Monday, January 29, 2007

i know why you


its a quiet sunday night and i have gotten a bit of work done, but honestly, i should be doing so much more.
well then, there should be quite alot of catching up to do soon, when the work catches up with me.

i have been spending a rather eventful weekend, with most of saturday being hungover, even though i technically am not supposed to partake of alcohol, and also SPL on saturday.
sunday, i slept in, and played soccer in the afternoon. it was all good fun. i havent played soccer on a field for rather long, and it was fun to play on the field again. i'm more of a field soccer kinda guy rather than a court kinda guy. sometimes i find playing on the court rather boring.. but on the field, it's very open and there's lotsa brain and strategy involved. but then again, maybe it's just me.

i ate dinner out both days of the weekend, so all in all, i'm quite satisfied this weekend.
the only thing i failed to do this weekend is go to camden and waste my time there. i really like wasting my time there, cos there's a buzz about that place really.

today i was flipping thru other people's facebook photos and i saw a few familiar faces. and that got me thinking. and then suddenly i felt rather emo. and now i still feel quite emo. and sad. sometimes in life, there are some things that you just cannot do.
and this is one of them.

or maybe we are all living in the matrix. and then perhaps one day, through clever refinement of my brain, i will be able to manipulate the matrix, and then do whatever i want in the world.
but honestly, do you think we are living in the matrix? what is the difference between virtual reality and reality when virtual reality is the only thing we know? how would we know what differentiates them?

ok, but i just want to manipulate the matrix and do some things lah. that's all.

now i want to enter the dreamworld where alot of things are possible.

mervyn at 1/29/2007 12:29:00 AM

Friday, January 26, 2007


what's been happening?
so it's a late thursday night, some would call it early friday morning.
it's 1.38am and i'm about to go to sleep.

on tuesday, i went to visit the not-so-greatest stadium in the world, stamford bridge. that said, the air there was electrifying. it's really different watching the match there and on tv. watching the match at stamford bridge, you could see the players actually running around, and not magically appearing at the spot where the ball goes, the way it happens on tv. i also saw many maniacal fans who blatantly said the referee was making a wrong call when a free kick was awarded for a bad tackle. i also saw many humourous people at the stadium, creating mayhem at the stadium. but it wasn't chaotic mayhem, it was humourous funny mayhem. like these jokers who wore flourescent suits like the stewards, and kept standing up and doing silly actions. or the people who pretended they were tony clark when the announcement went "could tony clark make yourself known to the nearest steward please?"

the game was rather nice overall, with 4 goals, though wycombe weren't much of a challenge.

but then again, i must say, it was a pretty nice experience.

wednesday saw me going out to roxy for my friend's birthday, and also to nandos.

today, i spent a rather long day in school, literally 9-5, and that was it. i'm well tired today, and i should be going to bed soon, if i wanna hit the gym tomorrow morning.

my past few days have been rather hectic and busy, and i don't think the next few days are gonna change much either.
but it's all good. i'm occupied and that's cool, really.

am i disaffected?
i think i'm rather mean aren't i? but i just can't help it lah.
i'd love to be much nicer to people, but really, how many people are genuinely nice, and how many people are nice for some other reasons?
somehow or other, i just can't fake it in life. there's no point faking it.

and i can't stand most peoples' affected manner.
maybe it's just me. i think it probably is just me.
but then again, who knows.
okok i shouldn't be talking too much crap.
off to bed now.

mervyn at 1/26/2007 01:38:00 AM

Monday, January 22, 2007

full of emptiness

how's it going.
it's rather late in a sunday night, and it's best that i'd be off to bed, but somehow or other, my biological clock has gotten me screwed up and i'm all over the place, sleeping when i want to, waking when circumstances call for it.

so today, i woke up early and went to the gym for a short session. and then i went ice skating at south kensington, which was a really lousy ice rink. and i was practically skating in snow cos the ice was really lousy ice. well, i find ice skating a rather mundane activity really, 90% of the people on the ice rink don't really know how to skate, and they're just there for the heck of being able to say that they went ice skating. and i'm one of the majority. but then again, that's what fun is about isn't it. it's not about how well you do an activity, but how many smiles the activity brings you. oh wells, many people just don't seem to understand this and seem to get by in life trying to excel in everything. don't they realise their pursuit of excellence not only brings others down, but brings themselves down? i guess they don't.
the first step to any form of change, positive or otherwise, is always the most crucial. realisation.

yesterday, i spent the whole day at uni. what was i doing at uni on a saturday you might ask. wells, i was at the SPl thing, doing my part for the interested. hopefully something good would come out of this.

