Wednesday, June 28, 2006

what happened?

this isn't how it's supposed to be.
oh wells.

mervyn at 6/28/2006 09:26:00 PM

Monday, June 26, 2006

the sun sets before the sun rises.

heys.
sup.
watched superman returns today. it was, frankly, nothing fantastic. i was bored by the whole show. it was just like x men, all action and no plot.
i like plot-ful movies. movies that have some kinda meaning in them. not these kinda action-packed nonsense. ah but whatever. i guess the main point is not so much the movie, but rather my attitude towards life in general. ha.

i was too tired today so i came home in the afternoon and slept til 6. my biological clock is so screwed. even my horoscope tells me to take care of my health. what's happening to my healthy regime man. gone completely down the drain. argh. kinda reflects my mental state man.

was rather pleased last night when minnie called from the us of A
so apparently she hasn't died yet, so that's a good thing. but she's coming back like in august, by which time i'll be gone too soon. but its ok. the world is a small place. it's always nice to get calls from nice friends like minnie. makes u feel better sometimes. though she did call at an ungodly hour of 4am and talked til 5am. but at least its cool.
UNLIkE some people, who never call at all even though i'd answer their calls at like whatevertime. aiyah, these people probably have too much to care about, or they don't care.
or its both. whhatever the case, i don't know man.

ok lah, but it helps that i've got nice friends who'll help me along thru thik and thin, so i'm thankful for that.

ah i think i need to sleep soon. got a run tomorrow. but im quite hungry now. ha. okok.
gd night.
:(

mervyn at 6/26/2006 06:41:00 PM

Sunday, June 25, 2006

not much time left.

heys.
today was quite a nice sunday.
i woke up late, :(
cos i was supposed to meet lynnie, but oh wells, at least i met her in the end.
and wanwen and samantha were there too!
its nice meeting them again after so long, albeit for a short while.
they're still as nice, sweet and whatever as ever.
it's nice knowing that girls like them still exist. after all the girls i've been meeting so far, who are all like, pretty, but superficial. fake, slutty, cheap.
these people are nice girls. :) ok never really thought i'd compliment people right but that's the truth lah. so there.
hm so that kinda made my day quite a nice day.
and then i went furniture shopping.
and i bought a new bed! yayness. i'm quite happy, but yet, it's bittersweet, knowing that i wont be sleeping on it that much. but oh well, the sacrifices that we have to make for our future.

ate at glasshouse and met up with some friends after that.
chilled for awhhile (quite a long while) and then went home.
overall, it was quite a nice sunday spent. better than last sunday, and better than next sunday.

but its ok, afterall, happiness is a fleeting virtue which comes seldom.
we'll see what we can do about it.
and i'm watching superman tomorrow. yayness. though i'm not really interested in superman, but ohwells, since i've got the tickets then why not right.
:(
:)
optimism is always good.

mervyn at 6/25/2006 06:56:00 PM

Saturday, June 24, 2006

that's the saddest thing

heys.
its 6am. i'd best be going to sleep soon.
today was a terribly hectic night. haha felt like a getai singer rushing from getai to getai man. totally insane. but it was all good. its fun. at least more fun than standing around in mos doing nothing man. :)
sighs.
anyways, tomorrow's a sunday and it looks like i've got a nice sunday coming along. it's going to be a good weekend, without you around. you're never around anyway. ha. oh wells.
100 days. is a long time. it's a third of a year. it's like. what the hell hundred days is just a really long time.
but its ok. anything goes for a song.

ah whatever.
gonna sleep soon.

mervyn at 6/24/2006 11:11:00 PM

your nonchalance kills me

it really sucks to have no response than to have a bad response.
i guess no response is worse than a bad response.
aiya i think too much lah.
i shd just go and be a player man.

mervyn at 6/24/2006 03:14:00 PM

Friday, June 23, 2006

unfounded faith

yeah.
finally, we have gotten to the best day of the week, friday.
FRIday is one of the most essential days of the week. it dictates how your weekend will go, and brings about a round-up of your entire week.
so fridays always have to be done well, otherwise you'd just be low.

