don't like recruits. they like to crowd up the clubs. so much so that you can't find me in the clubs. hahaha. ok. i'm being lame cos i'm listening to in da club by 50 cent.
yeah, it's ur birthday. we gonna sip bacardi like it's your birthday!

anyways, there's just so much that we could do together. i've got it all planned out in my mind. but such fantasies exist only in my mind. the actual reality is pretty much bleakness. so yeah dudes its all nonsense.

sighs. that pretty much sums up everything. i know so much, but its all mundane. meaningless. in the end, all i know amounts to nought. i know nothing.

and i'm going to sleep. ohs and someone linked to my blog and said it's entertaining. IS IT? i think my blog is rather boring. as in seriously. its quite boring what. what's so entertaining about this blog? the fact that i'm writing it? ok. laugh at me.
go ahead.
yah continue laughing whilst i go to bed.

mervyn at 3/20/2006 02:30:00 PM

Sunday, March 19, 2006

left my mind with you

this weekend was a busy weekend. reallly powerpacked jam packed. but it was a fruitful weekend nonetheless. but if every weekend was like that i'd crash and burn and die.

i dun really think i wanna elaborate much on the whole weekend, but let's just say it was really really good, but could have been better if there were one technicality. ha. okie there's really not much i can reveal here. i'm a top secret kinda guy living in a unrestricted world.

when u write something on paper, it might mean just mere writing to someone. i think to me, a piece of writing reveals alot of things. it reveals ur personality and the attitude behind the person writing it. the deliberately dotted i's, the casually drawn s's, the tender strokes through the t's. the way the person deliberates after a word can even be seen from the blob of ink collected at the ennd of the word. brilliant. that's why we must all get a good writing instrument to write with.

this week, alot of questions ran thru my mind. but the answers i can't give.
at work, i'm the king of answers. everyone looks for me for answers. but now i can't even answer my own questions. ok la, but my questions are weird questions. things which shouldn't, but have to be asked. i like this. it works my mind.

i injured my leg. ouch.
this weekend, i didnt go clubbing. yay. i'm a good boy. but im suffering from withdrawal syndromes la so i just play them hip hop songs at home. ha.

that's the dutty dutty love.
i like that song man. its currently playing on my itunes. i like.

ok. nothing much.
i feel that this is going somewhere, but somewhere will eventually lead me to emptiness. this path is like a ever-descending staircase. its like since u've already gotten so far u wont wanna go up. but u just keep going on and on with no end and it brings u lower and lower. and its just a vicious cycle.
should i get out of it?
the song on my itunes now just answered my question.
byes. and goodnight.

mervyn at 3/19/2006 03:44:00 PM

Friday, March 17, 2006

everybody searching for soul

todays was a crap day at work thanks to my boss and janus. nuff said.

anyways, i like today cos i had a massive family dinner. which was rather enjoyable. i like.

however i'm starting to fall sick. coughing like i've got lung cancer. and my nose is running. and i don't look in too good a condition. oh wells. lets hope i recover soon.

got soccer tmr morning.

ohs, and fort minor is good. i like their song petrified.
this is a short entry.
i don't know why either.
but somehow i'm rather lost for words.
that's all. for now.
take care dudes.

mervyn at 3/17/2006 05:30:00 PM

Thursday, March 16, 2006

stop blurring the lines

i'm so tired. i just got home.
soccer today was very tiring. maybe cos i slept only 2 hours the night before. i really need some serious sleep. need to dream some sweet dreams to get my energy and morale back.

work today was kinda alright. i chionged everything i had to do in the morning, so i pretty much finished my work at like 9+ but then today was JANUS migration so the office became a market. but very few ppl actually came today, so it's really. really. really good. peaceful. serenity. and angie must get out of my office before i can hang my disco balls and turn my office into a hip hop hole. anyways, its same old same old. didnt get a chance to sleep though. felt bad sleeping.