the wind's getting really strong of late, and it's projected to be snowing monday and tuesday. i really hope it doesn't though, cos i'm not one of those people who'd whore about snow. i mean, snow is pretty and nice and all, but the mess it leaves after that is much too irky for me to take. ice forms on the streets, making everything slippery, your clothes get wet, all these kinda funny things. you'd say bah, humbug. but really, where's the joy in experiencing snow falling alone? yes, you might go out with some friends, have a coupla snow fights, form some snow angels, but that's about it. nothing to really get excited about. but oh wells, societal norms say we should be excited about snow, so let's get excited about it. it's all about social conditioning anyways isn't it.

hm i think i've talked about too many useless pieces of information for my own good, and i think i really should be going off to bed to join the masquerade.

goodnight one and all.
sweet dreams.

mervyn at 1/22/2007 01:13:00 AM

Saturday, January 20, 2007

so much more inside

the torrential winds are getting stronger, and it's a friday night.
friday was relatively okay, with the winds dying down and the temperature rising quite abit. the sun was rather bright today and i got sunburnt from walking to school!

school was a total drag, cos it was absolutely long and it was almost like a full day without breaks. and it doesn't really help that friday's classes are all boring classes which makes no sense.

oh no, my skin is drying.

ok, so the excess baggage musical was held today too. so i had to rush from school back to halls, to dinner, and to the greenwood theatre, where the musical was held. as with all singaporean gatherings, it started late.

well, wiith not much critical acclaim to start with, there wasn't much hype about the musical. hence, my expectations were pretty average and i went in not expecting much really.
the show in terms of storyline was rather alright, albeit rather disjointed, with much too many acts filling the show. thus, there were numerous breaks and pauses which sorta disrupted the rhythm of the show really.
there were also a myriad of themes, and that left some problems with certain themes, which could have been explored a little more in depth.
the score was rather good though, though there were parts of the score which weren't exactly original, and it wasn't exactly groundbreaking or anything like that.

and i think the main flaw of the show was it's melodrama. whilst it might be artistic direction to inject the over-the-top melodrama, it certainly killed much of the mood when it was getting emotional, and i think it effectively spoiled many of the good build-ups which the play had.

all in all, i would say the show is a diamond in the rough which could do with a bit of polishing and refinement, and it would probably do a better job. however, i guess it's an alright staging for such a young crew and quite admirable performance too. though there is quite a unique target audience for the show really.

that said and done, that's about all there is to my friday night. nothing much really, just that.

somehow or other, we've gotta break out of this cyclical chain of routine life, and experience life. many of us just live life in a cyclical motion, not knowing where it will lead us or what we're doing. we're doing it for the sake of it being life.
just like internships. how many of us are actually applying because we are really interested to learn about the company; and how many of us are applying because a. our friends apply b. our parents tells us to apply. c. society says that we should apply
whilst many of us may deny it, it really is either one of those reasons. even those who say no no, its a good experience etc etc. all these reasons can be reduced through means of reductive questioning.

i've been thinking about my own life and such.
and i think the road from here on isn't exactly the perfect life, or how'd i like it to be. but we'll make it work somehow, i think i will at least.

right then, it's not early, and i should be off to dreamland to rediscover certain aspects of life which one cannot discover here. and perhaps perhaps when i wake up, spring might arrive.


mervyn at 1/20/2007 01:25:00 AM

Thursday, January 18, 2007

living in the darkness

im churning this entry out in the dark, cos there's a blackout and my room has got no lights. surprisingly, the internet is up though, so i'm able to get on the internet in the dark.

today was an absolutely horrendous day. london was sorta hit by a strong gale of wind, though im not sure you would entirely call it a hurricane. it was however, reported to be 90 mph strong in some areas.
in my area at least, it was strong enough to lift a metal crate.
it was also strong enough to put me off walking to school in the morning, so i took a bus instead.
it was so strong that the winds literally controlled my pace of walking. when it blew against me, i stopped in my tracks. when there was abit of tailwind, i flew forward like i was running.
never in my life has so much depended on the weather.

so the mini hurricane took out most of the neighbourhood's electricity from morning til like 8. but its 11 and my room is still dark, WHICH MEANS, i can't do my stats homework. that said, it probably isn't an extremely good excuse to be saying "oh i can't do my homework cos there was an electrical outage yesterday" cos who leaves work til the last minute right. well, apparently many people do, and i didn't exactly leave it til the last minute, i just did parts of it, and there are some questions which still need doing.