so what am i doing today? i'm going for a triple whammy after 2 nights of double trouble at the ministry. one day i'll look back at this and i'll understand why i'm dying young man.

ooooh but yesterday was an awesome day at MOS. i saw the most exquisite beauty over at macs in liang court. absolutely angelic, doll-like features. and then whilst i was driving, i saw another pretty girl driving a cooper S. omg. yeayea i sound like a deranged , crazed guy. but seriously, there's no point being a nice guy anymore. the nice guys always lose out in this game of life. all girls are just out to get hurt. that's something i've concluded after so long. who gives a damn about the nice guys? you always finish last, cos you give in too much to all the others. and that really sucks. why the hell are girls so stupid to go for the guys they know will break their hearts? maybe nice guys are no fun. i wouldn't know. i know i'm very fun, thus i cannot be a nice guy. so dear girls, please stay away from me cos i'm a dangerous guy! god. that is so crappy. ha whatever. it's a friday night kinda thing to say.

but actually the whole of today, i kept thinking about something. that kinda nostalgia. ha. must be last night's dream. sucks man. seriously quite sad. so sad that it showed in my driving. :O

BUT let's not talk about sad things anymore.
let's focus on the upcoming weekend and ALLL the fun we're gonna have.

seriously, who am i kidding.
ha.

mervyn at 6/23/2006 02:05:00 PM

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

murder she wrote

heys.
sup y`all.
just got back not long ago. it seems everyday when i get back my routine's the same. close my windows, turn on my aircon, bathe, check my mail, sleep.
only that this happens probably around 3 or 4 in the morning.
something's seriously wrong.

ok, so today i won superman returns preview tickets on perfect 10. yayness! the only thing is that no one to watch with. or rather, not the right person to watch with. many people to watch with actually. ha. what the hell.

my car got wasted today. i'm seriously heartbroken. why does my car cause me so much pain and heartbreak. my heart shatters to pieces looking at the wasted state it's in. it's like the mum looking at her kid get wasted. it's like the artist watching his paintwork get ruined. it's like. it's like. IT'S like you could stop it but yet you can't. it's so sad. it's like being in control, yet not in control at all. ah, how conflicting. i'm such a conflicting individual. internal conflict. haha. sad, but true.

MoS was so boring today. how long has it been since i've not paid to enter MoS? seriously, it's getting more and more boring week by week. sigh. the only exciting thing has sorta gone.

you know on tuesday i went to run 13km. on the home stretch, with like 400m left, i picked up the tempo. i pounded the concrete with all my energy and concentration. i was wholly devoted to overtaking the person in front of me. in the end, i did it. i ran past him. with 100m left, i heard the footsteps on my side. and there he was, overtaking me the same way i overtook him. and suddenly, i felt the breath escape from my lungs. i felt the energy sapping from my legs, i felt like i couldn't run any longer.
funny how the mind gives up so easily when it could have given you so much power initially. i guessed if i wasn't overtaken, i would have continued to keep up the pace. but the feeling of being beaten sucks so much mentally.
i guess that's the way life is. many a times, we are wholly devoted to a certain pursuit. but the moment we feel that we're thrown off-balance, we give up much too easily. I am much too guilty of this. Though there are times when being thrown off-balance just makes me want to get back with much more. but what if you've already given your all, and there's nothing left? there're no more tricks in the book, no more energy in your body, no more fight in your soul. what do you do?

interesting things we learn from daily life. actually we can learn alot from the mundane things in life. it's just a matter of perspective. but sometimes i think much too much for my own good. haha.

when i came back, i checked the mail. and i saw this brochure addressed to me for some Leadership workshop. it's called Leadership Excellence - Managing Change for Success. It's hosted by these two experts, Carly Fiortina and Tom Peters. The brochure has 2 quotes on the front page.
"Winners must learn to relish change with the same enthusiasm and energy that we have resisted it in the past"
another one is
"Do not be afraid to make decisions; do not be afraid to make mistakes"
sounds like common sense don't it.
but how many a times do we forget all these? how many of us like to stay in the status quo, and not relish change? how many times have we fought just to keep something the same as before? Change is an essential.
How many times have we been afraid to make decisions? Weighing before us the numerous risks and potential screw-ups?
What governs your decision making? For me, I always think of the benefits before thinking of the risks. perhaps this is why i make controversial decisions. even in mahjong, i'll take the risk. haha. Well, to each his own. but it's just some food for thought.