so i whiled my time listening to music.
what would i be without you.
i only think about you
i know you're tired of being lonely.
so baby girl put it on me.
this kinda hip hop songs.
THERE'S a shodown at MOS today featuring dj RATTLE dj TANG and dj WILL, but sadly i can't go cos im freaking tired i'm like going to die soon.
argh,. i like shodowns.

ok. that's all for today. i'm really really tired. so tired that i almost crashed my car whilst driving home. so tired that my signature doesn't look like my signature. so tired that i might actually write sometihng stupid here.
so i better stop here
before i reallly say something stupid
something stupid like

mervyn at 3/16/2006 02:15:00 PM

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

we can have it anyway you want.

i should really stop this.
this lifestyle of mine. which is fast gaining another life of its own.
this hedonism. should stop.

anyways, it should stop on two levels.
the basis that i'm getting jaded
the basis that wherever i go my mind is pretty much stagnant/stationary. therefore,
it should stop.

anyways, erm. my heartbeat's racing now.
pump it. pumpp it!!!

okies. i should go to bed soon, and wake up soon enough.
its funny.
its funny how your body can be doing so many different things, but your mind just ain't syncing with your body.

i've got a long day ahead tmr. let's see how i deal with this.

but whatever the case.
its all sweetness.

mervyn at 3/15/2006 08:45:00 PM

a dream that i'll never wake up from

i just woke up man. like so late. but nvm, i've gotta get my adequate rest. anyways tmr i'm going to die at work anyways so ain't no difference dude.

anyways, work today was kidna sucky. i'm getting pissed off with some idiots. hahaa and i'm damn slack lah. like dunno everything at the meeting. oh, but clashed with RSM til he was pissed off. but that's his problem i really don't care about him. he's like a useless dude.
anwyays i can't migrate my computer to JANUS so i foresee some serious problems man.. but who cares. can't be bothered with all these tech specs or work per se. what i can be bothered with is playing soccer at work. that, i care :)

the more i think abt it.
the more it seems true.
and ohs, its like. hm. how do i say this. man, its kinda personal man!
okies nvm. people get low! get low get low!
this is a short update for today, cos somethings are stuck within my mind. things of which i can't say here. things that are far too personal for all you 40 blogeurs to read about.

OH and yes i do have 10 ocs shorts, and even more clothes. why do i wear them? cheap, comfortable and nice!
yeah she's a thrivin friend indeed.
oh crpa i ain't got no money left.
NOW I'M the gold digger.

mervyn at 3/15/2006 01:03:00 PM

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

this is just too cool i had to post it up.

anyone looking for a weekend job?
i'm hiring.
attractive renumenerations available.
only females 16-25 need apply.

haha hilarious ain't it. or do i just have a weird sense of humour?
okie dudes.

mervyn at 3/14/2006 04:04:00 PM

groovejet [if this ain't ]

wasap all me homies. what's new in da club today yo!
i'm currently not asleep cos i'm burning a compilation of hip hop songs to turn my office into a nice little hip hop club. yeah. this is how we do.
anyways, these few days at work ahve been rather good. a mixture of slackness and things to do. which is always good of course. and of course, this week, my luck has changed and taken a turn for the better, so its all good yo. chill dudes.
happy happy happy. why am i happy? that's your call!

anyways im turnng into a hip hop dude cos i'm playing those hip hop songs on my itunes nowadays. of course, that sentimental merv is still arnd, at times playing my sentimental songs. BUT its hip hop nowadays yo!