tell me what can i do, when it all falls apart?

anyways, attended a goldman talk today, and it does sound pretty exciting and interesting. but there're just some things that working overseas entails that i totally can't live with. mostly it's about people.
people that are NOT here.
so yeah.
but that's liek 2 more years from now, so we'll really see what happens when it comes around.

argh. can't get anything done in the dark.
i'm going to bed.
goodnight all.

mervyn at 1/18/2007 11:21:00 PM

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

warmth in the cold winter

what's happening?
been blog surfing and realised that i kinda miss having my down-to-earth friends in singapore.
LSE people are cool, but somehow or other, they're not the kind that you can totally chill with under the open sky and so on. somehow, it's just different.
well, and that's the cool people. there're numerous other LSE people who just give off the wrong vibes, but then again, maybe it's just me and my over-sensitive receptors.

but anyways, i've been a happy person, cos i've been going to the gym everyday and embarking on a healthy lifestyle. but as i said, it is an uphill struggle, but then again, rome wasn't built in a day.

i wish i could live every day in springtime.
well, but for now, all i can do is hope it doesn't rain on the way to school. actually i wouldn't mind it raining, in the right circumstances.
but the right circumstances can't be replicated here anyway.

there's a song currently on repeat on my itunes. it's called lovin you by minnie riperton. it's such a terribly love-struck song, it would make even the boldest couple blush. and it's such a simple melody really, but it is so very catchy. and let's not even go to the lyrics.
i think the word love is repeated at least 20 times.

Loving you
Is easy because you're beautiful....
Making love with you
Is all I want to do....
Loving you
Is more than just a dream come true....
And everything that I do
Is out of loving you....

No one else can make me feel
The colors that you bring....
Stay with me while we grow old....
And we will live each day in spring time....

Because loving you....
Has made my life so beautiful....
And every day of my life
Is filled with loving you....
Loving you....
I see your soul come shining through....
And everytime that we....
Oh I'm more in love with you....

off to school now.

argh. i hate going to school really. it's not so much about the intellectual part of school, but more like the social part of school.
argh. argh. argh.

mervyn at 1/16/2007 11:04:00 AM

Monday, January 15, 2007


how's things going around here?
well, so i'd say that things are pretty fine.
i'm going the gym on a daily basis, and soon i'll be on my way onto the cover of men's health, or at least be worthy of being on the cover of men's health.
it's always good to be optimistic no?

anyways, this weekend has been spent sorting myself out and clearing up my room and all. trying to catch up on my work, but i haven't really caught up on any work. i might just do some if i'm not too tired tomorrow and i have the time.

i haven't been spending much money though, which is really a good thing, cos my life now revolves around a few things, school, gym, sports. which mostly, i don't have to spend further money on, so it's all good.

i've gotten a little more reclusive and anti-social this year, and i'm not making much effort to talk to people really. it's not that my social skills have gone down the drain, but i really don't have much energy nor motivation to maintain a proper conversation really. it's weird though i must say, but then again, whatever.

on friday, my philosophy teacher posed me this interesting question on whether love was irrational or rational. in the midst of my daydream, i churned something out and muttered that love was definitely rational, cos love is all about pragmatism.
but is it really?
i know it isn't really. love is just about the most rational irrational thing in the world there is. it's so irrational that it's rational to think it irrational really. should i have answered with the numerous quotes i picked up watching too many thrashy love stories - "love is a many splendoured thing, love lifts you up where you belong, all you need is love"
i don't know really, all i know is that when i answered the question my mind wasn't in the class. it was somewhere else. somewhere where love exists. just not there i guess.
but whatever really, it was all much too much for a dumb boy like me to take.

right now, my math folder is lying open on my table, and it's speaking greek to me. i really don't understand it, and not that i really want to, but i have to.
i think numbers was an invention of god, but definitely corrupted by the devil to create chaos in our lives. u know, it's all good when numbers are used for things such as money and all that simple stuff. but don't bring in those funky mathematical jizzy thingamajig, cos the numbers will turn amber red and start growing horns.
but all these mathematicians are just blind to the world anyways, all they care about is developing more and more radically absurd theories to help govern our world.
as if it makes a difference.

off to bed.

mervyn at 1/15/2007 12:07:00 AM

Thursday, January 11, 2007

as we shoot across the sky

how's it going?

so the first week of school has been rather chaotic, with me not knowing much of what's going on. and with my suitcase still lying haphazard on my floor and my room being a mess. i've gotta sort this dumb room out sooner or later. maybe saturday or sunday. i'm much too knackered during the week to be doing anything concrete regarding my standard of living. and my carpet is wet due to the enormously strong winds in the morning which knocked my window open and blew into my room and scrambled everything around.