oh wells, what else can i say.
there's really so much i wanna say. but not here.

someone tell me about love
someone tell me about possession

mervyn at 6/21/2006 09:28:00 PM

superman returns

leave a tag or sms me if any of you wanna watch superman returns on monday.
free.

mervyn at 6/21/2006 02:42:00 PM

Monday, June 19, 2006

sheer willpower

today is a slack day. i ended up playing mahjong at my boss's house in the afternoon.
WHAT THE HELl. ok, but i didnt enjoy it. it's one of those social commitment things. places you go to even though you don't like to be there but you just gotta be there cos its the right thing to do.
damn. why am i like that.

other than that, there's nothing much. i'm rather tired.
and i'm very irritatable these few days.
i think it's gotta do with the monday blues thing.
or perhaps it is a bigger issue.
nevermind, wednedaay will come soon.

mervyn at 6/19/2006 02:50:00 PM

Saturday, June 17, 2006

the hardest thing

i am so sad.
today's soccer matches had so little potential. all the favourites.
YET, there were so many upsets. ok lah, 2 out of 3, but that's enough.
frankly, i'm not interested in football.
BUT, i'm interested in singapore pools. oh man, the immense money that could come rolling in through the cash registers.
this is quite sad. like what the hell, ghana actually won czech. argh. makes me feel irritated with meself. and usa drew with italy.
ok lah, but there's nothing to be irritated about, because if i could tell the future, i'd be a happy man. but i can't. so i just have to be contented.

just now i went out. quite boring.
actually, in life, very few things are actually interesting. or maybe that's the case for my life.
let's see, the amount of interesting things in my life can actually be counted on one hand.

tomorrow's horoscope looks quite negative, quite sad.
There's a mountain in your path -- it could be a bad habit, a challenging situation, or even a difficult person. But one thing is for sure: Whatever is blocking your progress right now cannot be ignored. Your first instinct may be to attack it head on, barring your teeth and using every ounce of your bravado to intimidate. This is not the best route. Instead, a quiet, constant attack is the best way to go. Just keep chipping away and this mountain will eventually crumble
okie, but i like the last part.
THE mountain will eventually crumble.
yeah. keep chipping away. i've been chippping away at the mountain since an immensely long time ago, but it never showed any signs of crumbling. not even crumble, it didnt even show any signs of anything.
but perseverance is a key thing. it is extremmely important. i should have learnt this a long time ago. if not, how the hell did i make it through ocs? but then again, the kinda perseverance needed now is quite hardcore. its a different thing altogether from the perseverance which we know.
this is tomorrow's short horoscope.
Feeling filled with doubts? Stop beating yourself up. It's completely normal to temporarily misplace your sense of faith. During moments like these, reassure yourself that you're where you need to be.

yeah, spot on. my sense of faith is misplaced. severely.

its funny how at this age i still believe in horoscopes. hhaha. actually i don't really believe it, but i take it with slightly more than a pinch of salt. meaning, i hope that it happens, but if it doesn't happen, then nevermind. that kinda thing.
but its funny.
even now, i make decisions by flipping coins. not life and death kinda decisions, but decisions such as, should i call someone, should i go out today, should i do this, should i do that. i flip coins.
there was this once i flipped heads for like 7 or 8 times consecutively. but in the end, the final result was still nil.
so my coin isnt very effective. ha. whatever right.

ok, i'm off to read this book called the kite runner now. its quite a sweet book actually. about how a son tries to win his father's affection, by all kinds of means. its very sweet.
i need some sweetness in my life.
not sacharine kinda sweetness, but just some kinda normal stuff.
i'm much too jaded to get through this.

and just now i was opening my door, and i thought keys are a fantastic invention. ah, but this i'd have to explain in real life. its much too hard to explain it here. basically its about how keys are individually configured to fit your lock, and how they have the right combination of edges to displace all the pins in the lock.
much like humans. we're all searching for the right person to displace all the pins in our locks. but the thing is abit tricky. we also have to be the right one to displace all the pins in their locks. and that's why there're many billion people in the world. your perfect match would be 1 of the billion people.
actually i should make a movie like that, about how a guy goes searching for his 1 in a billion.
but wait, aren't there already numerous movies like that? they're called love stories.
hahahaa. ok whatever.