anyways, on saturday, went to liangsies comms parade. finally, after so long, he's become an officer. welcome to the officer corp dude.
annyway, its really quite nice seeing a comms parade. steeped in rich tradition and so much significance. if i were a parent i think i'd be very very very very proud if one day my son commissioned as an officer. but its more seh in the DFST batch cos its much bigger and grander and the president is the actual reviewing officer. its cooler hearing the president say "I, THE PRESIDENT of the Republic of singapore, hereby reposing ..." rather than some assorted random MP say "The PRESIDENT ...."
the "I" sounds nice. and his voice is grander. and his seh is there. and everything. cool.
anyways, sitting there and watching the parade is really cool. altho a few screw ups here and there, but sitting there really made me think of my own experience on that parade square. really an unforgettable experience. seeing your family members in the stands, seeing the president walk in front of you, hearing the national anthem. makes u feel like your country is worth defending man. i bet at that point of time if someone attacks singapore the whole batch of commissioning cadets will go lead a whole platoon and win the war lah.
anyways, i think i've never ever regretted being an officer. being an officer is not just about the rank man. its about the responsibility, the seh, the different status which people treat u with immediately. its cool. its intriguing. and i guess officers are a rare breed actually. so, whatever you do in the army, make sure u become an officer.
oh, speaking of officers,
when i went out for my daily run just now, i was dressed in my ocs white shorts (cos i have 10 pairs) and my SAFTI singlet la (cos i have many pairs too and its so damn comfortable.
and i was running, AND THIS GUY SALUTED ME! oh the guy was running also, and he was going in the opposite direction as me, and WTF he actually saluted me. but i didnt return the salute cos i was a little too shocked?! haahahah i just ran. BUT THAT WAS KINDA WEIRD Man.

anyways, its really late now and i was feeling kinda sleepy just now but im not really sleepy now.
anyways, u know drugs give u a high. oh man and high i am. but this is but an artificially induced high from which it will fade soon enough. but highs are good. its better than low. like really low.
oh mans.
anways what else. nothing much actually.
or rather, much things which i can't say here. cos there's just too many blogeurs man. ok i'm not like xiaxue, but then again, its like. uncomfortable right. all you blogeurs. terrible.

Baby girllll (Baby girl take ya time)
Baby girl take ya time (baby girl take ya time)
Please don't rush and go (don't rush and go)
I can never let you leave (I can never let you leave)
And I don't wanna have to see ya go

yes, sometihng's not right when i start ending my posts with hip hop songs. hahaha...
love ya dudes. chill and peace out mates.

mervyn at 3/14/2006 03:37:00 PM

ex·pec·ta·tion (kspk-tshn)
The act of expecting.
Eager anticipation: eyes shining with expectation.
The state of being expected.
Something expected: a result that did not live up to expectations.
expectations Prospects, especially of success or gain.

v. hoped, hop·ing, hopes
v. intr.
To wish for something with expectation of its fulfillment.
Archaic. To have confidence; trust.

what's the difference between hopes and expectations?
as above, the definition is rather shady. Hope seems to be synonymous with expectation.
Let's examine this in this episode of GET REAL! ok, no not really. that sounds lame.
ok, so what is the fundamental difference between these 2 concepts?

in my humblest opinion, Hope is a longing, a desire for something to be fulfilled, without knowing when or whether or not it would be fulfilled.
Expectation is your desire for something to be done, knowing that it WILL be done, by a certain period.

To put it in easier terms for my dearest plebians reading tthis, of which most are blogeurs(blog + voyeurs = blogeurs)
"II EXPECT you to hand this in." When I say this, it sounds condescending. as if a demand is put upon the other party to do the job ASAP and hand it in.
"I HOPE you'll hand this in." Now, there seems to be uncertainty in this sentence. I don't know if you're going to hand it in, but if you hand it in I'll be very happy. But its ok, you can take your time, hand it in when you want. kinda thing?

therefore, what am i trying to say?
I'm saying, that to lead life happily, there is a simple maxim which we should all follow. This will curb frustration, lessen disappointment, and help one to become happier.
that is, we should expect to get nothing, but hope for the best of everything.
this way, we'll be happy. because we do not expect that anything would come to us, but when something good comes to us, we're happy that our wishes are fulfilled.
its better than not hoping for anything, and u'll have no life no hopes no nothing and everything would just leave u jaded.
conversely, if you expect everything, you'll be sorely disappointed, cos u'll never get your way in life all the time.