this week, i have become a masochist. and this is a phase that will continue. i have reawakened all the cells in my body and tormented them and tortured them such that i feel pain with every waking moment in the deep muscle fibres. but it's all good. having gone to the gym, it is pretty relaxing going there after a long day at school. having all those endorphines rushing through your veins.

this is part of my healthy lifestyle programme for 2007. i shall cut down on vices and do more exercises. maybe i should have a slogan "NO VICE, JUST EXERCISE"
sounds nice enough. hhahaha. as it is, it is the quest to be a better man.

anyways, all this activity going on makes me sufficiently tired by the time it comes to bedtime, so it is pretty easy to fall asleep. and go to my dreams, which are never anything concrete.

and i'm dying in the harsh cold winds of london. today, whilst walking to school, the wind blowing against me literally stopped me in my tracks. i couldn't walk against the wind cos the wind was that strong.
ok i'm not exactly dying, but then again, its almost there.
and the people in london aren't exactly the warmest people around.

i still miss the people back home. like ........
sadly, there isn't anything like that in here.

i'm trying to log into the credit suisse site at the moment but it's so horrifyingly slow i'm almost desperate.

right then.
i should go and do some relaxation exercises now. hahaha.
goodnight. world.

mervyn at 1/11/2007 11:59:00 PM

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

flight back in london

after the bloody long flight, i really feel like dying.
i'm tired.
very tired.
and i've got school in a few hours time.
how to deal with the world?

mervyn at 1/09/2007 09:04:00 AM

Saturday, January 06, 2007

your intuition is never wrong.

i am writing this in masochistic agony, as my whole body feels like it is on fire, due to the massive sunburnt which i am suffering/enjoying.
it is a very masochistic pleasure, in which the sunburn causes both pain and pleasure.

what caused the sunburn?
today, i played soccer in the morning in the scorching sun. and it was seriously scorching.
after that, i went to sentosa and frolicked around on the beach in the once again, relentlessly scorching sun.
and therefore, i am now, as red as a cherry. or a cooked lobster. or a can of coke.

my skin feels like it is stretching and thus, every move hurts. yet, the sunburn causes a very refreshing sensation, which creates a heightened awareness in your tactile sense. it is a very contradicting feeling, but it is a feeling nonetheless.

i like the sun. i will miss the scorching sun on the beach when i go back to london. and i will miss the hot girls in their skimpy bikinis too.

most people are already back in london, but deviants like me are still here. even if i don't go back to london, there's nothing to do in here anyways, since everyone has a job or something of that sort. or the girls are in school.
so i'm better off being in school anyways.

you know they say a woman's intuition is quite strong?
but how come sometimes i come to doubt it?
or mabe they are just good at acting blur. hahaha.

okok i'm off to bed.

mervyn at 1/06/2007 09:13:00 PM

Friday, January 05, 2007

one up to the civil service

well done civil service, your psc scholars have done you proud once again with their brilliant initiatives designed to improve the well-being of singapore.

new law breaks ground amongst citizens

once again, another groundbreaking initiative brought to the people from civil servants who once studied at the top universities with the people's money.

mervyn at 1/05/2007 09:01:00 PM


it's been quite a long while since i updated this place.
so what's been up?

wells, the clock is slowly ticking and my time in singapore is running out. is it a depressing thing? well, it might be, because there are some things in singapore that aren't in london.
like people.
but its ok, time will pass and seasons will change and eventually everything will be fine again.
very optimistic view right.

SO, i still have my holiday homework to be done. frankly, i don't know what's gotta be done for math and stats, but i know i've got a philosophy essay to write about love, but then again, i haven't really gotten down to it. sometimes, when you break down love into a philosophical discussion, it becomes a science. love becomes a formulaic study in which everything can be rationalised. not exactly the most fun thing is it.

anyways, yesterdays, i went to watch blooood diamond! and the movie tickets were like 5 quid. for 2! compared to the london ones where its 9.50 quid for 1! anyways,
BLOOD diamond, was a very nice show, with lotsa action and quite meaningful. i kinda liked it.
but then, i haven't watched the holiday yet. but i guess its ok. disillusioned folks like me should endeavour to stay away from such lovey dovey shows.


oh wells.
i have nothing more to say, maybe when i have more to say i'll come back here.
i'm going to play with my helicopter now. later folks!

mervyn at 1/05/2007 08:08:00 AM