oh and i hope the clock faster ticks down to july man. ahlam is coming back, and so is xiaomin. annd seriously, xiaomin, you better come back fast man. there's just so much i wanna tell you about man. and all that. life is happenning around here without you around man. you gotta be back soon so i can tell you allllllllllllllll about stuff man.
ok, but actually, you always say that all i tell you about is one thing. BUT YAH i wanna tell you about that. ok lah, and much more. and i wanna watch cars with you man! so you better come back fast. US doesn't need you around the place. hahahaha
whatever lah.
okokokookok

imma off to bed.

mervyn at 6/17/2006 11:02:00 PM

overcompensated, underappreciated

heys.
lazy saturdayy this is. very casual, very lazy, infinitely bored.

but that is in the day.
in the night, everything changes.
the casual mood morphs to something else.
the laziness changes.
the boredom goes away.
but the only thing that remains is the great feeling of


emptiness


i got a haircut just now. it looks quite cool. something fresh. something which i like. so its all good.
:)

i had a nice dream whilst sleeping just now. seriously, if dreams translate to reality, i'd be quite a happy person. but that's why they're called dreams ain't it. but ok lah. i dreamt that my car was like stolen the other day, so maybe not all dreams should become reality. hahaha..
what the hell am i talking? it's this flip flop atttitude in life which sucks man. so unsure. so shaky.

ah whatever. one should never run away from the root cause of all problems.

ok. bbye

mervyn at 6/17/2006 12:37:00 PM

Thursday, June 15, 2006

:)

yayness!
things are taking a turn for the better.
this week looks to be blossoming fine.
or maybe it's just the weekend mood.
i'm happy. we're happy.
we just need to get past friday. but friday's a holiday mood day, so chill dudes.
:) :) :) :) :)
and thanx alot to all u sweet ppl for cheering me up.
<3!!!!

mervyn at 6/15/2006 09:04:00 PM

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

broken wings

heys.
today is such a horrible day.
for once in the whole year i was seriously stretched to breaking point.
NS trains ur patience. there's no way you can ever quit your job no matter how much you dislike it.
but anyways, i went through 9 months of hell, this is nothing. but this battle, i fight alone. in OCS, i had my pals.
but its ok. i will get by.

but today was really a horrible day.
i really felt like just dying.
as in seriously dying.
i think i need a pick-me-up.

argh.
at least i've got good friends.

maybe after i wake up from my sleep everything will feel so much better.
that's it. i'm going to sleep now.
i hope i wake up to a better, brighter reality.

mervyn at 6/14/2006 11:39:00 AM

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

creative degeneration

its a cool day today.
i had an early morning run at east coast park, which lasted a cool 13km. i found it quite a breeze actually, and it actually became quite enjoyable to run the 13km. it isn't that bad, or that long as some people might think. once you actually get past the mental barrier of things, the physical aspect ain't really that bad. so sometimes, when we wanna do something, we are always inhibited by fear. the initial mental barrier blocking you. the moment we overcome that fear, we're already 50% successful. we always think of the negative, of all the what-if's. but have we ever thought that if we never act, there'd be 0% chance of success. therefore, the next time we encounter a big problem, let the fear of failure be not an hindrance to us.

ok, enough of this nonsense.

i went back to office after the run. and it was just slackadelic. i seriously spent the whole day slacking. life has to be so much more than this. seriously. i can't take it any longer. anyone has any good internet websites to intro me to whilst away my time?

the rest of the day went by quite fine.

i went to changi village to watch soccer just now. i liek the air at changi village. it smells of the sea. i smell the salt in the air and all the things that come with it. anyway, i seriously can't understand the intense appeal of the world cup. i don't understand how people can sit there and watch the world cup when they don't follow football on a regular basis. furthermore, the standard of football in the worldcup isn't really that good, as compared to champions league.
and also, i don't understand the appeal of WATCHing football. granted, you could see all those hot football stars and all, but at the end of the day, its all the same thing. 4-4-2. 3-5-1 etc, etc. i don't know lah. i find nothing spectacular in it, but that's just my perspective.