that's cool?
yes, so i'm going for a run now.
more to come.
some hip hop lyrics for you dudes.
mc merv in the house

All the ladies
If you�re in here I need to hear ya
[interlude]Never had someone to show me love
Love like this before
[rap]Go girlfriend, it�s your birthday
Go girlfriend, it�s your birthday
Go girlfriend, it�s your birthday


mervyn at 3/14/2006 10:54:00 AM

Monday, March 13, 2006


help.. my head is splitting... argh.. i wanna go and sleeep now..
ok ive got quite alot to blog but i ain't got no chance.
i'll update this place tmr.
in the meantime, bless me!
my head is absolutely hurting to no end!

mervyn at 3/13/2006 01:21:00 PM


help.. my head is splitting... argh.. i wanna go and sleeep now..
ok ive got quite alot to blog but i ain't got no chance.
i'll update this place tmr.
in the meantime, bless me!
my head is absolutely hurting to no end!

mervyn at 3/13/2006 01:21:00 PM


help.. my head is splitting... argh.. i wanna go and sleeep now..
ok ive got quite alot to blog but i ain't got no chance.
i'll update this place tmr.
in the meantime, bless me!
my head is absolutely hurting to no end!

mervyn at 3/13/2006 01:21:00 PM


help.. my head is splitting... argh.. i wanna go and sleeep now..
ok ive got quite alot to blog but i ain't got no chance.
i'll update this place tmr.
in the meantime, bless me!
my head is absolutely hurting to no end!

mervyn at 3/13/2006 01:21:00 PM


help.. my head is splitting... argh.. i wanna go and sleeep now..
ok ive got quite alot to blog but i ain't got no chance.
i'll update this place tmr.
in the meantime, bless me!
my head is absolutely hurting to no end!

mervyn at 3/13/2006 01:21:00 PM

Saturday, March 11, 2006

sometimes when we touch

i dunno. this song sounds nice for now.
You ask me if I love you
And I choke on my reply
I’d rather hurt you honestly
Than mislead you with a lie
And who am I to judge you
In what you say or do
I’m only just beginning
To see the real you

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty’s too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I want to hold you till I die
Till we both break down and cry
I want to hold you till the fear in me subsides

Romance and all it’s strategy
Leaves me battling with my pride
But through all the insecurity
Some tenderness survives
I’m just another writer
Still trapped within my truth
A hesitant prize fighter
Still trapped within my youth

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty’s too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I want to hold you till I die
Till we both break down and cry
I want to hold you till the fear in me subsides

At times I’d like to break you
And drive you to your knees
At times I’d like to break through
And hold you endlessly
At times I understand you
And I know how hard you try
I watched while love commands you
And I’ve watched love pass you by
At times I think we’re drifters
Still searching for a friend
A brother or a sister
But then the passion flares again

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty’s too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I want to hold ya till I die
Till we both break down and cry
I want to hold you till the fear in me subsides

mervyn at 3/11/2006 08:16:00 AM

Friday, March 10, 2006

put life on repeat mode

ok, this post is really like a continuation of the previous post, but i was thinking that it'd be nice if i ended the below post just like that. so yeah.

anyways, yea, after that went to pasir ris then went home. i like driving at night with lush on the radio. its very therapeutic. relaxing and it kinda brings u to another world. actually it was kinda cool driving along the ecp. it kinda. reminds me of a time. when things were nicer. and the sun actually brightened the world rather than burn the world as it's doing now. sometimes u know, its that kinda special thing. that kinda thing that u only get when the world was a nicer place. and the world could be a much nicer place. than it currently is.
but let's not spoil a fine day like this by going back to reality and reminding myself of how screwed up the world really is.

so different, yet the same.
what's new. everything that exists in the world is this way. but nono. its not like that. i know.
i like the song playing on my itunes now.
its title is groovejet. perhaps its quite apt for a time like this?
ha i wouldn't know.
i wanna go off. and read my GQ. or maybe do soemthing more productive.
its nice to blog. its therapeutic. i like it. its like a psychological spa.
let me leave u today with some wise words right from the depths of my heart.

a gentle stream shall flow through the depths of the forest and into the heart of the sea
but a waterfall
ends in a pool below it.

mervyn at 3/10/2006 07:02:00 PM

if only i could

hies. im finally back home. surprised to see me back home so early on a friday night eh.
not really. im not too surprised meself.
tell u what, i watched FD3 today. it really wasn't anything too impressive, just a montage/collage of assorted gruesome clips. but that's what i watched it for anyway. though it wasn't really worth my 9.5 dollars. as in seriously. but oh wells. the amount of blood they used in the show must have cost them quite alot. though i wouldn't mind cos sometimes. OH wells i cant say too much here. haahaaa... but i can say alot in my office OA email accnt cos that's quite private.. so that's cool... ahahha..

anyways, had dinner before that. which wasn't too good. but then again, what can i say? as in the whole day wasn't too good. OHs but shopping was good. i like shopping! i bought 2 t shirts. SO THAT'S good. oh nos, i sound like a bimbo. so that's not too good. oh no my vocAB Is limted to good and no good? yeah yeah u must think i'm drunk now, but nono i didn't even touch a drop of alcohol today! yeah! anyways i like the 2 shirts i bought. (which is why i bought them in the first place.) and there are so many other things i'd like to buy. u know, if i had all the money in the world, i'd employ a shopper. who'd buy everything for me and just put them at home. and i'll wear them. ohs and i saw the nike stussy cherries. which were really nice. and really coool. i so totally wanna get them. and so is the BAPE marvel superheroes series. omg that is so awesome. i'd just put them on display at home. ohs mate. awesome. and i saww a nice dress. but nobody to get it for, so that's sad. :P jace got some flowerrryyy earrings which were quite ok. they look like the sunflower on my table. though they're not sunflowers. nice though. i'd wear them if i were a girl. girls like flowers. why? why do girls like flowers. i think i should start giving flowers. be a nice guy for once. stop being mean. though its in me to be mean. okies.

i like the ice cream i had after the movie though. its kinda nice. different kinda feeling from spending some time groovvving in the club. like sitting there staring into space is quite cool. and the ice cream makes 1 kinda relaxed so that's really nice. mmmmm.. reminds me of the time when i sat sitting in lido with my nice ice cream. :D C> that's a man with a big smile and a ice cream cone if u dunnno!
sometimes its times like this when u think perhaps life could be quite nice afterall.

mervyn at 3/10/2006 06:48:00 PM

Thursday, March 09, 2006

no more dreaming about tomorrow.

hies. just got back from the ministry. i think i'm going to put the ministry on banlist very soon, but i'll still go there on special occasions. but the ministry is going to be banlisted very soon.
in fact, i don't think i'd be going clubbing very often anymore. i'm tired of it. sick of it. exhausted. i should move on to the next phase of life. which i don't know what it is. b ut i'm sure i'll find it somehow.

anyways, i was clubbing last night at the ministry too. that was pretty ok. pretty good i guess. rather fun.

today, there was some NUS nonsense at the ministry. ok, the dance wasn't fantastic. in fact, i'd rate it rather lousy. now, if they wanna do a dance production, at least practise? i mean, the number of missed cues, the lack of proper choreography, and the complete lack of technical skill in dancing was appalling. well done, temasek hall dancers! well done in screwing up. hahaha.. and NUS jinxed MOS, and MOS was pretty empty. oh mans. in the end, it left me with quite a boring night. sighs. it was nice lying on the couch watching the colours change though. quite relaxing and tranquil. in a warped sense i guess. it can't get any more relaxing with the hip hop beats blasting right through your ears.