actually, to rehash the last post, true love does exist lah. but erm, it disappeared quite some time back. but i think it does exist lah, so sam don't be disheartened okie. one day you will find your maharajah. (indian princes are called something like that right?) :P

ok, goodnight.

that's all.

mervyn at 6/13/2006 07:16:00 PM

Monday, June 12, 2006

there's so much more to this

heys.
lazy monday everyone. wells, mondays will be mondays, and its always difficult to get the engine going on monday. by the time it hits in full swing, the week will be out. so, we shouldn't work at all. or rather, we shouldn't be working in the army at all. i spent the whole morning sitting around literallly doing nothing because the whole camp had an electrical outage and there was no electricity at all so nothing could be done. the afternoon was spent doing nothing too, as there was simply nothing to do. i'm dying of boredom ladies and gentlemen, i need something to revive my intense boredom. but apparently i'm doing a great job acting busy, cos my boss thinks that i have too many things to do that she can't release me for AHM.

i had a nice dinner at home. its been a long time since i've had dinner at home. i'm quite satisfied. today's a monday so i'm quite a good boy! look, i'm even home at 11! and i'm gonna sleep by 12! i'm a good boy today haha... what nonsense.

actually my blog is all nonsense. i wonder why people even bother reading it.

anyway, there's the movie cars. it looks quite cute! i wanna go watch it! damn, its a minnie kinda show, but minnie ain't around! guess i'd have to watch it myself then. haahahaaa.... there's also the korean movie, almost love. i'm a sucker for korena melodramas. looking at me, you'd never guess. but everyone likes to believe in love don't they. i just like to believe a bit more in plain simple love. pity it never ever happens in real life. but at least for less than $10, you can believe in love for 2 whole hours! not a bad deal, considering how some people spend $150 to believe in love for less than an hour.
anyhow, this is all bull. we all know that love never ever happens in real life. or rather, it happens, but it never lasts. sad fact of life #1. but whatever la. i'm not gonna care so much.

ok. i think i wanna go off to sleep already. i've gotta be at east coast for the run tomorrow. yayness! 13km. somehow, running has turned into some form of self-flaggelation. the more i run, the more i'll be absolved on sin! the sin of greed! and calories! and fat! omgomgomgomgomgomgog need to run more! hahahahaa
okokokok goodnight! sweet dreams y`all. peace out!

mervyn at 6/12/2006 04:19:00 PM

there's so much more to this

heys.
lazy monday everyone. wells, mondays will be mondays, and its always difficult to get the engine going on monday. by the time it hits in full swing, the week will be out. so, we shouldn't work at all. or rather, we shouldn't be working in the army at all. i spent the whole morning sitting around literallly doing nothing because the whole camp had an electrical outage and there was no electricity at all so nothing could be done. the afternoon was spent doing nothing too, as there was simply nothing to do. i'm dying of boredom ladies and gentlemen, i need something to revive my intense boredom. but apparently i'm doing a great job acting busy, cos my boss thinks that i have too many things to do that she can't release me for AHM.

i had a nice dinner at home. its been a long time since i've had dinner at home. i'm quite satisfied. today's a monday so i'm quite a good boy! look, i'm even home at 11! and i'm gonna sleep by 12! i'm a good boy today haha... what nonsense.

actually my blog is all nonsense. i wonder why people even bother reading it.

anyway, there's the movie cars. it looks quite cute! i wanna go watch it! damn, its a minnie kinda show, but minnie ain't around! guess i'd have to watch it myself then. haahahaaa.... there's also the korean movie, almost love. i'm a sucker for korena melodramas. looking at me, you'd never guess. but everyone likes to believe in love don't they. i just like to believe a bit more in plain simple love. pity it never ever happens in real life. but at least for less than $10, you can believe in love for 2 whole hours! not a bad deal, considering how some people spend $150 to believe in love for less than an hour.
anyhow, this is all bull. we all know that love never ever happens in real life. or rather, it happens, but it never lasts. sad fact of life #1. but whatever la. i'm not gonna care so much.

ok. i think i wanna go off to sleep already. i've gotta be at east coast for the run tomorrow. yayness! 13km. somehow, running has turned into some form of self-flaggelation. the more i run, the more i'll be absolved on sin! the sin of greed! and calories! and fat! omgomgomgomgomgomgog need to run more! hahahahaa
okokokok goodnight! sweet dreams y`all. peace out!

mervyn at 6/12/2006 04:19:00 PM

Sunday, June 11, 2006

breakfast at tiffany's

hies!
today is a sunday night.
anyway, i have noticed the general dark undertones of my previous few posts. henceforth, i have decided that this post should not carry the same tone, for it would be a delightful change. ha. what crap.

so i have spent the weekend playing away with wild abandon, forgetting all forms of self. in fact, this is the new age in moral degeneration. the ultimate hedonistic lifestyle. well, hedonism is never good. not when it brings about intense moral decay.

but life's good life's good. the only way it could go is up i guess.

went to dxo yesterday, and seriously, clubbing and soccer don't mix. and kids should never mess around at the DJ console. its quite a turn off to hear things like "free flow of water, sweden sucks, etc."
but its ok its ok, i had fun. i always do. but i guess the key problem is that i might die early, but that's not a big problem actually. life's good, life's short.

unless maybe one day something comes along which makes me wanna prolong my life lah. but other than that, the status quo is still there la.

anyways, the world cup has began but i dun feel any difference. other than the ppl crowding the coffeeshop and all that. seriously i think the whole world will stop to watch the world cup finals. i think i could go and jack a few lambos during the world cup finals. anyone wants in with me?

the next week would be quite a good one, if all goes according to plan. that's right ladies and gents, i actually plan my week in advance. but once again, its quite a tiring week. all weeks are always tiring.
in fact, if all goes acccording to plan, i foresee this year and the following few years to be tiring.
but that's life, and life has to go on.

after all, everything is pretty much transcient.
seriously, ask yourself. what's permanent in this place anyway?

ok. sleep beckons.

mervyn at 6/11/2006 04:48:00 PM

Friday, June 09, 2006

cryptic

ok ok

mervyn at 6/09/2006 11:01:00 PM

i hope you're happy.

heys.
friday night everybody. it's time to get the party started, and trust me, this weekend's parties are just about to get started. it will be endless action.
but trust me, the last thing i wanna do in this world is party. but a guy has got social committments, and such committments can seldom be foresaked.

this week sailed by so quickly. it was like i was anaesthaecised for the whole of the week and when i woke up, it was already friday. not that any of it matters anyway.

so it goes, the way the days and weeks and months pass us by, just like that. and nothing concrete ever happens. its just like a game, in which the aim of the game is just to last the longest. there's no goal, no end point, no motivation.
but life shouldn't be liek that. there should be little goals here and there. but what if you've already gotten everything you want?

i think i'm the kinda person who's out to get everything he wants. i can seldom accept defeat. if i can't get what i want, i'd go about every way and means to get it. in some ways, its good, cos it ensures that i hit my targets. that i can achieve what i want. yet, when i can't get what i want, all hell and terror breaks loose. just like the shark sent into a frenzy by the chumming of blood.
but at the end of the day, i realised that everything which i have wanted to get is not what i want at all.
what i need, i threw away long ago. i threw all that i needed away in order to get what i want. but do i really want what i think i want?
the bottom line of the story at this point of time is that its all screwed.

what do u do when your rational self and your emotional self conflict? who wins?

there's just too much thrash going on here.








yeah right.

mervyn at 6/09/2006 12:35:00 PM

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

here without you

heys.
sup. rare day in which imma at home at this time. especially on a wednesday. but its an opportune time to be home. a time to reflect and just to escape from all the bustle that's been surrounding my empty life these past few weeks.
imma gonna retire to bed early today cos ive to wake up at 4.30 tmr due to the cbt shoot which is happening. but i think its gonna be quite difficult considering that i only woke up around 6 just now from my short siesta.
actually i don't like taking naps in the afternoon. but there's nothing much else to do. but when i take naps in the afternoon, i wake up feeling guilty. like i could have done something much more useful. argh. but seriously there's nothing much useful that can be done with my time actually.