u know drug addiction is like . u hop from one to another. its like heroin abusers. in the absence of heroin, they jump to subitex. and soon they're on to abusing subitex. and it gets so bad that they go back to heroin. it's a vicious cycle. in a similar fashion, i feel that way too. there's an addiction (not in the drug sense or any physical sense) that i can't get rid of. and in the absence of this, there's a replacement. which i realised isn't very good for me.
you're a drug.

and i have a habit of being addicted to songs. and i just got this new song. and its been on repeat mode for the longest time. or rather since i turned on my comp til now. the voice of the girl is so sweet and melodic. accompanied with the nonchalant melancholy of the guitar. and the lyrics are rather meaningful too. nice. sweet.
i totally like.

ok i'd best be off to bed. its rather late. oh, and i only got 2 hours of sleep yesterday. yes, i'm turning into superman.

mervyn at 3/09/2006 08:52:00 PM

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

it would be so nice [ ] with you

wassap in this blog today. or rather wasap in this world today.
supposed to have a medical appointment today, but in the end i have to go back for a repeat one cos i broke the rules of the medical appointment, which is not to wear contacts for a week before the eye check! ah!! what a waste of time! at least i got to sleep in late so its good.

so i went home to sleep cos my eyes were hurting from those eye drops they put in my eyes to dilate the pupils so that i would look kawaii like those big eyed girls. no la i dunnno why they put the dilate pupils eyedrops in my eyes, but they did. but anyway it hurt to look at anything after tt cos the world was so bright. so i went to sleep.
BUT I WASN'T EVEN LIKE 20 MINS INTO SLEEPING and my phone rang. and i was required to attend this meeting. so being the garang soldier that i was, i donned my uniform and headed back to camp. bummer. but the stupid meeting is a meeting where i sit around, and say nothing nor do nothing. basically, i spent my time in the meeting reading newman. LEARNING how to be a better man. cos i'm a screwed up guy now. yeah dude. was kinda major pissed off. but its ok. it will all come to an end one day. really, it will.

today i realised that some things in life cannot be replaced.
its weird.
anyways, recently, something's been in my mind a great deal. i dunno why. i hope that well, mayybe sometimes luck could just be on my side for a while. and that'd be enough. it sucks to be torn between 2 unreachable peaks. its like feeling trapped in a valley. unable to get out but u know u gotta get somewhere.

and to all those people whom i dunno who are reading my blog, can u pls stop reading? stop being a voyeur. go if u need something to do. anywhere but here. can?? i'm very irritated with ppl whom i dunno reading my blog. and to the people whom i know, at least let me know u're reading. i mean, being a voyeur is no good.

mervyn at 3/07/2006 03:22:00 PM

Monday, March 06, 2006

small actions mean a great deal.

today i'm officially damn pissed off. i think today can just be erased from the face of the earth and it should never have existed.
looks like my luck is going downhill. all my fortune and prosperity and whatever good luick i had thruout the years has all been washed away. man. sigh.

work today was a total bullshit. i really can't stand SAF and its numbers. seriously. i dont understand the purpose of calling peopl to a meeting jsut to make up the numbers. like all the officers are paid few k just to sit in meetings and sleep? oh please. taxpayers money dude! and seriously, calling me up at 9 to attend a meeting that started at 830 is really liek screwed up. and ok so in the end i went for the meeting, and i didnt even utter a single word there. and the way the idiot said is like if i don't go for the meeting the whole SAF might collapse. like i told him "this doesn't even concern my department" and he said "its a BASE safety audit." yah, ok but so what. like so what if it's a base safety audit? IF I'M NOT NEEDED AND I DON'T CONTRIBUTE THERE THEN WHY SHOULD I GO? its like we're all singaporeans, but do we attend every parliament sitting? ok bad example. it's like my department doesn't even deal with anything related to safety. what? do i go there and show people how i make my clerks sit upright so that they don't strain their back? do i show them how i complete my RAWRs when i ask my clerks to carry boxes of files? or do i show them how i ensure my clerks are well hydrated cos working in an aircon environment is very dry? seriously, its dumb. i just can't understand the funny ways of the force.