today i had IMT over at neesoon IMT. its quite relaxed actually. and i'm such a good shooter anyway so it doesnt really matter. IMT is like shooting a rather realistic computerised gun. its quite lame actually. ha. i hope tomorrow's range ends quick though. i'm in the second detail so i should be done quite fast. but i need everyone to be done quick so we can all go home. ha. the perks of being an officer. get to choose your own detail and all.

i've been feeling rather empty the past few days. its really ironic. i'm a busy guy. extremely busy. don't get much rest. yet, for all the activities which i do, i don't find that it enriches me any deal. i just sit around feeling bored. and meaningless. life shouldn't be this way. life should be so much more. but what if the only thing that matters in life isn't available to you at all? then u just take up your time, hoping to find something which means anything at all. sadly, nothing ever does mean anything to me. i'm just a feelingless jaded numbed guy. terrible.

so the anticipated end of the world didn't happen. all my apocalypse boys and those armageddon girls didnt get any. i guess the only end of the world that we will see this coming few months is the end of the world
cup.
ok lame i know. but life to me now is just an assortment of nonsense. its a collage of absolutely meaningless details. details which bore me far too much. details which aren't even worth remembering.

why do i sound so sad? i should be a happy guy actually. i've got more than what anyone could hope for. i've got probably one of the best grades an A level student could get. i've got an absolutely brilliant car. i came from a nice school. i've got great friends. i can live comfortably. i'm an officer in the SAF.
it all sounds so nice, so why am i not happy?

happiness is but a fleeting ideal which all of us chase.

i should be off to bed.

mervyn at 6/07/2006 02:42:00 PM

truth

they told me it wasn't going to be easy.
what they didn't tell me was that it was gonna be this damn hard.

mervyn at 6/07/2006 02:00:00 PM

Monday, June 05, 2006

就是爱你

hies.
today is the 5th of june.
for all you doomsayers, armageddon believers, this could possibly be the last day on earth before 060606 comes and the devil unleashes his claws and engulfs the world.
50% of me is not convinced, yet the other 50% of me has a nagging feeling about it.
in fact, i've been thinking about it for quite awhile. what if the world ends?
if the world ends, i'd be quite sad.
cos there's so many things which i haven't done. i haven't been to the numerous places that i'd like to go to. i haven't been to see the aurora borealis, which are one of the nicest things in the world.

the above pic is natural. the aurora borealis happens due to changes in magnetic fields etc etc, but save all the technicalities, they are just the most brilliant natural phenomenon in the world.

i haven't been to seen the most puzzling pyramids


i haven't witnessed the sunset at angkor wat


i haven't gone fishing in the vast open oceans of the pacific


i haven't driven my maserati!


there's just too many things i haven't done.
but on the brighter sight, there're alot of things which i've done.
so i guess there's a trade off.
but dear god, if you want the world to end, could you at least hold it off til i've made my first ten million?

and if anyone needs any convincing, when i was driving to dinner just now,
the cloud in front me was a conniving sight.



these was the sight that greeted me as my mum drove down the stretch of road.



similar?

oh wells.
i don't know.
i'm going out now to enjoy my last night. hahaha. i'm such a lousy pessimistic bum.
but looking on the brighter side, here's today's horoscope.
"Enough with the stay-at-home routine. You might just surprise yourself tonight. Grab some compadres and step out on the town. Someone is waiting to meet you, and you'll be very, very pleased at who it is."
that sounds great. i wonder who is waiting to meet me.
but hell, there's only one person in the world i'd wanna meet.

oh. and if the world ends, i haven't told anyone i liked them. wow, which is quite sad. the girl i like doesn't know i like her! but its ok its ok.
oh, and at least xiaomin called me today, so that's a nice thing. i miss minnie! but she was a bitch as usual, but that's how i like her hahahaha!
okie take care minnie, if the world ends, just remember that i hate you no matter what :) <3!!!
hahahah okie i'm such an idiot.
bye i'm off to meet the person who's waiting for me!
take care

mervyn at 6/05/2006 01:23:00 PM