and then just when i thought my troubles were over, i went for soccer. which was the stupidest thing i've ever done. i mean, i've learnt alot from ms ho and nj and all that nonsense, and maybe sometimes its good to give back to society what society has given to you. BUT this is too much man. seriously. training a team of divas. its worse than the AMerican's next top model. at least there they know that they'll lose. in this team of divas, they think they're all the best! (yan zhong wu ren) damn cocky. and like to wave here and there and all that nonsense. freaking irritating. and the best thing is the kinda comments which i get. put urself in my shoes and tell me about it.
overheard today,
" why you make training so tiring? cann we don't have such tiring training?" (then just get lost and don't come back. i really don't need you to be around.)
"its not the way you say it, its who says it." (ok then u all can just go and hear each other's melodic voices from now on)
annd miscelllaneous bullF like that. if you were me would u be fed up or would u be fed up?
and the best thing is how they take training. i mean, give it your all or don't give anything at all.
i mean some really do run til their lungs burst. but the rest of the divas let down these hardworking souls with their primping around the field, checking if their makeup smudged, wiping the mascara that has run with their sweat, adjusting their hair and jewellery and whatnot crap they have lah. I'M PISSED man. and when i tel them to be serious, they listen for awhile and get back to their usual selves.
they think soccer is fun, but they don't know REAL fun yet. but these divas will never know real fun lah. they're just a buncha divas that should just go stay in the library and apply make up. play barbie dolls with each othher k. that way u'll never get hot or sunburnt or tired. oh but i forgot. i'll get one of those newfangled silver ion humidifiers for you ok cos the air-con climate is too dry.

but on a happier note, my shoes arrived today. they're really nice. i'm happy looking at the shoes. maybe that's the only happy thing in my life at this point of time. which is quite sad.

today i was listening to a song, and its title was "a love that will never grow old" (yeah, brokeback mountain. gays don't grow old"
and i was thinking, why do some ppl say that love is timeless, then some say it wont grow old, then somee say it'll grow old (grow old with you) and then there's the rest that say love is this and love is that.
and then it dawned on me.
love is nothing but a concept. an idea. love is just like a basic set of ideas. on which u add your value judgements and your own experiences and expectations and all that. and eventually you get all your ideas of love. that's why couples quarrel. their ideas of love don't sync. they have different views and mindsets of love, and eventually the cracks shine thru and they realise all their mistakes.
in a sense its just liek a cheeseburger. everyone knows what a cheeseburger is. but some people's cheesburger might have a think beef patty, some might have it like macdonald's thin cardboard slices. some will have pork patties. some will have sesame buns, some will have gardenia buns. some with lettuce and some with tomatoes. so maybe tmr i walk into 123 foodshop and order a cheesburger, i'll be unhappy cos he gives me tomatoes, and i hate tomatoes. but that's the way he's been serving cheesburgers since forever. oh wells. what am i talking. i'm just talking nosnense.

and at such a rough period of time, the one whom i wish would at least care doesnt care. but i don't care anymore.
i seriously am unable to muster the necessary mental strength and psychological fortitude for this anymore.

mervyn at 3/06/2006 01:48:00 PM

Saturday, March 04, 2006

freedom is but a mere excuse

i just got back from the LIQQQQUUUUUUUUIDATEd room. i'm liquidated.
okie. today's liquid was quite sad. very not happening. ACTUALLY there was, but i don't know what i'm doing also lah. i guess sometimes its like. u win some, and then u choose not to win some.
i guess life's like that. there's many chances for me to win, but i don't.

anyways, had soccer in the afternoon, and i must say that them girls are really playing very well now. as in seriously well man. i'm quite impressed actuallly. but the point is that i'm getting irritated with them. freak, what's with complaining about training at 2 because the sun is hot? f off lah if the sun is hot then dun play soccer lah just stay in the freaking library and bury urself under the encyclopedias lah. and the best thing is the person who said this doesn't play that well also what. just f off can? i'm damn irritated. and the way she acts is like. f uped. always complaining this and that and thinking she's damn smart. aiya crap just get the hell out lah.

but i'm quite happy today to see a new girl join in. and the new girl is rather good. how come all the good people come from basketball huh. basketball ccan just sign a merger with soccer lah. as in basketbaLL can just merge and we'll call it football ok. at least we retain the ball name. and the rest are improving too. so its GOOOD. but aiyah i really am damn irritated with all of them lah. they think they're divas or something. argh. and always damn not serious in trainnig lah think what crap joke. AIYA JUST FREAK and die lah. ok lah but they're improving and they're girls so maybe that counts for something. Argh. just can't work with girls/women. they're terrible. gives me headaches.

i think i'm quite tired this whole week. accumulated lack of sleep. crazy dude. going for lunch tmr afternoon man. best be off to sleep soon.
but i'm downloading a song. love like this. mm its a nice song. but doesn't apply to me lah. ohs and u know listening to lush 99.5 gives u some of the most interesting insights in the world.
for those who dunno, lush is a station that plays chillout and lounge music. so the music's pretty much melodic and alot of drumbeats and downtempo nonsense kinda stuff. assorted voice/sound clips are placed into the music and repeated throughout the whole song. so today i heard a song. and the only sentence in the whole song was "love comes and love goes." i thought that was pretty cool.

ok. enough nonsense for a night. more nonsense tomorrow i guess. til next time folks.
peace out.

mervyn at 3/04/2006 09:22:00 PM

Friday, March 03, 2006

a blank, a cipher.

the past few days have been a hectic one. in fact, i've only gotten 2 hours of sleep today. which explains my extreme tiredness. even as i type this now, i'm going to sleep. and tmr i've got soccer at 2. so it's all good. at least i get my extreme beauty rest. i look horrible when i go without sleep.

so wednesday was DOO, which passed by uneventfully. which is really good, cos having an event is totally no good. but i was feeling a little sick. so i slept rather early. kinda conked out.

thursday was alan's birthday, so i went out at night. we went somewhere new, and its kinda interesting :) but those gays chose to go to holland V first, i dunno for what. but i guess its mostly to waste time. oh mans i'm tired out.

today, work was as per normal, only that nobody was in the office. AFTER lunch, NO DXO WAs in the office! which is like uber cool. so the whole office kinda stopped work. that was really. reallly. cool. i like. i wished everyday was like that. then work would be heaven. as it is now, its kinda boring. i mean, i get to use the net and all that, but seriously, its really really. really boring.

anyways, after work, i went for dinner with shans. her treat :) shans rocks! actually its nice having dinner with her. she's good company. only that she always laughs at me for nothing. which is very very very verry sad for me. but ok.. sacrifice my sadness for her happiness.. hahaha.. and then shans was being adventurous and proceeded to bring me on a wild adventure around the city area,, and we eventually ended up at one fullerton. and her dad picked her up frm there. and through the circumstances of the evening, i found myself walking back to clarke quay all the way from one fullerton. WHICH is a really long walk.

it was a nice walk. i saw many things and thought abt many things. its cool. see all the young couples making out. see the good friends chilling out. see the young punks playing. all kinda ppl. doing different things. under the same setting. with the same purpose.
oh wells.

actually there's not much places to go tonight. i drove pass cblack just now. it was freaking like a ghost town. cblack sucks man.. so popular last time, but now its terrible. must be thanks to the lousy receptionist. the one with bad service. yeah. service is realy important in life.

that's why we must always do things with a smile :)
and hopefully things will get better.

argh im really sleepy.
and qiling thanx for taking down the link. the traffic from ur site was seriously alot lah. like all the voyeurs.

mervyn at 3/03/2006 05:01:00 PM